I went to go see a life size replica of the Tabernacle yesterday. It was a very odd and particular kind of thing . . . it didn’t really have the same look that had I imagined, although they had gone from the biblical descriptions. Of course, since the presentation was Christian, it was “How to find Jesus in the Tabernacle.” (I’m pretty sure at this point that going to see a Jewish reproduction of the Tabernacle would have been far more interesting.) I mean, I got the idea that if Jesus was lurking in the Tabernacle and I was looking for him, he could have just popped out of the Ark and said, “Ha! You would have never found me in there!” (You know that, “ye who look upon it shall die” thing would have deterred the search.)

Our oft tongue tied guide would point out a feature of the Tabernacle and ask this question, “What does that represent?” If you said, “Jesus” you were right nine out of ten times. If, however, you hit that rare occasion when the answer was other than “Jesus,” he would answer your mistake with a resolute and triumphant “NO!” (As in “HA-Ha! You fools! You know nothing- Nothing about this tabernacle or Jesus! I will now enlighten you!”)

First he told us where all the materials made to build the Tabernacle came from. “The linen came from Egypt; the ram skins came from New Zealand, the cloud came from Canada”. Let me repeat that. The Cloud, the “Glory of the LORD” came from . . . Canada. Fine.

Then he told us about the gate. “Does anyone know why the colors red, purple, white and blue were used?” “Jesus was a king (purple) who came from heaven (blue,) lived a perfect life (white) and shed his blood (red) for us.” (Or those are the most expensive/royal colors in the ancient world.)

“Does anyone know why the gate is thirty feet wide?” (He got me there, because I’m pretty sure the ancient Hebrews weren’t using the English\US measurement system.) The answer of course is that “Jesus’ earthly ministry began when he was 30 years old. OR maybe it was to be big enough that everyone could come to him through the door which is Him.” (So, even those double wide fat asses can come?)

“Please save your questions until after the tour. Thank you.”

The brazen alter had four horns. Why? “because Jesus had four horns?” No. The horns symbolize strength. “because the priests had to be really strong to get all those bulls up on top of that thing?” No, because when Abraham was going to sacrifice his son, there was a ram caught in a thicket by his horns. “But what does that have to do with . . .”
“Please hold your questions.”

The Table of Shewbread held twelve loaves of flat bread. “These loaves were pierced for quick baking. Just like Jesus was pierced.” (For quick baking?)

In conclusion, from this tour I learned that God is from Canada, Jesus’ favorite colors are red, blue, purple and white. Jesus thinks fat people are a-okay, but he did not have horns. He was a fan of the quick bake method.