Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning. - Bill Gates

Wow- either Bill's a funny guy, or he's not as smart as we all thought.

I have a student who is really into Sherlock Holmes. The thing is she has a difficult time actually pronouncing Sherlock Holmes. Nobody can understand her when she starts talking about him. She's brought him up several times, but we are still always baffled as she trys to expain what she wants us to know. She gets so upset when we can't understand. I know in her language she is very articulate.

Sometimes I know how she feels- I want to be articulate and understood, but sometimes it's Sherlock Holmes for me too.

I saw this book called "Knitted Babes." The dolls on the cover were severely ugly. They looked like tiny spaghetti-legged zombies with cute clothes. I thought about it for a while- would I make one? What would I do with it if I did? Could I make them look cuter than the ones on the cover? Why are those painfully thin babies appealing to me at all? Well I don’t know, I was going to put it back when the whole gay episode distracted me. I decided to get it and get out of there.

So I got home and I looked in my stash for some flesh colored yarn- the first I came to was light brown- well that’s fine, that’s what color most people in the world are anyway. I made up the bits. Then I looked online to see if anyone else had made one and posted a picture- maybe they had made a cuter one. I found a page full of the little knitted monstrosities. They were all ugly- some of them must have been beaten with an ugly stick. Or as my grandmother used to say, “They fell from the top of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”

That makes me laugh. HA!

I saw one cute one, her name was “Alice full of Malice.” I saw someone had made an alien doll- he was pretty cute too. It didn’t inspire me to put the bits together quite yet.

http://knittedbabes.blogspot.com/

I decided she would certainly look better with clothes, so I should have some clothes ready for her once I put her together. I made her a little ballet leotard. But I used a fatter yarn, so the leotard was too big, so now I’ve started another brown doll, with a different yarn, to fit the clothes which were too big to fit the first doll.

Yes, I’ve always known my logic and sequence were off. Why not make clothes to fit the doll I already made? Don’t know. I also started making an alien doll. I should have quite a little collection of ugly dolls one day. Watch out you might get one!

In my class a few weeks agao we were reading a short story about a girl who had moved from some tropical island to New York City in January. Quite a shock for that girl. In the story she talks about how she got up in the morning and although it had been cold the night before, she saw the sun was out so she figured it must be warm out. She put on a "gay summer dress." She was shocked when she learned that it was possible for it to be cold and the sun be out at the same time.

(Geeze-Louise-Can it be cold and the sun shining brightly!)

So my students all looked at me like something was amiss. Then one of them said, "Why is her dress gay?"
I said,"It doen't mean homosexual, it means bright and happy."
Student: "Why do we call gay people gay?"
Before I could say anything another student said, "Guurl! You know! It's because they're so HAPPY!" in a very stereo-typical, limp wristed kind of way.
The first student said, "OH!" (this really made sense to her)"That IS why!"
I said, "Ok, yes, that is why."

That started the "gay-week" at UD ELP. Everybody in my class was gay. They walked around telling the other students they were gay- which really didn't always have the effect they wanted. My students are the highest level so they knew what one definitions of gay was, the other students didn't know what "gay" meant one way or the other.

Oh they thought they were funny.

That weekend I was in the bookstore looking at a book about knitting ugly baby dolls. More on that later, but as I was sitting there I saw two sisters walk by, a teenager and a 9 or 10 year old. The teen said to her sister, "You are so gay!" The pre-teen said, "No I'm not!- wait, what does gay mean?"
The big sister said, "It means you like boys!" I don't know what that explanation was about- maybe she didn't want to get into gritty details . . .
The little sister said, "Oh, ok- then I AM gay! Hey everyone!" (shouting) "I'm gay! But at least I'm not lesbian!" I couldn't see them anymore, but whatever reaction the big sister had must have fueled the excitment of the little sister who then spent the next 10 minutes telling everyone in the store that she was gay and asking if they were gay too. It was funny for about 5 minutes, after that I wanted to strangle both of them.

On Monday I told my students about it and they thought that was one of the funniest things the'd every heard.

Many guys seem to be looking for a woman who, if she exists, was snatched up as a precious resource long ago. Slender, toned and curvy- to be honest; if she is one, she is probably not the other. Most likely she will either be slender and toned, OR curvy. You know that, right? Guys want her to be into sports; watching, playing- watching him playing . . . They think a picture of him with a bunch of Hooter girls will make all the rest of us envy his position in the universe. Not so.

I am a woman. I like things women like, I do things women do. As unique as we each are- I’m ready to admit that men are men and women are women, I like it that way. Call me old fashioned.

I like romantic comedies. I smell the flowers each time I pass by in the grocery store. I read fantasy novels, classic literature and once every few years I’ll read a romance or trashy novel just to make sure I still don’t like them. I could knit you a sweater, but I probably won’t. I’m bad at math and logic, but my common sense and perceptiveness are excellent. I like to use words with precise meanings. I grew up in PA. I’ve lived in the south for more than half my life, but I retain some basic tenets of my upbringing: “ten” and “tin” are pronounced completely differently, “oil” has two syllables “five” has one syllable, and you shouldn’t judge people because of what color they are, what religion they are or what their occupation is. I’ve picked up as much Southern etiquette as my Yankee brain can manage. I am eclectic. My dog knows seven tricks and will attempt to do them all simultaneously for the right treat, me too. I have a short attention span, but I am patient when I need to be. I am a Christian. I like the idea of Post modernity. I love to travel. I crack myself up- I want someone to make me laugh. I don’t eat meat, but it’s not because of animal rights. I think we need to work on human rights before we spend too much energy on animal rights. I read my Bible regularly. I know how to say, “Go away fat cow.” in Norwegian. I know how to say, “There’s a fish on my head” in French. I’m bad at learning languages- but I like to try. I’m bad at drawing, but I like to try. I drive a car which is older than my college-age students. I like it. I teach grammar- my grammar isn’t so great. My spelling is terrible. Sometimes I wonder, “What would Jesus do?” But then I don’t think he would do what most other people think he would do. I’m a Virgo, and I think that if God could create the Universe- he could also tell us a little about ourselves as he was writing out the plans in the stars. I collect turtles, not live ones. I listen to all kids of music. I have a great desire to see Niagara Falls. I love the Lord of the Rings books and movies. I play WoW. If I were reading this I would have already stopped- see short attention span above. To conclude, I am not toned or slender- curvy yes- large curves. I have a waist and easily identifiable breeder hips and breasts. I would say “full figured” but that seems to be a euphemism for morbidly obese. Let’s say Rubenesque. I’m looking for a man who is a Christian all the time, not just on Sundays.

"And the king kissed Absalom." 2 Samual 14:33

Let us have the courage to forgive one another, even when it seems a dangerous thing to do.

I don't know how I ever survived in Pennsylvania. I was just outside in the Texas snow for about 5 minutes and I nearly died! Not really, but it was freakishly cold for March in Texas, and it is snowing, and my back did spasim and tighten up like surely death was upon me.

Notice my sad little dented up car.

Cooties

I was infected before I got my shot, now I have to live with it daily.