may be my spirit animal

My study in hippos is not improving my ability to produce a hippo.  This one looks like a pig. The other one looks like a tired dinosaur.  

 Some facts about hippos:                                 

 1.  Scientists used to think that hippos were related to pigs.  Now they think that hippos are related to whales.     

      

 2.  Hippos are the heaviest land animals, or perhaps the third largest.  Depends on who you ask.   

 3. Hippos are quite dangerous and over 500 deaths a year are attributed to them. Sharks kill about 10 people per year, and champagne corks kill about 25 people per year.  Hippos with champagne corks kill about 525 people per year.      

                                             

4. Hippos can't swim, or breathe underwater.  The latter makes sense since they are mammals, but they can hold their breath for five minutes.  Which, to be honest, doesn't seem like enough time for an aquatic animal. 

5. Hippos nap underwater, but every five minutes they have to go to the surface to breathe- but they do it while sleeping.  They have some automatic reflex that allows them to float to the top and sink to the bottom while sleeping.  That sounds untrue- but I'm assuming the internet wouldn't lie to me about hippos.

6. Hipps are mainly herbivores but sometimes they eat people, and, lions, and gazels ... because they CAN.  

7. (the perfect number- to stop this nonsense-) A group of hippos is called a pod, a siege, a thunder, a sea, a herd, or according to the BBC a bloat. We should all believe the BBC- right? 

 I need to know more about hippos.    I now know more about hippos.  I'm going to give my Hippo representation a few more tries.  I know I can do better than this.

Bible verse diagraming or mapping

 This is called Bible verse diagraming or mapping. I just learned about it.  This style is called “The James Method.” You can buy digital or paper notebook templates at The James Method, or you can be cheap like me and make your own template in your notebook that you already carry around all the time anyway.

It took longer than I expected- and I tried to keep it pretty basic.  This one took me about an hour.  I used a  Bible app on my iPad, and online dictionary and Google to complete it-as well as a notebook, pen, and highlighters- obviously.

It was a good exercise-I think I will continue on with it.  This verse was the verse of the day from the Bible app- and I used the first version that popped up as my main verse.  I chose the other versions NASB and KJV because NASB is close to word-for-word and KJV is classic right?  I suppose if I had more room and ambition I would have also used NIV.  The main verse is in “EASY English Version.”  I think it is intended for English learners.  

prove me wrong

 I am currently teaching high school English.  As such figures of speech keep popping up.  The English class I teach happens to be for speakers of languages other than English.  Mostly Spanish- my French study has not come in handy so far. I was (trying) to explain denotation, connotation, and collocation just the other day.  

Some linguist I know threw out the phrase "collocation clash" today.  I've never heard of it.  He said it was like an oxymoron- when two contradictory words or ideas are put together like 'jumbo shrimp' or 'humblebrag.'

Then I thought to myself- 'Self- why would there be another word for the same thing? Why not just call it an oxymoron-because let's face it it's fun to say 'oxymoron.''

So- I looked up collocation clash to find that it is not an oxymoron, but also not clearly defined- I  concluded that it is -instead words or ideas put together that native speakers generally don't put together.  My example was 'holy cow' is a collocation because we find those two words together and it is expected and ordinary.  If I said, 'holy heifer!' - as a native English speaker you would know the intention, but it's not a collocation, because we don't usually use those words together.  

Therefore- 'holy heifer' is a collocation clash- 'holy cow' is a collocation, and I tell you in 'loud whisper' that Collocation clashes are not oxymorons.

“So … we’re robbing the bank?”

 I had plans for the long weekend.  When I say plans- I mean not only plans to do, but also plans to NOT do.  I planned to try out my sewing machine after it had been in the shop for several weeks.  I planned to read a book I had picked up at school. I planned to pack up the Christmas decorations, because, yes- they are still up.  I planned to work on the MOUNTAIN of laundry growing mightily in the laundry room. I planned to sleep in, and to have lunch with a friend on Monday.  I planned NOT to do any major house work, Not to study, Not to waist time at the grocery store, Not to spend (a lot of) time on social media.

Things- of course- went off course.  I wasn’t feeling great on Friday.  I was tired, and I went to bed early. (No reading.) I slept in on Saturday (Yay!) then I got up with the plan to stop by an office which had advertised it was closing and giving away unwanted office supplies.  The contact had stated that I should bring a box, as there were lots of folders, files, binders, desk organizers, pens, pencils etc.  I still wasn’t feeling great, but I took my box and went to the office as planned.  I expected to spend not more than a few minutes picking up some supplies, then a short trip to the store- the doggies were HANGRY!- then back home to do and not do for the weekend.

When I got the office it was a suite on one of the upper floors of a Chase bank.  I had to walk through the bank lobby to get to the elevators.  When I got to the suite I was looking for the contact introduced herself and said, “Anything you see that is not labeled ‘Rik’ is available. Do you want any cubicles?  How about this executive conference table? Any need for these dozen filing cabinets?”

 I said, “I just came for pencils and desk organizers.” 

 She said, “Oh! We have that too!” As we walked through the suite she pointed out all the things that were up for grabs, monitors, extension cords, network cords, chairs, desks, shelves, cabinets, tables . . .

Although I knew it I would regret it, I called my husband.  He has a passion for cords and power strips.  I saw some computer equipment I thought me might be interested in- admittedly - I thought I would like some man power to pack a few shelves into the van.  Not that I needed shelves, but some of their shelves were nicer than my current shelves so I thought a trade out would be nice.

D came up and we spent the next THREE AND A HALF HOURS pillaging the suite.  He brought Lailah and Tamzin with him, and they had a grand time playing with the phones, spinning on the office chairs, rummaging around in mostly empty cubicles and desks, and collecting “awesome things” like old birthday decorations and left-behind mugs.  D collected many boxes of cords, cables, backup power supplies, a monitor and a few unidentified objects which “looked useful.”

We ended up with 5 chairs, 4 tables, 5 shelves, boxes of cords, desk supplies, binders, folders, decorations, and two punch bowls with 6 cups and a Dallas Police Department mug. 

By the time we were done the bank had closed, and the doors were locked.  We could go out, but we wouldn’t be able to get back in-so we piled everything in the lobby, then moved it from the lobby to the van all at once.  The girls were getting restless as D jigsawed everything into the van, and they started to get a little wild- running around and touching everything.  I told them they couldn’t touch other people’s things or run around  breaking things like wild people.  They asked, “Why not?”  I explained that this was a bank, but it was closed, but we had to respect other people’s property because they were going to come back to work on Tuesday and wonder who broke or moved their stuff.  

That’s when Lailah started logic-ing.  She said, “So- this is a bank?”

I said, “Yes.”

Lailah: “And it’s closed, but we’re in it?”

Me: “Yeah”

Lailah: “And we can’t move stuff around or break it because we don’t want people to know we were here.”

Me: “Well, yeah I guess so”. 

Lailah: “And we are taking all this stuff we got from here home?”

Me: “Yes.”

Lailah: “So- we’re robbing the bank?!”

Me: “NO! We are NOT ROBBING THE BANK!!! Do NOT go to school next week and tell your friends and teachers that you robbed a bank over the weekend!”

Lailah: “But why are we being quiet and taking all this stuff out of the bank?”

Me: “Okay, we are in the bank now, but when we were upstairs it was a different business, and they GAVE us all this stuff because they don’t want it any more.  We just are in the bank now because this is how you get out of the building!”

Lailah: “Are you sure?”

Me: “YES! I’m SURE we are NOT ROBBING the bank, okay?”

Lailah: “Yeah-okay.”

Tamzin: “I like robbing the bank!”

Me: “Oh my gosh- I’m going to get calls about this . . .”

In the end- we spent all afternoon/evening Saturday “robbing the bank” and unloading the loot, and going to the store for the dogs, all day/evening Sunday at Gene’s birthday celebration, and I spend most of the afternoon on Monday chatting, lunching, and shopping with a friend.  I still wasn’t feeling great- so I rested on Monday evening- read, watched a movie, looked at the giant pile of laundry and then went on about NOT folding it.

It was not a bad weekend- just not the one I planned/planned not.

Don’t be jelly of my clipboard.

 I did substitute teacher training.  It told me that if I walk around with a clipboard I will look official and it will inspire students to regard me with authority.  

I thought that was the silliest thing I had read in a long while.

But- one day I decided to use a clipboard to keep track of the attendance paper- as one day it got lost in a shuffle of other papers.  

As I walked around the room with my clipboard- I felt like I was inspiring students to regard me with authority- no not really.

I did, however, feel pretty official. 

Yeah! Of course I know what I’m doing, I have a Clipboard!