Job 33:28

Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Sweet Dreams

 Sometimes I have sweet dreams.  Sometimes I have really weird dreams.  Sometimes I have dreams that are so irritating that I wake up wondering if I really got any rest at all.  

But last night they were sweet dreams.

I was with a friend from the past.  We were together after a long awkward silence- very long in fact- like a life time.

It seemed that we hadn’t planned the get together, but it also wasn’t completely unexpected.  I felt uneasy because of some things I had said before the current meeting.  

We were sitting together- being uncomfortable together- when another friend came in.  I felt this was both good and bad- good because perhaps this new friend would break the tension and make us feel normal- bad because it had been so very long since I had seen or talked to this old friend that I had hoped that we would have some time to ourselves to catch up.

The new friend greeted us and started settling in for a visit.  We were happy to see this addition to our group, so the tension did break and we were becoming more natural.  

Suddenly the new friend had to leave, and he gathered all his things and was gone.

We, my old friend and I, were alone again.

Then he came to me- embraced me and and said, “I wish it could have been different for us.  I wish we could have had a  _____ relationship.”  I don’t actually remember clearly the word he used.  That’s odd because I remember thinking when I woke that the word didn’t match the feeling in the strictest sense. 

The word that I keep landing on now is “corporal.”  Corporal means ‘body,’ but this was not at all a sexual tone- more like a brotherly affection.  As I write this I’m thinking the body of Christ. 

Perhaps it meant, ‘I wish we could have had a relationship as part of the body of Christ . . .’ 

Or maybe it meant that our friendship will continue outside of our corporal existence- in heaven . . .

When I woke it was a sweet feeling- and a little sad.  

I wish things were different too.

I wish my girls had an uncle to tell them about the ‘War of Northern Aggression” (I think we all see those quotation marks- I considered making them bold- but . . . I don’t need to be too aggressive) and the Old Republic of Texas.  I think they would quite like an eccentric uncle- current uncles are generally low on eccentricity- most of them anyway.

Saturday, February 18, 2023

Every day I’m shuffling - shuffling.

 I have been working full time sine the beginning of the school year.  I have been a “long term sub” for the ESL department of my ISD.  I will transfer to “Teacher” when I take (and pass) my teacher certification exam- and get the results back.  I admit I have been putting it off- but I’m ready now and I plan to take it this month.  The only thing that will change in this school year with that certification is that I’ll get paid more. :) 

I expect my current schedule to continue.  Each week students have eight 90+ minute classes.  Most teachers have six 90+ minute classes a week, one planning period, and one meeting period.  I have four classes a week, my planning period and my meeting period.  It is kind of wonderful because truly I don’t have much to plan.  I have two English 1/ESOL1 classes- which are English 1 classes for kids who have been the the US for two years or less. I also have two “English Language Development and Acquisition” (ELDA) classes. These are required classes for the same group of kids, but it is more like a study hall, additional help time.  — meaning I don’t have to plan anything.

The other two classes a week, I substitute.  The last period of every day is a surprise.  I often end up in one of the class rooms near mine- so English Lit, Geography, or Algebra.  Occasionally I’ll be sent off to the far reaches of the school- Art class, Welding class, Game design and development class, Fashion design class, Economics, Business etc.

Yesterday I headed off to a math class.  Not Algebra or Geometry- but some other name I didn’t recognize. I started down the hall.  As I walked I thought to myself, “I haven’t been down this hall before.” I walked in the room, and the first thing that happened was a student who walked up to me coming in in for hug with arms wide open.  He said, “Hi! I’m Alex, what’s your name?”  Then I realized, “Ah- I’m in Speacial Ed today!”  The next thing I noticed was a big guy walking around the room.  He looked too old to be a student, but he was wearing shorts and a tank top- not the attire of someone who was working there. I looked around and thought several of the students looked older than high school age.  I know that some special ed students continue on for training after they are 18, but this guy still didn’t fit in. I looked at him- before I could ask what his roll was he said, “I’m a helper!  I help here.  I’m a helper in here.”  So- yeah- seems like maybe he was also special.  

The teacher had left instructions like this: “There are worksheets on the table, teach the students how to do them, collect them when the students are done.  Make sure the room is clean when you leave.”  I looked at the worksheet and it seemed to be pre-algebra.  Maybe pre-pre-algebra.  

SIDE NOTE: Amazingly I got an ACADEMIC LETTER (didn’t even know that was a thing until I got it) in Algebra.  Was it because I excelled at Algebra?  Because I was an Algebra whiz who tutored all the other lowly Algebra students?  NO!  I was terrible at Algebra!  I never understood what was happening in Algebra!  I needed to keep my GPA up for scholarships- so I did work really hard at Algebra.  I asked A LOT of questions in Algebra.  I didn’t get a lot of answers in Algebra because the school was literally being torn down around my classroom, and the sound of the bull dozers and back hoes drown out my teacher.  I would say, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” (Caps for yelling this time.) And he would yell back, “JUST LOOK AT WHAT I’M WRITING ON THE BOARD!”  I think he gave me the academic letter because I seemed to be the only one who cared about passing the class.  

Okay- flash forward to the pre-pre-algebra special ed worksheet.  I notice it has number lines, greater than/less than symbols and a word problem about area.  I can do the greater than/less than.  The others are a no -go.  So- I walk around and start telling the students in small groups how to do that part of the worksheet.  While that’s happening big guy says, “Is it okay to play some music for the class.  The regular teacher  usually lets us.”  So I say, “Sure.”  I mean I don’t know what is needed to keep these kids calm on a regular basis.  This little Asian girl say, “Oh I know some nice relaxing music you can play.”  Good idea- I play relaxing music in my classroom- when the tech is working.  I put on her modern/light jazz play list. Seems good to me.  Big guy is all “What’s this?! I’m gonna be the DJ!  What do you guys want?”  Thanks Helper!  Now R Kelly and Pit Bull are spitting explicatives- and I’m all-“you gotta change that song and  turn it down!” I notice that some of the kids are holding their ears and rocking back and forth.

They turn it down, but toward the end of class it morphs into Tejano music and starts getting louder again. The kid in the corner says, “Can you ask them to turn that music off?  I don’t like Mexican Music!”  Class is almost over, and I’ve had enough myself so I’m like, “Yeah, I’ll turn it off.” This is where things start flying off the rails.

About 4 of the other kids in the class gather around the kid who didn’t like the Mexican music.  I don’t know what they were saying or doing, because when I say “kids” I mean like 5’10- 6’  200 lb young men. The kid who didn’t like the music starts squealing, “Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Get away from me!”  I go over there to break it up- I try to disperse them and get them to back away.  They are all upset because they say that kid is racist.  

I triy to explain to them that just because he doesn’t like a certain kind of music doesn’t mean he’s racist. There are lots of different kinds of music, and we don’t have to like all of them.  They all agree to that, but then inform me that he has said, “Bad things about people and their countries before.”  So- okay I can’t speak to that, but today we are going to back up and leave him alone.  I look over to quiet 'Asian- modern/light jazz girl' and she is visibly upset.  I go talk to her.  She tells me she is upset because they are being mean to 'don’t like Mexican Music boy.'  She asks if she can ask them to be nice to him.  

That seemed like a reasonable request, so I say,  “Yeah, you can do that.”  The next thing I know there’s an angry owl next to  me screeching “Leave him Alone! Stop being mean to him!”  

Well that set one of the boys off and he puffs up and starts pointing and yelling, “Shut the F#$@ up!  You just shut the F%$# up! SHUT THE F#$% UP!!!”  The wheels are OFF in this class!  The other student are trying to calm him down, and I’m wondering if I’m about to get hit in the face.  

Then, Mercifully- the bell rings and everyone walks out happy as little clams (if clams could walk)- except for Jazz girl- who is a crying mess.  I give her a hug and say, “Are you okay?  You are okay- it’s fine.  You are fine.”  

Then I walked out and locked the door.

Adios SPED class! I won't be sad if I don't walk down this hall again.


Wednesday, February 01, 2023

snow day-no go day

 It's our annual snow day in North Texas.  T went outside and when she came in she said, "It's too cold out there, it makes my brain hurt."  Yes.  Yes to that.  We, as a state, are sorely underprepared for all winter outbreaks.

Of course, now that all things are shut down I feel an overwhelming need to get my eyebrows shaped and my hair cut.  For weeks- perhaps months I've been telling myself "I need to get this done." Alas, I rarely listen to the good advice I give myself.  So, here I am with wild bushy eyebrows and hair in need of serious attention.  Here I am also ice locked in the house for the next few days of winter.  As so as winter has passed the urgency of my hairiness will also pass.

As it turns out crazy bushy eyebrows are all the rage these days.


Sunday, January 22, 2023

may be my spirit animal

My study in hippos is not improving my ability to produce a hippo.  This one looks like a pig. The other one looks like a tired dinosaur.  
 Some facts about hippos:                                 
 1.  Scientists used to think that hippos were related to pigs.  Now they think that hippos are related to whales.     
      
 2.  Hippos are the heaviest land animals, or perhaps the third largest.  Depends on who you ask.   

 3. Hippos are quite dangerous and over 500 deaths a year are attributed to them. Sharks kill about 10 people per year, and champagne corks kill about 25 people per year.  Hippos with champagne corks kill about 525 people per year.      
                                             
4. Hippos can't swim, or breathe underwater.  The latter makes sense since they are mammals, but they can hold their breath for five minutes.  Which, to be honest, doesn't seem like enough time for an aquatic animal. 

5. Hippos nap underwater, but every five minutes they have to go to the surface to breathe- but they do it while sleeping.  They have some automatic reflex that allows them to float to the top and sink to the bottom while sleeping.  That sounds untrue- but I'm assuming the internet wouldn't lie to me about hippos.

6. Hipps are mainly herbivores but sometimes they eat people, and, lions, and gazels ... because they CAN.  

7. (the perfect number- to stop this nonsense-) A group of hippos is called a pod, a siege, a thunder, a sea, a herd, or according to the BBC a bloat. We should all believe the BBC- right? 


 I need to know more about hippos.    I now know more about hippos.  I'm going to give my Hippo representation a few more tries.  I know I can do better than this.

Friday, January 20, 2023

Bible verse diagraming or mapping


 This is called Bible verse diagraming or mapping. I just learned about it.  This style is called “The James Method.” You can buy digital or paper notebook templates at The James Method, or you can be cheap like me and make your own template in your notebook that you already carry around all the time anyway.

It took longer than I expected- and I tried to keep it pretty basic.  This one took me about an hour.  I used a  Bible app on my iPad, and online dictionary and Google to complete it-as well as a notebook, pen, and highlighters- obviously.

It was a good exercise-I think I will continue on with it.  This verse was the verse of the day from the Bible app- and I used the first version that popped up as my main verse.  I chose the other versions NASB and KJV because NASB is close to word-for-word and KJV is classic right?  I suppose if I had more room and ambition I would have also used NIV.  The main verse is in “EASY English Version.”  I think it is intended for English learners.  

Thursday, January 19, 2023

prove me wrong

 I am currently teaching high school English.  As such figures of speech keep popping up.  The English class I teach happens to be for speakers of languages other than English.  Mostly Spanish- my French study has not come in handy so far. I was (trying) to explain denotation, connotation, and collocation just the other day.  

Some linguist I know threw out the phrase "collocation clash" today.  I've never heard of it.  He said it was like an oxymoron- when two contradictory words or ideas are put together like 'jumbo shrimp' or 'humblebrag.'

Then I thought to myself- 'Self- why would there be another word for the same thing? Why not just call it an oxymoron-because let's face it it's fun to say 'oxymoron.''

So- I looked up collocation clash to find that it is not an oxymoron, but also not clearly defined- I  concluded that it is -instead words or ideas put together that native speakers generally don't put together.  My example was 'holy cow' is a collocation because we find those two words together and it is expected and ordinary.  If I said, 'holy heifer!' - as a native English speaker you would know the intention, but it's not a collocation, because we don't usually use those words together.  

Therefore- 'holy heifer' is a collocation clash- 'holy cow' is a collocation, and I tell you in 'loud whisper' that Collocation clashes are not oxymorons.

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

“So … we’re robbing the bank?”

 I had plans for the long weekend.  When I say plans- I mean not only plans to do, but also plans to NOT do.  I planned to try out my sewing machine after it had been in the shop for several weeks.  I planned to read a book I had picked up at school. I planned to pack up the Christmas decorations, because, yes- they are still up.  I planned to work on the MOUNTAIN of laundry growing mightily in the laundry room. I planned to sleep in, and to have lunch with a friend on Monday.  I planned NOT to do any major house work, Not to study, Not to waist time at the grocery store, Not to spend (a lot of) time on social media.

Things- of course- went off course.  I wasn’t feeling great on Friday.  I was tired, and I went to bed early. (No reading.) I slept in on Saturday (Yay!) then I got up with the plan to stop by an office which had advertised it was closing and giving away unwanted office supplies.  The contact had stated that I should bring a box, as there were lots of folders, files, binders, desk organizers, pens, pencils etc.  I still wasn’t feeling great, but I took my box and went to the office as planned.  I expected to spend not more than a few minutes picking up some supplies, then a short trip to the store- the doggies were HANGRY!- then back home to do and not do for the weekend.

When I got the office it was a suite on one of the upper floors of a Chase bank.  I had to walk through the bank lobby to get to the elevators.  When I got to the suite I was looking for the contact introduced herself and said, “Anything you see that is not labeled ‘Rik’ is available. Do you want any cubicles?  How about this executive conference table? Any need for these dozen filing cabinets?”

 I said, “I just came for pencils and desk organizers.” 

 She said, “Oh! We have that too!” As we walked through the suite she pointed out all the things that were up for grabs, monitors, extension cords, network cords, chairs, desks, shelves, cabinets, tables . . .

Although I knew it I would regret it, I called my husband.  He has a passion for cords and power strips.  I saw some computer equipment I thought me might be interested in- admittedly - I thought I would like some man power to pack a few shelves into the van.  Not that I needed shelves, but some of their shelves were nicer than my current shelves so I thought a trade out would be nice.

D came up and we spent the next THREE AND A HALF HOURS pillaging the suite.  He brought Lailah and Tamzin with him, and they had a grand time playing with the phones, spinning on the office chairs, rummaging around in mostly empty cubicles and desks, and collecting “awesome things” like old birthday decorations and left-behind mugs.  D collected many boxes of cords, cables, backup power supplies, a monitor and a few unidentified objects which “looked useful.”

We ended up with 5 chairs, 4 tables, 5 shelves, boxes of cords, desk supplies, binders, folders, decorations, and two punch bowls with 6 cups and a Dallas Police Department mug. 

By the time we were done the bank had closed, and the doors were locked.  We could go out, but we wouldn’t be able to get back in-so we piled everything in the lobby, then moved it from the lobby to the van all at once.  The girls were getting restless as D jigsawed everything into the van, and they started to get a little wild- running around and touching everything.  I told them they couldn’t touch other people’s things or run around  breaking things like wild people.  They asked, “Why not?”  I explained that this was a bank, but it was closed, but we had to respect other people’s property because they were going to come back to work on Tuesday and wonder who broke or moved their stuff.  

That’s when Lailah started logic-ing.  She said, “So- this is a bank?”

I said, “Yes.”

Lailah: “And it’s closed, but we’re in it?”

Me: “Yeah”

Lailah: “And we can’t move stuff around or break it because we don’t want people to know we were here.”

Me: “Well, yeah I guess so”. 

Lailah: “And we are taking all this stuff we got from here home?”

Me: “Yes.”

Lailah: “So- we’re robbing the bank?!”

Me: “NO! We are NOT ROBBING THE BANK!!! Do NOT go to school next week and tell your friends and teachers that you robbed a bank over the weekend!”

Lailah: “But why are we being quiet and taking all this stuff out of the bank?”

Me: “Okay, we are in the bank now, but when we were upstairs it was a different business, and they GAVE us all this stuff because they don’t want it any more.  We just are in the bank now because this is how you get out of the building!”

Lailah: “Are you sure?”

Me: “YES! I’m SURE we are NOT ROBBING the bank, okay?”

Lailah: “Yeah-okay.”

Tamzin: “I like robbing the bank!”

Me: “Oh my gosh- I’m going to get calls about this . . .”

In the end- we spent all afternoon/evening Saturday “robbing the bank” and unloading the loot, and going to the store for the dogs, all day/evening Sunday at Gene’s birthday celebration, and I spend most of the afternoon on Monday chatting, lunching, and shopping with a friend.  I still wasn’t feeling great- so I rested on Monday evening- read, watched a movie, looked at the giant pile of laundry and then went on about NOT folding it.

It was not a bad weekend- just not the one I planned/planned not.

Don’t be jelly of my clipboard.

 I did substitute teacher training.  It told me that if I walk around with a clipboard I will look official and it will inspire students to regard me with authority.  

I thought that was the silliest thing I had read in a long while.

But- one day I decided to use a clipboard to keep track of the attendance paper- as one day it got lost in a shuffle of other papers.  

As I walked around the room with my clipboard- I felt like I was inspiring students to regard me with authority- no not really.

I did, however, feel pretty official. 

Yeah! Of course I know what I’m doing, I have a Clipboard!

Wednesday, June 01, 2022

"I like you best"

 One time I was laying on the floor near the fireplace in a stranger’s house.  My friends were all at a table noisily playing a game.  They called to me and said, “Come, play this game with us, we’re having fun!”  I said, “No thank you.” I was reading a book I had found on the shelf.  My friend came to me and laid down beside me.  I read my book to him, and he read his to me. We laughed and talked, and I said, “Don’t you want to play the game with everyone else?” He said, “No, I want to be here with you.”

 

One time I was sitting on the sofa in a living room that wasn’t mine. My friends were all talking and laughing together after dinner, before a summer night. They said, “What should we do tonight? Do you want to watch a movie together?” I said, “No thank you, I’m going to walk to the library.” My friend said, “I’ll go with you.” We walked the short distance to the library, chatting about things that are light, and full of summer. At the library, we didn’t speak at all but met again at the door when the library closed. I said, “Didn’t you want to watch the movie with everyone else?” He said, “No, I wanted to be here with you.”

 

One time I was sitting on a bench; my friends were all around me.  My friend walked in and the person on my right stood up and moved to a nearby chair.  I said, “What’s going on?”  He said, “He’s coming. He always asks someone to move when he comes. I’m just making room for him.”  Then he came.  He sat next to me, and we continued on as before.  I asked him “Why do you always sit next to me?” He said,  “I like to be here with you.”

 

One time I was sitting in a circle of chairs, waiting for strangers to join me. I was among the first to sit down, so I watched as the circle became complete with people I has only just met. As the people continued to come into the room, the chair beside me was left empty.  A few people stood outside the circle, as there were not enough chairs.   I said, “Someone can sit here.” Someone said, “Oh, we were saving that for your husband.”  “My husband?” I said, “No, I don’t have a husband.  Who did you think my husband was?”  “The tall guy.”  She said, “with the dark hair, he stood next to you when we met.”    “Ah- yes, he always stands beside me; he’s not my husband.  He’s not coming tonight, but you are right, he usually likes to be here next to me.”

 

One time I was alone in a room in a house where I didn’t live. My friend came to me and said, “You should be careful, he’s just messing with you.  He flirts with everyone.  He will break your heart.” I said, “No, it’s okay, it’s a joke, it’s a game, it’s not real.  We’re friends.”  Every morning when I saw him I said, “You’re my friend,” and he stood beside me, and we held hands, and we closed our eyes, and we prayed- ‘LORD, don’t let us fall off the roof, or step on a nail, or break the pipes, or lose our measuring tapes again. Amen.’”

 

One time I asked him, “Is this how you treat all your friends?”  He said, “No, I like you best.”

Friday, April 15, 2022

white dinner

 I made an all-white dinner the other day.  Nobody thought it was as clever as I did.

It was baked chicken breast over sauteed cauliflower, white rice, and green bean casserole (in white sauce). We had cheesecake for dessert.


Tuesday, April 05, 2022

a can of poop

 A few weeks ago my mother-in-law came home from California with some 'sweet grapefruit' she purchased at a market. I did not volunteer to eat it, but of course, my child did.  This is clearly a child who has never tasted grapefruit.  She took one bite and said, 'no thanks.'

I can't blame her for trying new things- so I thought I'd give it a try too.  To my surprise, it really was a sweet grapefruit.  It was not terrible and I *might* even be convinced to try it again.

I was wondering the other day if I could find those sweet grapefruit in my local grocery when I spotted a CAN of grapefruit.  I've never seen canned grapefruit before, so I got it. (We all know where my child gets it from.)

While unpacking the groceries my husband says, "Why did you get this?!" (canned grapefruit)  

I said, "Well, I never saw it before, so I wanted to try it.  It might be good, you never know."

He said, "Sometimes you know-   like you wouldn't try a can of poop."

I said, "Umm- I've never seen a can of poop- so I can't say."

I tried the canned grapefruit today.

I took the first bite and thought, 'this is terrible, but I think I can eat half now and half later.'

I took three more bites before I concluded, 'I cannot.  No, no .... no, no, no.  Noooo, nope.'

In other news, did you know unwanted canned grapefruit can be an effective garbage disposal deodorizer?

I'm sort of a DIYer.   😝

Saturday, March 26, 2022

curiosity killed the cat ( a got the girl in the butt)

 I was in my office when I heard the 4-year-old scream like the end was upon her.  So I got my fat butt up to investigate. She was standing in the door of the master bedroom with her pants around her ankles screaming, tears pouring- trying to tell me something I couldn't understand.

Something was still going on in the bathroom, so I went in to see what was what.

The cold water bidet was streaming FULL bast, hitting the shower door and splattering all over the bathroom. I turned it off at my own peril. Crisis and flood averted I turn back to the girl, who is still screaming.

I said, "Are you okay?"

Her: NO! I scared!

Me: You're scared because that potty got you?

Her: I'm all wet!

Me: Yeah, you're all wet, did it hurt you?

Her: Yes! It hurt my feeling!

Me: (SELF, DON'T LAUGH) it hurt your feelings? 

Her: YEAH!

Me: But did it hurt your butt?

Her: no

Me: Why didn't you go to your bathroom?

Her: I scared!

Me: I know my toilet is scary, but why didn't you go to yours?

Her: I scared (Melts into babbling again) sob-sob bug- sob-scared!

Me: OH! you were scared of the bug in your bathroom, so you went in mine?

Her: Yeah

Me: and the toilet got you?

Her YEAH! and it hurt my feeling and I'm all wet!

Me: yeah- bathrooms can be like that- let's get your clothes changed. 


My husband scoffed when I suggested we get a bidet.  But then he found one on sale, and got it- and declared it the best home buy of the year.  It is just a basic cold water bidet, but it has a powerful blast.  I mean, you get too excited on that nob and it could hurt you, and obviously spray across the room onto the shower door too, not to mention how it can terrify a four-year-old who was just sitting on the potty touching nobs- like you do- when a powerful blast of cold water shot her off the toilet like an actic bottle rocket.

OH, THE HUMANITY!  :)



Wednesday, November 17, 2021

The sub

 I have been substitute teaching at my children's’ school.  I had never substituted before.  I chose this school because I always pick them up after school and I knew I wouldn’t have to make any special arrangements to continue doing that if I was here and they were here.  Ideally I would have chosen a high school, and I still might next year.

Somethings I learned about substitute teaching:
1. Never agree to teach an elementary class when the teacher just couldn’t be bothered to show up.  WTF?
2. Never teach an elementary class
3. Especially 5th grade
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

My first day of substitute teaching I was filling in for a very well organized 7th grade science teacher.  Everything was laid out and detailed instructions for a variety of circumstances were included in a three ring binder.  The students were a little sassy, as expected, but nothing really unusual happened.

My second day of substitute teaching was utter chaos.  I had signed up to be a teacher’s aid for elementary.  When I walked in they said, “Do you want to take a 2nd grade class instead?”  I was all like, “Ummm- well, No.”

“No?- Okay, how about 7th grade band? You don’t have to teach music, and you will have an aide with you. It will be so easy- it will be a great day!”
Me: “Okay.”
The aide: “Follow me, I’ll show you the room we will be in.  We’ll have two classes in here, band and theater. There are 30 chairs in here for students. We may have as many as 50 students in here- but don’t worry.  I’ll be with you the whole time.

Two hours, a bunch of school gossip and a handful of conspiracy theories later he’s all, “I gotta go. There’s a sub who never showed up- they are calling another one, but I need to fill in until they come.  I’ll be right next door.”  

50 kids walk into my room, 6th, 7th, 8th graders.  They are all over the place, there are only about 30 chairs so they fill up 3/4 of the chairs, mill around the room, sprawl out on the floor, lean against the walls.  

I ask the students, “What do you usually do in this class.”  They say, “Nothing, our teacher has been out for a while.  He has Covid.  He died on the floor, but the nurse came in and moved his head around and brought him back.  Then the ambulance came and took him.”  I say, “Is he okay?”  They admit they don’t know.  (Nor do they seem to care.)

I tell the 50 students to sit down somewhere, anywhere, just  don’t get up.  I’m not even going to try to keep them quiet or on task with work I know they have from other classes- I just want them to stop moving around.

The 50 leave without incident. I feel accomplished in the fact that nobody died on my watch.  

The next class is small- there are only about 8 of them.  One of them is tiny sixth grader who moves around the classroom like a pinball.  He zips around the room moving in unexpected directions and at varying speeds.  I watch him spin and ping until he attempts to jump on a stool, miscalculates and topples the stool. He lands awkwardly on the legs.  I tell him to sit down, but not on the stool.  Soon he is wandering again.  He makes his way to a keyboard- I watch him as he tries to turn it on, but it doesn’t work.  He searches for the outlet,  plugs it in, turns it on and begins to play chopsticks. This is much like watching a very bad animal kingdom documentary.  I have no idea how long it is until this class is over, but I feel as though it has already been too long.

Other classes some and go- teachers and aids wander in and out sharing tidbits of unsolicited gossip and life stories. I smile and nod and make an effort to pretend I care.

The day ends- mercifully.  

Thursday, November 11, 2021

the last time ...

 Parents record babies' firsts.  The first time they roll over, sleep through the night, eat solid food, sit up, take a step, etc.  It is very exciting for parents to see their kids hit these milestones.  It lets us know everything is okay- our baby is on track- she is normal- or even more exciting- she is ahead of the curve. 

While I was thinking about this I realized I have videos of my older kids' first steps, but nothing for the youngest. Pooh.

For my youngest, I want to remember the lasts.  Not her lasts- mine.  The last time I gave her a bottle, the last time I changed a diaper, the last time I gave her a pacifier.  Those have all happened.  There are other lasts with her and with my other girls.  

When will be the last time she raises her arms and says "Up, Mama!"  Sometimes I say, "No, you can walk."  Or "No, you are big now, I can't up you."  But the next time I think- 'Today is not that last time- not today!' and I pick her up and cuddle her because she's my last baby.

The other girls still want to hold my hand, and want me to help them wash their hair.  They want me to brush their hair and read with them and draw with them.  But they also do a lot of things on their own.  Little by little our lasts come with our children.  

I'm watching out for mine.  I don't want to look back and say- "I don't remember the last time I ..."

Wednesday, November 10, 2021

something new

 I would like it if I could articulate something new that I learned each day.  I think I do learn something new every day, but at the end of the day- much like my children, I have a hard time saying exactly what that thing may have been.  

Me: What did you learn at school today?

Her: Lots of stuff.

Me: Like what?

Her: I don't know.

Or if I ask the littlest one (pre-schooler)

Me: What did you learn today?

Her: ABCs!

Me: What letter did you learn about? (I can see on her papers that she learned about F, 6, Blue, and circles.)

Her: C! 

Me: No, your paper says F!

Her: I like C!

Me: But you learned about F.

Her: No! C!

Me: Is C your favorite?

Her: Yes!  

She's very consistent with this.  I never knew of anyone having a favorite letter, but she loves C.

Anyway- I like to learn something new each day.  Today I learned how to make a provisional cast-on in knitting.  It is used to make socks.  I've never made a sock.  I've been told it's quite nice to make socks.  I should try.  

Today I'm making a pomegranate. This is in line with my unofficial policy of not making anything useful.  

Is there is any reason to knit or to have a  knit pomegranate? Certainly not.

However, here are some facts about pomegranates to keep us all up to date:

1. Pomegranates are native to Persia

2. The word pomegranate means 'apple with many seeds'


3. One pomegranate can hold more than 1000 seeds.

4. In Jewish tradition pomegranates are a symbol of righteousness

5. In Greek and Persian Mythology it represents life, regeneration, and marriage

6. In Buddism it is a symbol of holiness and blessing and is one of the three holy fruits

7. In Christian art, the pomegranate is sometimes held by the Christ Child The seeds represent many believers making the whole of the church



Sunday, November 07, 2021

Snappy McNibbles

 Consider this- a children's book about a little black dog named Snappy McNibbles.  Snappy's badness level far outsizes her physical size.

For Halloween her girl dressed like a wolf, so she dressed like Red Riding Hood.

I'm thinking of stories for Snappy- she may be the main character of my first book.  Lucy aka "Snappy"

November is writing month

 November is nanowrimo and while I won't be writing a novel, I think I can commit to writing some blogs.


I'm already 7 days behind!

Here is today's bit.

This is how I make things:

I decided to make a cute knit gnome.  I made a white beard, red hat, and red body. There was only a little bit of beard yarn left, so I decided to use it up making more beards.  There was enough for two more beards, and a bit left for the trim of a blue hat.  So, now I had three beards, and two hats, and one body.  I made a white body but didn't like it with the blue hat, so I made a blue body.  Now I just needed a white hat.  But I slept before I started on that, so I forgot and made another white body instead.  At that point, I had three beards, two hats, and four bodies.  I had to get out some more fuzzy yarn to make the brim of two more hats and one more beard that I needed.  I made the beard, but then I found a beard that I had already made for a different gnome. The count was five beards, four bodies, and two hats. 

At this moment I need one body, and three hats and five noses.

I realized that none of this really displeases me. I like to have clusters of things in groups of 5 or 8.  Once I get my gaggle together I'll post a pic of the gang.

Thursday, June 10, 2021

I took it

 I took it.  I took the very old, nasty codeine cough syrup.  At first it was all good.  I took it, I started feeling kinda tired, but I had recently eaten, so I sat in my comfy chair and took a nappy-nap so cozy.  It was pleasant.  

So, imagine my surprise when I took it the second time and that time I got a terrible, horrible, no good-very bad stomach ache!  ALL DAY! I could only drink water and broth ... but I thought maybe that was just because I didn't eat before I took it- so that night I thought I was being smart- I ate a little bit of (very bland) dinner- then took it before I went to bed. Ah- sleepy-sleep time-no coughing, no coughing, just quietly snoozing through the night ... 

I started to feel drowsy- I took myself to bed.  I laid there- and laid there- and I heard a sound, "What's that? Is that a normal sound?  Did someone open the door?! Has that light always been on? Did I brush my teeth?  AHHH! What's that?  Oh- it's my pillow.  My heart is racing- I feel really hot.  I should asleep by now- why do I feel so nervous?  What if I forget to breathe? (I am pleased to notice there is no coughing.)  I wonder why they put codeine in cough syrup.  It's a narcotic- I think the codeine is making me crazy! I'm so HOT and AWAKE! I have to look up the side effects of codeine cough syrup NOW!"

SIDE EFFECTS:

  • noisy breathing,
  • sighing,
  • shallow breathing,
  • breathing that stops during sleep
  • WAIT- what?
  • agitation,
  • hallucinations,
  • fever,
  • sweating,
  • fast heart rate,
"When codeine is used to reduce coughing, it works by decreasing the activity in the part of the brain that causes coughing."

Ahh- it is messing with my brain!  WHY DID I TAKE THIS?

Soo- I've been coughing a lot today ...

Tuesday, June 08, 2021

The answer is YES

 Last week my little one was sick all week.  It started with a warning from the daycare.  On Thursday, they said, "We had a stomach bug going around today- we had to send several kids home." I didn't take her to school on Friday, I figured one less day of exposure was better.  However, I was too late.  Later in the day she developed a fever, she vomited a few times, and then she said she felt, "much better."  She had a fever on Saturday, but she seemed to be fine on Sunday.  On Sunday night she spiked a high fever and seemed to be pretty miserable.  She started coughing and developing a lot of mucus.  She was cranky, and tired, and didn't want to eat anything- she would only drink apple juice.  It was like that until Thursday night.  I kept her home on Friday for good measure- she seemed good on the weekend, so I sent her back to daycare on Monday.  

It's hard to see your little one suffering- is there anything worse?  The answer is- yes.  It's worse when I have it!  Even though T is feeling much better, I am not.  I don't have fever, but I have crazy sinus pressure, one nostril is plugged up and the other one is dripping, and the cough is making my whole rib cage hurt.  I have a sore throat, and I've lost my voice.  

Back in the day, I would totally power through this- when you don't have health insurance, what else can you do?  Really, now that I do have health insurance, what can a Dr. visit do?  I have a cold,  a brutal cold to be sure.  I've been taking OTC cold meds, and as I was rummaging through the medicine cabinet I found some cough syrup.  Elder cough syrup.  Cough syrup with codeine.   

Here's the thing with codeine- for most people it causes drowsiness.  A dr. gave me a codeine cough syrup one time telling me that it would help me stop coughing in the night, and help me sleep through the night so I could start feeling better.  So, I took it just before bedtime, and much to my surprise, I found I was not tired at all, but instead I could do everything fast.  But I was sick, and it was late, so I didn't have anything to do but sit on the sofa and knit super fast.   Apparently, for some people, codeine does not cause drowsiness.


So, I found this elder codeine cough syrup in the cabinet- and I considered what move to make next.  Nothing else is working- so should I take the syrup of old and do everything quickly?  Or will it make me sleepy this time?  It is expired no doubt.  I *should* throw it away- but I'm going to take it and see what happens next. 


Wednesday, June 02, 2021

What is a Gable? (J/K I know.)

 

I just finished reading The House of Seven Gables.  I read it by accident when I was 12.  Someone told me I would like Anne of Green Gables, but by the time I got to the library I could only remember “Something about Gables.”  I don’t know how, maybe a chat with an elderly librarian, or maybe a shuffle through a card catalog (with actual cards), but somehow I went home with Nathaniel Hawthorne’s 1851 classic ‘romance.’ I could not figure out why anyone would recommend such a dreary book to a pre-teen.  What about 12-year-old-me had made them think I would like a 150+-year-old book about a grumpy old maid and her crazy brother?  Well- come to find out many years later about Anne of Green Gables- far more suitable to a 12-year-old girl.

Fun fact: Nathaniel Hawthorne added the ‘e’ to his name to try to disassociate himself from ancestor-Judge John Hawthorn of the Salem Witch trials.  Nathaniel Hawthorne was born in Salem, Massachusetts, and h his cousin lived in the Turner-Ingersol mansion, aka The House of Seven Gables.  When Hawthorne visited the house it has been reduced to only had 3 or 4 gables, but since his time the perfect number of gables have been restored to make it a financial success as a historic house.

About 3 years ago we went to Salam for a visit.  To be honest, I didn’t know The House of Seven Gables was a real house, nor that it was located in Salam until we showed up there.  It was like this:

Me: Oh! The House of Seven Gables is here.  We should go.

D: Why?

Me: It’s famous!  Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote a book about it.  I read it by accident.

D: How do you read a book by accident?

Me: It’s complicated.

D: Was it a good book?

Me: No, it was terrible.  I hated it, and I don’t remember anything about it.  We still need to go.

D: Okay …

We took a tour through the House of Seven Gables.  I could barely fit my giant pregnant belly through the secret passage. I spent the WHOLE tour saying, “Lailah, stop that!” “Lailah! don’t touch that!”  “Lailah, come back here!” “Lailah! Where are you?” “Lailah, put that down!”  At the end of the tour, Eowyn asked our tour guide when her baby was coming.  The obviously NOT pregnant guide looked mortified before I rushed to tell her my children thought this was her house and she had shown us a nursery, so they thought she was going to have a baby.  As everyone shuffled past us on the way out each person in our tour group said, “Bye, Lailah. “  “It was nice to meet you, Lailah.”  “Keep having fun, Lailah.”

I would like to go back to the House of Seven Gables, alone.

After reading The House of Seven Gables for a second time I find it to still be very dreary- but not as terrible as I thought.  Hawthorne labeled it as a ‘romance.’  I wonder if romance meant something different in 1851 than it means today. I’m not going to say it was 100% romance-free, but I can confidently say it is about 98.7% romance-free. 

I read it with a highlighter in hand. I marked all the words which I did not know the definition for.  I’ve taught plenty of reading classes, so I could guess a general meaning, but I found it interesting how many words I would have to look up to really know the meaning.

"She has opened the secret drawer of an escritoire."

"Some of the most recondite specimens of ornamental needlework"

"Then, also, the augury of ill-success, uttered from the sure wisdom of experience, fell upon her half-dead hope like a clod into a grave."

"For her old gentility was contumaciously squeamish at the sight of the copper coin."

"But recognizing that this pertinacious customer would not quit her on any other terms,"

"Which would ensure obeisance to her sterling gentility"

Those are some words before I reached page 50. 

There are also lots of interesting quotes.  Here are a few  many which I marked:

“But her heart never frowned.”  💗

“Life, within doors, has few pleasanter prospects than a neatly arranged and well-provisioned breakfast table.”

“Yet there were not tokens that his physical strength might not have sufficed for a free and determined gait.  It was the spirit of the man that could not walk.”

“It is often instructive to take the woman’s, the private and domestic, view of a public man; nor can anything be more curious than the vast discrepancy between portraits intended for engraving and the pencil sketches that pass from hand to hand behind the originals back.”

“But the worst of all-the hardest stroke of fate for Hepzibah to endure, and perhaps for Clifford too-was his invincible distaste for her appearance.” ☹

“There seemed no necessity for his having drawn breath at all; the world never wanted him; but, as he has breathed, it ought always to have been the balmiest of summer air.”

“The sick in mind, and perhaps, in body, are rendered more darkly and hopelessly so by the manifold reflection of their disease, mirrored back from all quarters in the deportment of those about them; they are compelled to inhale the poison of their own breath, in infinite repetition.”

“I’m one of those people who think that infinity is big enough for us all -and eternity long enough.”

“Doubtless, more than one New Englander- or, let him be of what country he might, it is as likely to be the case- passed by, and threw a look at the monkey, and went on, without imagining how nearly his own moral condition was here exemplified.”

“She was like a prayer, offered up in the homeliest beauty of one’s native tongue.”

“Since those days, no doubt, it has grown to be suspected that, in consequence of an unfortunate overdoing of a work praiseworthy in itself, the proceedings against the witches had proved for less acceptable to the Beneficent Father than to the very Arch Enemy whom they were intended to distress and utterly overwhelm.”

“I wish you would speak more plainly,” cried Phoebi, perplexed and displeased; and above all, that you  would feel more like a Christian and a human being!”

“In all her years of seclusion, she had never felt, as now, what it was to be alone.”

“But Hepzibah did not see that, just as there comes a warm sunbeam into every cottage window, so comes a love beam of God’s care and pity for every separate need.”

“… so heavy and lumpish that we can liken him to nothing better than a defunct nightmare, which has perished in the midst of its wickedness, and left its flabby corpse on the breast of the tormented one, to be gotten rid of as it might!”

“He had a winged nature; she was rather of the vegetable kind, and could hardly be kept long alive, if drawn up by the roots.”

“The past is but a course and sensual prophecy of the present and the future.”

“Transition being so facile, what can by any man’s inducement to tarry in one spot?”

“Morbid influences, in a thousand-fold variety, gather about hearths, and pollute the life of households.”

“She was a praiseworthy woman enough, thinks the Judge, in spite of her nervousness, and the tears that she was so oozy with, and her foolish behavior about the coffee; and as she took her departure so seasonably, he will not grudge the second tombstone.” 

“If you were to speak to a young man as you do to an old one, his chance of keeping his heart another minute would not be worth one of the buttons on my waistcoat!”