"I like you best"

 One time I was laying on the floor near the fireplace in a stranger’s house.  My friends were all at a table noisily playing a game.  They called to me and said, “Come, play this game with us, we’re having fun!”  I said, “No thank you.” I was reading a book I had found on the shelf.  My friend came to me and laid down beside me.  I read my book to him, and he read his to me. We laughed and talked, and I said, “Don’t you want to play the game with everyone else?” He said, “No, I want to be here with you.”

 

One time I was sitting on the sofa in a living room that wasn’t mine. My friends were all talking and laughing together after dinner, before a summer night. They said, “What should we do tonight? Do you want to watch a movie together?” I said, “No thank you, I’m going to walk to the library.” My friend said, “I’ll go with you.” We walked the short distance to the library, chatting about things that are light, and full of summer. At the library, we didn’t speak at all but met again at the door when the library closed. I said, “Didn’t you want to watch the movie with everyone else?” He said, “No, I wanted to be here with you.”

 

One time I was sitting on a bench; my friends were all around me.  My friend walked in and the person on my right stood up and moved to a nearby chair.  I said, “What’s going on?”  He said, “He’s coming. He always asks someone to move when he comes. I’m just making room for him.”  Then he came.  He sat next to me, and we continued on as before.  I asked him “Why do you always sit next to me?” He said,  “I like to be here with you.”

 

One time I was sitting in a circle of chairs, waiting for strangers to join me. I was among the first to sit down, so I watched as the circle became complete with people I has only just met. As the people continued to come into the room, the chair beside me was left empty.  A few people stood outside the circle, as there were not enough chairs.   I said, “Someone can sit here.” Someone said, “Oh, we were saving that for your husband.”  “My husband?” I said, “No, I don’t have a husband.  Who did you think my husband was?”  “The tall guy.”  She said, “with the dark hair, he stood next to you when we met.”    “Ah- yes, he always stands beside me; he’s not my husband.  He’s not coming tonight, but you are right, he usually likes to be here next to me.”

 

One time I was alone in a room in a house where I didn’t live. My friend came to me and said, “You should be careful, he’s just messing with you.  He flirts with everyone.  He will break your heart.” I said, “No, it’s okay, it’s a joke, it’s a game, it’s not real.  We’re friends.”  Every morning when I saw him I said, “You’re my friend,” and he stood beside me, and we held hands, and we closed our eyes, and we prayed- ‘LORD, don’t let us fall off the roof, or step on a nail, or break the pipes, or lose our measuring tapes again. Amen.’”

 

One time I asked him, “Is this how you treat all your friends?”  He said, “No, I like you best.”

white dinner

 I made an all-white dinner the other day.  Nobody thought it was as clever as I did.

It was baked chicken breast over sauteed cauliflower, white rice, and green bean casserole (in white sauce). We had cheesecake for dessert.

a can of poop

 A few weeks ago my mother-in-law came home from California with some 'sweet grapefruit' she purchased at a market. I did not volunteer to eat it, but of course, my child did.  This is clearly a child who has never tasted grapefruit.  She took one bite and said, 'no thanks.'

I can't blame her for trying new things- so I thought I'd give it a try too.  To my surprise, it really was a sweet grapefruit.  It was not terrible and I *might* even be convinced to try it again.

I was wondering the other day if I could find those sweet grapefruit in my local grocery when I spotted a CAN of grapefruit.  I've never seen canned grapefruit before, so I got it. (We all know where my child gets it from.)

While unpacking the groceries my husband says, "Why did you get this?!" (canned grapefruit)  

I said, "Well, I never saw it before, so I wanted to try it.  It might be good, you never know."

He said, "Sometimes you know-   like you wouldn't try a can of poop."

I said, "Umm- I've never seen a can of poop- so I can't say."

I tried the canned grapefruit today.

I took the first bite and thought, 'this is terrible, but I think I can eat half now and half later.'

I took three more bites before I concluded, 'I cannot.  No, no .... no, no, no.  Noooo, nope.'

In other news, did you know unwanted canned grapefruit can be an effective garbage disposal deodorizer?

I'm sort of a DIYer.   😝

curiosity killed the cat ( a got the girl in the butt)

 I was in my office when I heard the 4-year-old scream like the end was upon her.  So I got my fat butt up to investigate. She was standing in the door of the master bedroom with her pants around her ankles screaming, tears pouring- trying to tell me something I couldn't understand.

Something was still going on in the bathroom, so I went in to see what was what.

The cold water bidet was streaming FULL bast, hitting the shower door and splattering all over the bathroom. I turned it off at my own peril. Crisis and flood averted I turn back to the girl, who is still screaming.

I said, "Are you okay?"

Her: NO! I scared!

Me: You're scared because that potty got you?

Her: I'm all wet!

Me: Yeah, you're all wet, did it hurt you?

Her: Yes! It hurt my feeling!

Me: (SELF, DON'T LAUGH) it hurt your feelings? 

Her: YEAH!

Me: But did it hurt your butt?

Her: no

Me: Why didn't you go to your bathroom?

Her: I scared!

Me: I know my toilet is scary, but why didn't you go to yours?

Her: I scared (Melts into babbling again) sob-sob bug- sob-scared!

Me: OH! you were scared of the bug in your bathroom, so you went in mine?

Her: Yeah

Me: and the toilet got you?

Her YEAH! and it hurt my feeling and I'm all wet!

Me: yeah- bathrooms can be like that- let's get your clothes changed. 

My husband scoffed when I suggested we get a bidet.  But then he found one on sale, and got it- and declared it the best home buy of the year.  It is just a basic cold water bidet, but it has a powerful blast.  I mean, you get too excited on that nob and it could hurt you, and obviously spray across the room onto the shower door too, not to mention how it can terrify a four-year-old who was just sitting on the potty touching nobs- like you do- when a powerful blast of cold water shot her off the toilet like an actic bottle rocket.

OH, THE HUMANITY!  :)

The sub

 I have been substitute teaching at my children's’ school.  I had never substituted before.  I chose this school because I always pick them up after school and I knew I wouldn’t have to make any special arrangements to continue doing that if I was here and they were here.  Ideally I would have chosen a high school, and I still might next year.

Somethings I learned about substitute teaching:

1. Never agree to teach an elementary class when the teacher just couldn’t be bothered to show up.  WTF?

2. Never teach an elementary class

3. Especially 5th grade

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

My first day of substitute teaching I was filling in for a very well organized 7th grade science teacher.  Everything was laid out and detailed instructions for a variety of circumstances were included in a three ring binder.  The students were a little sassy, as expected, but nothing really unusual happened.

My second day of substitute teaching was utter chaos.  I had signed up to be a teacher’s aid for elementary.  When I walked in they said, “Do you want to take a 2nd grade class instead?”  I was all like, “Ummm- well, No.”

“No?- Okay, how about 7th grade band? You don’t have to teach music, and you will have an aide with you. It will be so easy- it will be a great day!”

Me: “Okay.”

The aide: “Follow me, I’ll show you the room we will be in.  We’ll have two classes in here, band and theater. There are 30 chairs in here for students. We may have as many as 50 students in here- but don’t worry.  I’ll be with you the whole time.

Two hours, a bunch of school gossip and a handful of conspiracy theories later he’s all, “I gotta go. There’s a sub who never showed up- they are calling another one, but I need to fill in until they come.  I’ll be right next door.”  

50 kids walk into my room, 6th, 7th, 8th graders.  They are all over the place, there are only about 30 chairs so they fill up 3/4 of the chairs, mill around the room, sprawl out on the floor, lean against the walls.  

I ask the students, “What do you usually do in this class.”  They say, “Nothing, our teacher has been out for a while.  He has Covid.  He died on the floor, but the nurse came in and moved his head around and brought him back.  Then the ambulance came and took him.”  I say, “Is he okay?”  They admit they don’t know.  (Nor do they seem to care.)

I tell the 50 students to sit down somewhere, anywhere, just  don’t get up.  I’m not even going to try to keep them quiet or on task with work I know they have from other classes- I just want them to stop moving around.

The 50 leave without incident. I feel accomplished in the fact that nobody died on my watch.  

The next class is small- there are only about 8 of them.  One of them is tiny sixth grader who moves around the classroom like a pinball.  He zips around the room moving in unexpected directions and at varying speeds.  I watch him spin and ping until he attempts to jump on a stool, miscalculates and topples the stool. He lands awkwardly on the legs.  I tell him to sit down, but not on the stool.  Soon he is wandering again.  He makes his way to a keyboard- I watch him as he tries to turn it on, but it doesn’t work.  He searches for the outlet,  plugs it in, turns it on and begins to play chopsticks. This is much like watching a very bad animal kingdom documentary.  I have no idea how long it is until this class is over, but I feel as though it has already been too long.

Other classes some and go- teachers and aids wander in and out sharing tidbits of unsolicited gossip and life stories. I smile and nod and make an effort to pretend I care.

The day ends- mercifully.  

the last time ...

 Parents record babies' firsts.  The first time they roll over, sleep through the night, eat solid food, sit up, take a step, etc.  It is very exciting for parents to see their kids hit these milestones.  It lets us know everything is okay- our baby is on track- she is normal- or even more exciting- she is ahead of the curve. 

While I was thinking about this I realized I have videos of my older kids' first steps, but nothing for the youngest. Pooh.

For my youngest, I want to remember the lasts.  Not her lasts- mine.  The last time I gave her a bottle, the last time I changed a diaper, the last time I gave her a pacifier.  Those have all happened.  There are other lasts with her and with my other girls.  

When will be the last time she raises her arms and says "Up, Mama!"  Sometimes I say, "No, you can walk."  Or "No, you are big now, I can't up you."  But the next time I think- 'Today is not that last time- not today!' and I pick her up and cuddle her because she's my last baby.

The other girls still want to hold my hand, and want me to help them wash their hair.  They want me to brush their hair and read with them and draw with them.  But they also do a lot of things on their own.  Little by little our lasts come with our children.  

I'm watching out for mine.  I don't want to look back and say- "I don't remember the last time I ..."

something new

 I would like it if I could articulate something new that I learned each day.  I think I do learn something new every day, but at the end of the day- much like my children, I have a hard time saying exactly what that thing may have been.  

Me: What did you learn at school today?

Her: Lots of stuff.

Me: Like what?

Her: I don't know.

Or if I ask the littlest one (pre-schooler)

Me: What did you learn today?

Her: ABCs!

Me: What letter did you learn about? (I can see on her papers that she learned about F, 6, Blue, and circles.)

Her: C! 

Me: No, your paper says F!

Her: I like C!

Me: But you learned about F.

Her: No! C!

Me: Is C your favorite?

Her: Yes!  

She's very consistent with this.  I never knew of anyone having a favorite letter, but she loves C.

Anyway- I like to learn something new each day.  Today I learned how to make a provisional cast-on in knitting.  It is used to make socks.  I've never made a sock.  I've been told it's quite nice to make socks.  I should try.  

Today I'm making a pomegranate. This is in line with my unofficial policy of not making anything useful.  

Is there is any reason to knit or to have a  knit pomegranate? Certainly not.

However, here are some facts about pomegranates to keep us all up to date:

1. Pomegranates are native to Persia

2. The word pomegranate means 'apple with many seeds'

3. One pomegranate can hold more than 1000 seeds.

4. In Jewish tradition pomegranates are a symbol of righteousness

5. In Greek and Persian Mythology it represents life, regeneration, and marriage

6. In Buddism it is a symbol of holiness and blessing and is one of the three holy fruits

7. In Christian art, the pomegranate is sometimes held by the Christ Child The seeds represent many believers making the whole of the church

Snappy McNibbles

 Consider this- a children's book about a little black dog named Snappy McNibbles.  Snappy's badness level far outsizes her physical size.

For Halloween her girl dressed like a wolf, so she dressed like Red Riding Hood.

I'm thinking of stories for Snappy- she may be the main character of my first book.  Lucy aka "Snappy"

November is writing month

 November is nanowrimo and while I won't be writing a novel, I think I can commit to writing some blogs.

I'm already 7 days behind!

Here is today's bit.

This is how I make things:

I decided to make a cute knit gnome.  I made a white beard, red hat, and red body. There was only a little bit of beard yarn left, so I decided to use it up making more beards.  There was enough for two more beards, and a bit left for the trim of a blue hat.  So, now I had three beards, and two hats, and one body.  I made a white body but didn't like it with the blue hat, so I made a blue body.  Now I just needed a white hat.  But I slept before I started on that, so I forgot and made another white body instead.  At that point, I had three beards, two hats, and four bodies.  I had to get out some more fuzzy yarn to make the brim of two more hats and one more beard that I needed.  I made the beard, but then I found a beard that I had already made for a different gnome. The count was five beards, four bodies, and two hats. 

At this moment I need one body, and three hats and five noses.

I realized that none of this really displeases me. I like to have clusters of things in groups of 5 or 8.  Once I get my gaggle together I'll post a pic of the gang.

I took it

 I took it.  I took the very old, nasty codeine cough syrup.  At first it was all good.  I took it, I started feeling kinda tired, but I had recently eaten, so I sat in my comfy chair and took a nappy-nap so cozy.  It was pleasant.  

So, imagine my surprise when I took it the second time and that time I got a terrible, horrible, no good-very bad stomach ache!  ALL DAY! I could only drink water and broth ... but I thought maybe that was just because I didn't eat before I took it- so that night I thought I was being smart- I ate a little bit of (very bland) dinner- then took it before I went to bed. Ah- sleepy-sleep time-no coughing, no coughing, just quietly snoozing through the night ... 

I started to feel drowsy- I took myself to bed.  I laid there- and laid there- and I heard a sound, "What's that? Is that a normal sound?  Did someone open the door?! Has that light always been on? Did I brush my teeth?  AHHH! What's that?  Oh- it's my pillow.  My heart is racing- I feel really hot.  I should asleep by now- why do I feel so nervous?  What if I forget to breathe? (I am pleased to notice there is no coughing.)  I wonder why they put codeine in cough syrup.  It's a narcotic- I think the codeine is making me crazy! I'm so HOT and AWAKE! I have to look up the side effects of codeine cough syrup NOW!"

SIDE EFFECTS:

• noisy breathing,
• sighing,
• shallow breathing,
• breathing that stops during sleep
• WAIT- what?
• agitation,
• hallucinations,
• fever,
• sweating,
• fast heart rate,

"When codeine is used to reduce coughing, it works by decreasing the activity in the part of the brain that causes coughing."

Ahh- it is messing with my brain!  WHY DID I TAKE THIS?

Soo- I've been coughing a lot today ...

The answer is YES

 Last week my little one was sick all week.  It started with a warning from the daycare.  On Thursday, they said, "We had a stomach bug going around today- we had to send several kids home." I didn't take her to school on Friday, I figured one less day of exposure was better.  However, I was too late.  Later in the day she developed a fever, she vomited a few times, and then she said she felt, "much better."  She had a fever on Saturday, but she seemed to be fine on Sunday.  On Sunday night she spiked a high fever and seemed to be pretty miserable.  She started coughing and developing a lot of mucus.  She was cranky, and tired, and didn't want to eat anything- she would only drink apple juice.  It was like that until Thursday night.  I kept her home on Friday for good measure- she seemed good on the weekend, so I sent her back to daycare on Monday.  

It's hard to see your little one suffering- is there anything worse?  The answer is- yes.  It's worse when I have it!  Even though T is feeling much better, I am not.  I don't have fever, but I have crazy sinus pressure, one nostril is plugged up and the other one is dripping, and the cough is making my whole rib cage hurt.  I have a sore throat, and I've lost my voice.  

Back in the day, I would totally power through this- when you don't have health insurance, what else can you do?  Really, now that I do have health insurance, what can a Dr. visit do?  I have a cold,  a brutal cold to be sure.  I've been taking OTC cold meds, and as I was rummaging through the medicine cabinet I found some cough syrup.  Elder cough syrup.  Cough syrup with codeine.   

Here's the thing with codeine- for most people it causes drowsiness.  A dr. gave me a codeine cough syrup one time telling me that it would help me stop coughing in the night, and help me sleep through the night so I could start feeling better.  So, I took it just before bedtime, and much to my surprise, I found I was not tired at all, but instead I could do everything fast.  But I was sick, and it was late, so I didn't have anything to do but sit on the sofa and knit super fast.   Apparently, for some people, codeine does not cause drowsiness.

So, I found this elder codeine cough syrup in the cabinet- and I considered what move to make next.  Nothing else is working- so should I take the syrup of old and do everything quickly?  Or will it make me sleepy this time?  It is expired no doubt.  I *should* throw it away- but I'm going to take it and see what happens next. 

What is a Gable? (J/K I know.)

 

I just finished reading The House of Seven Gables.  I read it by accident when I was 12.  Someone told me I would like Anne of Green Gables, but by the time I got to the library I could only remember “Something about Gables.”  I don’t know how, maybe a chat with an elderly librarian, or maybe a shuffle through a card catalog (with actual cards), but somehow I went home with Nathaniel Hawthorne’s 1851 classic ‘romance.’ I could not figure out why anyone would recommend such a dreary book to a pre-teen.  What about 12-year-old-me had made them think I would like a 150+-year-old book about a grumpy old maid and her crazy brother?  Well- come to find out many years later about Anne of Green Gables- far more suitable to a 12-year-old girl.

Fun fact: Nathaniel Hawthorne added the ‘e’ to his name to try to disassociate himself from ancestor-Judge John Hawthorn of the Salem Witch trials.  Nathaniel Hawthorne was born in Salem, Massachusetts, and h his cousin lived in the Turner-Ingersol mansion, aka The House of Seven Gables.  When Hawthorne visited the house it has been reduced to only had 3 or 4 gables, but since his time the perfect number of gables have been restored to make it a financial success as a historic house.

About 3 years ago we went to Salam for a visit.  To be honest, I didn’t know The House of Seven Gables was a real house, nor that it was located in Salam until we showed up there.  It was like this:

Me: Oh! The House of Seven Gables is here.  We should go.

D: Why?

Me: It’s famous!  Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote a book about it.  I read it by accident.

D: How do you read a book by accident?

Me: It’s complicated.

D: Was it a good book?

Me: No, it was terrible.  I hated it, and I don’t remember anything about it.  We still need to go.

D: Okay …

We took a tour through the House of Seven Gables.  I could barely fit my giant pregnant belly through the secret passage. I spent the WHOLE tour saying, “Lailah, stop that!” “Lailah! don’t touch that!”  “Lailah, come back here!” “Lailah! Where are you?” “Lailah, put that down!”  At the end of the tour, Eowyn asked our tour guide when her baby was coming.  The obviously NOT pregnant guide looked mortified before I rushed to tell her my children thought this was her house and she had shown us a nursery, so they thought she was going to have a baby.  As everyone shuffled past us on the way out each person in our tour group said, “Bye, Lailah. “  “It was nice to meet you, Lailah.”  “Keep having fun, Lailah.”

I would like to go back to the House of Seven Gables, alone.

After reading The House of Seven Gables for a second time I find it to still be very dreary- but not as terrible as I thought.  Hawthorne labeled it as a ‘romance.’  I wonder if romance meant something different in 1851 than it means today. I’m not going to say it was 100% romance-free, but I can confidently say it is about 98.7% romance-free. 

I read it with a highlighter in hand. I marked all the words which I did not know the definition for.  I’ve taught plenty of reading classes, so I could guess a general meaning, but I found it interesting how many words I would have to look up to really know the meaning.

"She has opened the secret drawer of an escritoire."

"Some of the most recondite specimens of ornamental needlework"

"Then, also, the augury of ill-success, uttered from the sure wisdom of experience, fell upon her half-dead hope like a clod into a grave."

"For her old gentility was contumaciously squeamish at the sight of the copper coin."

"But recognizing that this pertinacious customer would not quit her on any other terms,"

"Which would ensure obeisance to her sterling gentility"

Those are some words before I reached page 50. 

There are also lots of interesting quotes.  Here are a few  many which I marked:

“But her heart never frowned.”  💗

“Life, within doors, has few pleasanter prospects than a neatly arranged and well-provisioned breakfast table.”

“Yet there were not tokens that his physical strength might not have sufficed for a free and determined gait.  It was the spirit of the man that could not walk.”

“It is often instructive to take the woman’s, the private and domestic, view of a public man; nor can anything be more curious than the vast discrepancy between portraits intended for engraving and the pencil sketches that pass from hand to hand behind the originals back.”

“But the worst of all-the hardest stroke of fate for Hepzibah to endure, and perhaps for Clifford too-was his invincible distaste for her appearance.” ☹

“There seemed no necessity for his having drawn breath at all; the world never wanted him; but, as he has breathed, it ought always to have been the balmiest of summer air.”

“The sick in mind, and perhaps, in body, are rendered more darkly and hopelessly so by the manifold reflection of their disease, mirrored back from all quarters in the deportment of those about them; they are compelled to inhale the poison of their own breath, in infinite repetition.”

“I’m one of those people who think that infinity is big enough for us all -and eternity long enough.”

“Doubtless, more than one New Englander- or, let him be of what country he might, it is as likely to be the case- passed by, and threw a look at the monkey, and went on, without imagining how nearly his own moral condition was here exemplified.”

“She was like a prayer, offered up in the homeliest beauty of one’s native tongue.”

“Since those days, no doubt, it has grown to be suspected that, in consequence of an unfortunate overdoing of a work praiseworthy in itself, the proceedings against the witches had proved for less acceptable to the Beneficent Father than to the very Arch Enemy whom they were intended to distress and utterly overwhelm.”

“I wish you would speak more plainly,” cried Phoebi, perplexed and displeased; and above all, that you  would feel more like a Christian and a human being!”

“In all her years of seclusion, she had never felt, as now, what it was to be alone.”

“But Hepzibah did not see that, just as there comes a warm sunbeam into every cottage window, so comes a love beam of God’s care and pity for every separate need.”

“… so heavy and lumpish that we can liken him to nothing better than a defunct nightmare, which has perished in the midst of its wickedness, and left its flabby corpse on the breast of the tormented one, to be gotten rid of as it might!”

“He had a winged nature; she was rather of the vegetable kind, and could hardly be kept long alive, if drawn up by the roots.”

“The past is but a course and sensual prophecy of the present and the future.”

“Transition being so facile, what can by any man’s inducement to tarry in one spot?”

“Morbid influences, in a thousand-fold variety, gather about hearths, and pollute the life of households.”

“She was a praiseworthy woman enough, thinks the Judge, in spite of her nervousness, and the tears that she was so oozy with, and her foolish behavior about the coffee; and as she took her departure so seasonably, he will not grudge the second tombstone.” 

“If you were to speak to a young man as you do to an old one, his chance of keeping his heart another minute would not be worth one of the buttons on my waistcoat!” 

 

That's not even neighborly

 You know if anyone starts a story with this phrase: "I don't mean to sound bitchy, but..." They are about to sound bitchy.  So- here goes.

I don't mean to sound bitchy, but what is my neighbor thinking?!  UGH!  I haven't actually met her yet, so I need to vent to- not her until I hear what she has to say about the situation.  

We were out all day yesterday.  This morning I slept in because I was tired.  The girls were up.  The neighbor rang the doorbell and said told my daughter her groceries had been delivered to my house by mistake, and she was going to take them.  Just letting us know.  Ok- great.  Not her mistake- just fixing a delivery guy's inability to read street numbers painted on the curb and the mailbox.

My daughter told me all this had happened and I said, 'fine.'  When we opened the door later in the day, there were six bags of perishable groceries on my porch:  bakery cakes, deli cheese, fresh strawberries, and in my opinion way too many frozen pizza products for middle-aged adults with no kids at home- but to each her own.

I don't know how long the food had been there, but I suspect all night because the raccoons had ripped open the bags, opened the bakery and deli containers, eaten and scattered cake, strawberries, and cheese all over my porch.

The flies were buzzing, the trash was scattered, and I started feeling kinda bitchy.

Okay- I know it's not her fault the food was delivered to my house.  I know it's not her fault that the animals tore into the bags and scattered trash all over my porch, and I also know that she came over, picked up what she wanted from the mess, and left the rest of the trash to draw insects ON MY PORCH!

That is not neighborly.

What should she have done?  I mean I know what I think- but maybe I'm just too close to the situation to be subjective.

“Let Love and Friendship reign”

 I was with a band of travelers.  I was in the tent of the leader.  He was a "cowboy-gentleman." He was rustic on the outside but refined on the inside. He was everyone's friend, their brother and their father.  He was kind and generous, he was powerful and respected.  He was rich and dictated his own rules that those who followed him kept. He was a gentle and loving King. He protected his followers and provide for them.  They did his work, and he loved them.  And they loved him. 

And I loved him.

And he asked me to stay with him.  And he presented a ring to me from his own finger.  He said I would belong with him, and I would stay with him.

I knew there was a reason I should say, "no."  But I didn't want to say no.  I hesitated.  He offered again; no pressure, just an offer of kindness.

Then I accepted his offer, and he gave me his ring.  It was a simple, but beautiful- Claddagh ring.  The symbols were on a band, and the band was covered in Celtic knots.  The Claddagh symbols were on the underside of the ring, which faces the palm.

As soon as I took the ring I realized why I should have said, "no."  

If I went with him I would have to leave my family.

If I stayed with my family I could not go with him.

When I woke up I felt really sad about this dream.

I wondered at first why a good and kind King would ask anyone to leave her family to be part of his kingdom.  It didn't seem fair.

Then I remembered that Jesus said this, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. "

Matthew 10:37-39 ESV

Sometimes the crosses we take up, the burdens we bear,  are really the things we lay down.  I lay down my family, I lay down myself, I lay down my things to follow Jesus.

The symbols of the hands holding the heart with a crown mean "Let Love and Friendship reign."

The Claddagh ring has been used a promise ring and a wedding ring for hundreds of years in the Gallaway Bay area of Ireland.

book list

 The other day I made a book list page in my notebook.  It's good to look back and remember what I have read. After I made the page I wanted to write down all the books I've read so far in 2021.  I was shocked to find (about myself) that it was March and I have only read one book in 2021.  That's disappointing. I mean- the year is 1/4 over and I've only read one book?!  Ugh.

So I snapped to it and read another one right quick.

Now I'm reading "The Collected Works of Oscar Wilde".  No lie- I was skeptical at first.  I wanted to read "A Picture of Dorian Gray," so I bought the collection.  Of course, that particular work was not in the collection. When I started reading the first story I was not impressed.  The writing is excellent as expected, but the topic was Shakespeare.  I know people who like English literature are supposed to love Shakespeare- but I'm not those people.  

I finally pushed my way through that story, and was delighted to find the other stories much more to my liking. They are, so far, everything I think a short story should be.  There is always a nice little twist at the end that makes me feel like I haven't wasted my time. 

I am also reading - rereading "A Handmaid's Tale." It has always been one of my favorites.  I'm preparing to read the sequel for the first time.  I have also started a book titled "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen."  I need that one because my little kids pretend words don't exist sometimes.

CS Lewis is on my list of 'to read' and I'll have to wait to see what else comes up!

surprise! it's a tomato (plant)

 Sometimes I surprise even myself with my nonsense.  I have this "potted plant" on my kitchen window sill.  I don't remember what the original plant was, but one sad day it became just a pot of dirt on my windowsill as the life which inhabited it passed on to plant heaven.  He gives and takes away ... 

One day I noticed that my carrots were sprouting, so I planted them in the empty window sill pot.  They grew into pretty little plants, but I learned later they would never grow into a carrot again.  Carrot greens are eatable though, so I cut them and put them in my salad.  They tasted like- nothing basically.  Then all the stems of my carrot leaf spouts died.  He gives and takes away ...

One day my sweet potatoes were spouting, so I planted them.  They grew some pretty little stalks with bright green leaves.  I know some people grow sweat potato vines for decoration, but I wondered if a sweet potato would also grow.  I also wondered how you know when your sweat potato root was ready to be harvested.  It all seemed somewhat mysterious.  In the midst of all my wondering, I guess I forgot to water them- or maybe I was just using the wrong water.  We have filtered water in the house- not so great for the plants.  I have to get water from other people, or rainwater- sort of a hassle. Anyway, all the pretty little leaves fell off so I pulled the stems.  surprise I found this tiny, baby- barbie sized sweet potato!  He gives and takes away and gives again!

I left a few sweet potato stems because they still had a leaf or two.  Those little guys were working hard on their comeback when I noticed a couple dozen little spouts popping up one day.  I thought some little piece of potato had really started giving its all.

Then, to be honest, I didn't really pay that much attention to them at all.  I mean I know it's on my windowsill, and I look at it every day, but well- the next thing I knew those little sprouts were 7 inches tall.  And I also noticed that those little spouts were definitely not sweet potato sprouts.  In fact, it looked to me like I was growing a whole passel of tomato plants.

It occurred to me that I had no clear recollection of planting any tomato seeds.  SURPRISE! It's a tomato (plant)!

I had bought some tomato seeds with the intent of planting them- but then I lost them.  

I think this is what happened.  

Last summer - my friend said, "Come over to our house and pick some figs. We have so many figs."  Now, I'm not a big fig eater- I mean who is? but it was mid-pandemic and we hadn't been out much so that sounded grand.  Off we went to pick figs.  We picked some figs, and they showed us the other parts of the garden where they were growing some melons or cucumbers or some such and there were tons of tiny grape tomatoes just dropping off the vines.  I said something about them, and they said, "Well, we didn't really plant those- they are volunteers from last year's garden.  You can take as many as you want, we harvest at least a bucket full every week."  So- I took some of those tasty little rubies. I mean a homegrown tomato is about 1000% better than a store-bought one.  (Which makes me oh-so-sad that I can't manage to grow them at home.)  

A few of those little tomatoes had some cracks or specks or blemishes or something- in any case, they didn't get eaten.  They dried up and turned into little tomato raisins. I vaguely remember putting a little cup of dried-up cherry tomatoes in the fridge.  I also vaguely remember finding those same dried-up tomatoes a good while later when I was cleaning out the fridge and wondering why I had put them in the fridge in the first place.

That is the mystery.  I guess I put those little withered gems in some dirt to see what would happen next- and then promptly forgot about the whole thing.    HOW WONDERFUL.

I'm not so bad at growing the tomato plants, it's the actual tomato that stumps me.  

We're going again this summer!  Tomatoes or bust!

The other day I noticed my celery was sprouting ... I guess I need a new window sill pot.

whamy :(

 Yesterday I went to pick up T and as usual, she gave me a happy greeting.  She quickly, however, gave me a sad face and said, "Whamy!"

I said, "Whamy?"

She said, "Whamy!"

I said, "I don't know what that is."

She said, "Whamy! Ah-ho ahh-ahh who. Whamy!"

Now- she was a little delayed in taking- and even now when she's making sentences and telling us complex ideas she still sounds like a little monkey sometimes.

I said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand. Let's go."

She said, (with a very sad face) "Ma Whamy!

We were already out at the car, but suddenly it clicked- I got it!  

I said, "Are you saying you left your lamby in your classroom?"

I've made a career of understanding people learning English and it took this long to understand my own child?

(Happy Face) "Yeah- (long steam of babbling sounds ending with Whamy!")

I said, "I'll go get it."

I had forgotten that morning I had negotiated that she leave her "beebee" (pacifier) at home, and she could take the lamby to school instead.

J&J covid vaccine- check

 I got my J&J vaccine last week.  I hadn't been especially concerned about getting a vaccine.  I figured there were plenty of people who wanted it or needed it more than I did, so I was just waiting my turn. My sister-in-law is a nurse practitioner.  Every once in a while she would announce that her practice had extra vaccines.  The problem was that once she let us know they were available, we had to drive 45 minutes to get them that same day.  

Once the governor announced no mask mandate and 100% openings for business, I thought we might want to start getting more serious about our vaccines.

Our opportunity came up last Thursday, so yeah we're vaccinated!

D had zero reaction.  Of course.  I, like 1.4% of the population had all of them.  Of course.

It wasn't terrible, just annoying.  I had a slight fever and chills, fatigue, and ouchie! vaccine arm.  

Actually, I didn't know there was such a thing as 'vaccine arm' until today.  I got the vaccine on Thursday.  On Friday I had soreness and redness about the size of a nickel.  Saturday it was very sore and the redness was about the size of my thumb.  Sunday the redness was about three inches across and two inches wide.  It was quite painful.  It felt like a deep muscle bruise.  The slightest touch was too much.  (troublesome with three huggy girl-children.) By Monday I was feeling a bit better, not quite as tired and yuck, but my arm injection site had started itching like crazy!  I couldn't scratch it because it hurt too much.  I had been taking Benadryl and pain relievers, but nothing seemed to help.  Tuesday I think I thought I was all better and did too much stuff and felt bad again by evening.  UGH.

Today I didn't do much- my redness is mostly gone, it only itches a little, the soreness is reduced and so I think I'm almost recovered from my J&J vaccine!  

There is still about a two-inch-long welt under my skin at the injection site.  This is certainly the weirdest reaction I've ever had to any kind of vaccine.

So now I won't die from the disease du jour.

ships in the sky

 I had an unsettling dream last night.  I have had similar dreams before.  I was traveling with extended family (as if that isn't unsettling enough) and we were staying in a large urban area.  We were using only public transportation and walking around when everyone noticed the ships in the sky.  They were enormous-and hovering just above the clouds.  Everyone was starting to panic- and as always happens during times of panic there was a food and transport shortage.  We were stranded in a strange city without access to food or any way to leave.

Of course, the looming problem was still in the sky- but dealing with everyday problems was the only thing that we focused on.

Sometimes we can only do what we can do- and we just have to let the rest happen.

Tamzin the Friendly

 I decided to change pre-schools for T.  I took her with me to visit a new place.  While the director was showing me around she was telling me what the kids would do on a regular basis.  She said, "These little cubbies are where the kids will hang up their jackets and put their things."  So- T took off her sweater and put her bear up on the shelf.  The director said, "Oh! she knows how to get things started!"  Then she said, "This is the three-year-old classroom, with all the learning centers."  So, T went over and started playing with the playset.  Then, while we are watching what will happen next she said, "At lunch time we clean everything up and line up to go to lunch." And even though she was talking to me the whole time, T put what she was playing with away and stood in front of the door.  

That girl was showing how schooled she was.

We looked at the rest of the facility, played with some more toys, and when it was time to go the director put her hand out to shake with T.  T pushed her hand aside, and gave her a hug.  

I said, "I guess she likes it here."

The director said, "She is SO CUTE!"

She is so cute- and smart, and stubborn and independent like her sisters.

The other day we were cleaning out the garage to get ready for a new garage door (that actually opens and closes- novel) near dusk when all the sudden someone says, "Where's Tamzin?"  I said, "Well, that's a good question, and I went to look in the house, while my husband went down the driveway."  Down at the street, he yelled her name and our neighbor (who we stayed with during the storm) yelled back, "she's down here!"  That's across the street and down three houses that my three-year-old took herself in the almost dark.  So I walked down there, and sure enough, there is her tiny scooter leaning up against the door.  

The neighbor said, "Tamzin's here, I don't know where the other girls are."  I told her they were at home, where we thought T was too. She said, "Tamzin just came up and knocked on the door, and I asked "What are you doing here?" and she said, "I come in."  So I said, "okay."

I told T we needed to go and she hugged everyone and said,  "Bye!"  

And the neighbor said, "She is so cute!"