day 21 be nice

Last night I had one of those dreams that keeps you thinking about it all day.  

       I’ve had all kinds of dreams that do this to me.  I’ve had prophetic dreams, dreams which contained people, places or things which symbolized issues and concerns I was facing and dreams like this.  They are dreams from which I wake up with a realization.  I know the realization will be something that I’ll need to ponder- really consider carefully- and possibly take action on.

Last night I dreamed many things- a jumble of places and faces- but one part of the dream has had me thinking.  I dreamed of an old friend.  It is a repeat version of a dream I’ve had several times before. I dreamed that quite by accident I ran into a friend from many years ago.

Now, there are friends you have for many years- whom you love. There are friends who come and go- whom you have loved. Then, no matter how brief the time you spend together, or no matter how long you’ve been apart, there are friends whom you have loved and love- dearly.  It’s an indefinite love- you can’t put your finger on what it was that bound you together in the first place.  It’s improbable. It’s a friendship that was and is and is to come- Seeing this friend in my dreams is a glimpse of heaven- since that is the next place I expect to see him.

In the dream I was walking into a building; he was walking out. He was looking down, so I saw him first.  I stepped into his path and when he looked up I knew he recognized me. I was pleased in the dream because it’s been a really long time. What my dream-self did not register was the look of social panic he expressed, the awkwardness of his greeting, the unstated desire to be anywhere but standing in front of me.

That was it.

I woke up and my conscious brain began to understand what my unconscious brain was trying to tell me.

It was a process- When I first woke up I thought as I have in the past, ‘Well, it was nice to see him again.’

As I thought about it later in the morning-  I realized that he had been trying to avoid me.  I didn’t really like that idea.  I was still thinking about it halfway through the day when I realized that all my dreams that included him were similar, and one of those similarities was that he was trying to avoid me. In the past that had not really bothered me, but today I found myself greatly affected by the idea.

Here I am- all offended  by my unconscious brain’s imagined meeting with a representation of a dude who is just out there somewhere, minding his own business, busy with his own life, and not worried about people he hasn't seen in a million years - neither is he concerned for how my feelings were hurt by what never happed- or that  I was blaming him for it all day.

So now I’m all down about being avoided, and I remember something he used to say.

I would say, “See you tomorrow.”

He would cheerfully say, “Not if I see you first!” and flash a dazzling smile.

Well- there are some people who say things like that and flash a smile- and you know they are kidding.

There are other people who say things like that and you wonder if you have miscalculated the true nature of the relationship.

I had always assumed he was the first kind of person, but now I was beginning to wonder …

Finally, on my way home from work- I began to understand the dream(s); my feelings, and more about life and God in general.

I believe God was showing me what most people feel when they are avoided. Why would God need to show me that? Well probably because I avoid most people a lot of the time.  I also rarely mind being avoided- since if someone else is going to the trouble of avoiding me, it means I don’t need to go to the trouble of avoiding them.  I’m what normal humans call anti-social.  I think it runs in the family.  The struggle is real for extreme introverts. It’s probably the only thing I’m extreme about.  I know many people would say that doesn’t describe me at all.  That’s because I’ve used all my social energies interacting with them (usually at work) so the rest of the time I’m all, “Go away—forever, but not really because I love you. But still-- go away-- for now.”

The take away is this:

I should, (must) make an effort to stop avoiding people. It may make them feel sad, unsure of themselves and relationships in general. So- you know-

Be Nice.

That’s it.

It’s not always deep and dark.  Sometimes it is easy and it just takes a while to get through to my silly brain.

It was and is and is still to come on the other side- I hope that is still true for you.  I truly have all the best wishes and feelings for you- I'm over my bad imaginary situations feelings.  :)
Philos, friend.