I was wandering around looking for a Persian restaurant, (someone had told me about it, I wasn’t just looking for some random Persian restaurant.) I didn’t find it, but I did find a cave-like structure on Airport Road and people were lining up to go into it and I thought- ‘I bet there’s something good in there.’ So I got in line too.

The security guy checked my bags (I’d been shopping, to console myself on not finding the Persian restaurant.) He determined that my children’s book and my stuffed turtle weren’t going to kill anyone, so he let me in.

I walked down the steps through the entrance of the fake cave-thing- big as you please; as though I knew exactly what I was doing and where I was going. I walked through a long hallway which very much reminded me of a subway station, but no tracks, no trains. I briefly wondered if there was going to be a way to get out, or if I’d be forced to take a train somewhere I didn’t want to go . . .

I came to a little man sitting at a little desk. He said, “One rupee.” So I gave him a rupee. Then the world opened up to a huge court yard with a GI-NORMOUS statue of (I didn’t know at the time, but now I do) Shiva, sitting lotus style. He was four stories high easy- sitting! There was water spurting out of his head.



I went through a turnstile and a lady said, “Shoes.” Actually, she said it in Hindi, but I don’t remember the word, so I said, “Oh, you want my shoes?” She said, “Yes, shoes.” (In English.) So I gave her my shoes, thinking at the time that I was glad I was wearing $2.00 flipflops.

I walked up the side of the courtyard taking note of the signs along the way. The more I read, the more they made me giggle. I went back to the beginning and took some pictures. When I got closer to Shiva, another little man at a little desk said, “Ten rupees.” So, not asking any stilly questions, I gave him ten rupees.

(see bucket for sign photos)

He pointed to another “cave” entrance. He said, “No pictures.” I put my camera away with great regret; I just knew I was going to encounter something fantastic in that fake cave.

I was not disappointed.

If you’ve ever been to Disney World and gone on the “Small World” ride, you will have some small clue as to what I’m about to describe. There were all these miniture scenes of locations of where holy “lings” could be found, and descriptions of their power and greatness. The scenes were all animated in some bizarre and/or disturbing way.

There were gods ascending and descending near the first ling, sometimes they got stuck half way to heaven. There was this crazy-haired-crusty-eyed ‘guru’ in the corner chanting and blinking and trying to raise his hands in a creepy animatronic-jerky representation of something holy.

There were bells chiming around the bend, but as I proceeded I was so taken with the lings and my realization that they were all phallic symbols to find out what that was all about. There were more animatronic gurus blinking and moaning in the shadows. There was an ice ling from the Himalayas. The sign invited me to touch it for good luck. I decided against it.

I am not willing to touch a frozen penis for good luck. You can quote me on that.

They rightly saved the best for last. At the last display was a story about a ling that had brought a dead cow to life. There was a freaking taxidermied cow head in the display mooing and rising and falling rhythmically. It even had blood on it!

I didn’t know what it all meant, but as I left I found myself in a temple market. I bought a little glass turtle with a ling on his back. The guy told me it was “good luck.” It seems pretty much anything with a penis in India can potentially be good luck. No wonder they have a population problem!

If anyone wants a lucky ling- I’m willing to go back for more. Just let me know.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lingam

PS The water from his head is the symbolization of the beginning of some important river.