Sometimes I find myself doing something, and even while I am doing it, I am wondering
“why . . . what possesses me to do such things as this?”

I was driving down Collins the other day, munching on French fries as I went, listening to Cake (the band) when I noticed an Arlington police officer behind me. I immediately checked my speed. I was actually under-speeding in a 35 zone. I was okay with that, what- with the fries and all.

When I got to the light, it was just turning yellow, so I stopped. (I got a ticket one time for going through a yellow light that happened to turn red while I was under it.) Well, I had every intention of turning right. I was in the turning lane, and the police officer was still behind me. When the light turned red, I couldn’t remember if I could turn right on red or not. It seems like it was illegal somewhere I had been. But I couldn’t remember where. I spent some time considering it, and came to the conclusion that I could turn right on red here in the great state of Texas, but inexplicably I was compelled to sit right there in the turning lane in all of my blue Buick glory with my turning signal on, not turning.

Now it was a LONG light. One of those ones where everyone gets their turn, people going straight, people turning left from the south, people turning right from the north, people turning this way from that direction an “obey your traffic signal only” kind of intersection, right there before you get on 30. It was the kind of intersection where anyone who wanted to turn right on red had every opportunity to do so.

Every once in a while I would eat another fry and look in my review mirror to see what the cop was doing. He seemed very patient at first, but after a while, at least a full minute of sitting there for no reason, he started getting fidgety, looking out the window, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, and I just sat there and looked at him like it was a movie in my mirror.

I was wondering about things like:
1. why am I still sitting here?! I’m already late for work!
2. does he have somewhere specific to go?
3. if its not illegal to turn right on red, is it not illegal to not turn right on red?
4. is he going to keep on following me now because I made him mad?
5. does he think I’m some old person driving this Buick?
6. he’s kinda cute.
7. these fries need more salt.
8. is this light ever going to change?
9. would I still be sitting here if it weren’t a cop behind me?
10. someday I’m going to . . . finally, he interrupted my thoughts when he turned on his siren for about a second.

I moved along, feeling somewhat defeated. I’m not sure why.