day 20- facebook memories

 I stole this from my own facebook-
In academic circles it is self-plagiarism- how stupid ... but not getting into that- 
THIS

Shannon Dawn Burnham

August 9, 2018 · 

Last Christmas

Me: Girls, go find that pumpkin you took upstairs.
Girls : What pumpkin?
Me: The one we had to buy at Thanksgiving because I cooked the Halloween one.

They look at me like I'm crazy. Like they weren't the ones who took the pumpkin upstairs and slept with it like it was a stuffed animal. Like they weren't the ones who had taken all the decorative pumpkins and gourds to make a pumpkin family. They look at me like I'm asking them to recite the names of all the people who drown when the Titanic sank.

Me: Girls, I have all the pumpkins and gourds except one. Now go find it before it gets moldy and ruins your stuff.

They go off to their impossible task.
They come back.

Girls : It's not there.

Daniel goes up with them makes them look through every box and bin.
They all say it's not there.
While cleaning my office today I found the pumpkin.

I FOUND THE PUMPKIN!
Grossly mysterious.

day 19 baby cat

Each girl has had an animal name.  From the time they were little babies, it was just a nickname that I called them.
The first one was a baby monkey- her bright eyes and expressive face said "monkey" to me.
The second one was a baby bird- (an angry bird) she was always squawking at me for more food.
The third one is a baby cat- she is excellent at both adoring you and ignoring you. She will curl up next to you with all the love, and she'll knock things off the table just to see what will happen next.

The baby cat has been sick for about a week- for about a week she has been my constant companion.  Whatever she's doing, she's doing it right next to me.  Eating, sleeping, crying, screaming, spitting out medication- by my side all the way.  She will sometimes allow her father to take over- but then back to me.

Since she's been sick, her sleep schedule has been way off- but today she woke up at a normal time, and she was ready for a nap at a normal time- the problem was I wasn't quite ready- so she wandered off down the hall by herself.  I heard her in the bedroom, "Mama! Mama!"  By the time I got down the hall she had climbed in bed, tucked herself in, and gone to sleep.

She's feeling better, but still not 100%.

day 18 another time, jonny

It was another dream . . . a dream of an old friend.  A friend from another time- another century- a time when writing letters was a non-retro form of communication- a sweet time.

So- JonnyReb this is how we met again this morning.  We were at an event- in a way -an event for you.  You were leaving with a group for a medical mission. 

I was part of a support group. We saw each other and wanted to talk, but there were so many people, we didn't have the opportunity.  It's not that we couldn't talk in front of other people, what would we have to say except, "Long time!" "What have you been doing?" "It's good to see you!" and "Have I told you today that you're my friend?" It's been a long time sweet friend.

Finally, just before you left there was a moment for a smile and a hug, "Goodbye, good to see you."
"I've missed you, good luck." And through the exchange, we knew so much more about one another.  We knew so much had changed for each of us.  We were living different lives.  We were so different then- and now even more so. 

What did we have?

That's a sad realization for anyone at any time. 

But it wasn't as sad as it might have been.  Even in the dream, I knew- there's a season for everything.  Some seasons are long, some are short.  A short season of friendship is sweet.  A life long relationship is sweet.  The little one, who spent a miserable weekend with raging ear infections in both ears, still hot with fever, snuggled up next to me in the bed- she's sweet.  The losses and the gains, the wins and defeats, the ups and downs, and all the plateaus- work together to make one sweet life.  Sometimes bittersweet, sometimes hard to swallow- always what's mine and what I can make of it, regardless of what others decide to do, what judgments they make about me or what I do, even the mistakes I make- all together to make life

sweet.

day 17 dream a little dream

Every vacation day seems to have its own reasons to stay in bed a little longer- we got to bed late, my little one had a bad dream and couldn't get back to sleep, but this morning it was a dream that kept me in bed. 

I was dreaming about my little boy.  He was blue eyes and blonde hair.  His little round face smiled at me, he was about three years old and he was beautiful. 

In the dream, I could see him and I could touch him.  I was his mama, but he wasn't mine.  His eyes were bright and his cheeks were flushed- he had a fever.  I needed to hold him, but he wasn't mine.  I couldn't take him home. 

I wanted to give him a gift to keep him company in the place that wasn't home, not my home, not our home.  I wanted to give him a toy to hold, but I didn't know what to give him.  I didn't know what he liked. How can a mother not know what her son likes?  I had to ask his caretaker- a kind sympathetic man.  I had to ask, "Does my boy like trucks? dinosaurs? sharks? What does he like?  Why don't I know?  I should know!  I'm his mother.  I should know what he likes!"

The man said, "He will like what you give him.  He'll like anything you want to give him."

I woke up, but I closed my eyes again.  I needed to see him again.  I needed to give him something to hold- because I can't hold him.

I wish I could have held him- even in a little dream.