Dorian Milam, of Bellville TX, I know you aren’t reading this, but I’m writing it to you, because I liked you, and you made me laugh.

The first time I met Dorian he was snickering and agreeing with Sam on some matter known only to themselves. The first thing Dorian said to me, after finding out I grew up in PA, was “You’re a Yankee!?” This he said with true shock and a hint of disapproval, I thought he was kidding.

Dorian informed me quickly that it there was never a “Civil War” a civil war indicates that one country was fighting against it’s self. The Southern states had declared themselves independent; therefore it should more rightly be called “The War Between the States.” I told him winners get to decide what a war is called. He was disgusted at my lack of interest in that major historical turning point in the lives of all Americans.

Dorian had strong opinions. He declared he loved Olivia Newton John and hated Abraham Lincoln. I thought he was more than a little eccentric.

Denise, our supervisor, thought of Dorian as a problem. Dorian was a problem, Anna was a problem, Sam and Brian were somewhat difficult, Misty quit and David, well he was a mystery, which only left Grant and I to work through the list in our weekly partner exchange.

I lived with Anna, so we didn’t work together; I suppose Denise felt I’d been through enough. Anna refused to work with Dorian or Sam, and after a short trial it was determined that she should also not be paired with Brian. Denise wouldn’t let Dorian and Sam work together fearing they would never get anything done, Sam and Brian were a bad mix, and David gave side-long looks at Sam, Dorian, Anna and me as if wondering what exactly we were doing there. Grant was mostly busy keeping up with Anna. I worked one week with each team member, (except Grant), and the rest of the summer I was with Dorian.

Dorian was a handsome young brown eyed man with a slow south Texas drawl. Everyday he wore rolled up blue jeans, and a white pocketed T-shirt. He kept his cigarettes in that pocket. More than one person had pulled me aside early in the summer to warn me about Dorian and his Southern charm with the girls. “He’s not serious you know, he’s just a flirt. Don’t believe how he acts and what he says, if you do he’ll break your heart.”

Dorian, you didn’t break my heart, but you did “hurt my feelers.” I was disappointed, and if I saw you today I’d say, “Dorian, I’m still disappointed.” But I would forgive you for a song. Bob Dylan? Tina Turner?

I thought Dorian was funny, and when I told him I’d been warned about him, he thought that was funny too. After that he did his best to ensure that everyone on our team was convinced that he was working diligently on his seduction of me. If I was sitting on the couch, he would sit next to me. If I was sitting on the couch and someone else was sitting next to me he would politely ask that person to move so he could sit next to me. If we were standing in a room talking about our work for the next day and someone walked by he would grab my hand or kiss my cheek as soon as that person looked our way. If I said I was going to the library, he said he was going to the library too. He would go to the 6th floor and I would go to the basement. We wouldn’t see each other until closing time, but when we walked back to the house and he was holding my hand, everyone assumed what they would. It didn’t matter how much I denied it, they knew what they saw.

Every morning we would eat breakfast, and meet in the parking lot by 7:30. With the assembly of that week’s volunteers we would have a short devotion and pray that God would bless our work and keep up safe at the work sites. Every morning I would find Dorian and say, “Dorian, did I tell you today that you’re my friend?”
He would say, “No.”
I would say, “Well, you are.”
He would say. “Okay.”
And that began our day.
Sometimes I asked him two or three times a day; always with the same responses. I suppose you can’t hear you have a friend too often.

One day I got up late, missed breakfast, and had to run some errands before we left for the work sites. I forgot to talk to Dorian at devotions. We were working together than day, but he seemed to be avoiding me. I though he was thinking about important things, so I left him to himself. We went home, got cleaned up, ate dinner and had our night devotions. On our way back to the office late that night I said, “Dorian, did I tell you today that you’re my friend?” He said, “NO! and I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong all day! Why didn’t you tell me?”
I confessed that I had only forgotten, than I thought he was avoiding me, so I didn’t do it at work, and I had just remembered again. He said he was avoiding me because he thought I was mad at him and he didn’t want to make it worse.
I said, “Well, you are.”
He said, with a great sigh of relief, “Okay.”
That ended our day, but I didn’t forget again.

I went to church with Dorian one Sunday. It was quite a large church and he told me to wait for him while he went to the restroom. While he was in there Abraham Lincoln walked by (full dress, top hat, beard and all.) When Dorian came out I said, “Uh, Abraham Lincoln just walked by.” Dorian said, “Yeah, I hate it when he comes here.” As if that explained everything.

At the end of the summer Dorian gave Sam a dollar. I asked what that was all about, but Dorian said it wasn’t important. Sam snickered.
I said, “What!?”
Dorian said, “Fine! We made a bet before you came on what you would look like, and we decided when we saw you that I won. But we changed our minds, so I gave the dollar back.”
Of course I had to ask, “What did you bet?”
Dorian had bet Sam that I wouldn’t be pretty. And Dorian said, “And I would have been able to keep that dollar if it weren’t for that dang black dress you wore on Sunday!”

I hoped it was more than the dress that changed their minds.

Sam had said, “No matter what a girl looks like, she looks ten times better in the kitchen.” Maybe he saw me in the black dress in the kitchen.

I hoped it was more than that too, I always hoped they saw something inside.

Dorian, I saw you inside, I think I did. You were pretty too. I hope you still are.