I don’t like church.
I think I used to like it, but it seems these past few years there’s something – something that isn’t right. I’ve been thinking it’s just me. Something about me isn’t right so church feels fake. I still want to worship God, I still love Jesus, but I don’t want to go to church. I don’t want to “fellowship” because I feel like there is nobody there like me.

Maybe there are somebodys like me, but I’m not sure how I am, so would I even recognize them if I saw them?

I went to church tonight. I gave up trying to be good and took my knitting with me. If I don’t have something to occupy me while I’m listening, I start picking apart the sermon on theological and grammar points. Maybe I should declare myself ‘postmodern’ and tell people I knit to stop myself from deconstructing. :o)

While I was there I started wondering how a person can go about showing that she loves God. I thought of some women I know who love God and they show it lots of ways- but in the process they have taken themselves out of the world. We are in the world not of it, but they are barely here they might as well be in a secluded convent, which for the most part seems to me to be the opposite of the Great Commission. “Go out into all the world and hole up so people can admire your virtue.” Not exactly.