Spring Break was Good. (Aside from the whole war thing of course.) I have many adventures to record. Mostly for mine own amusement—but then aren’t they all?

First there was my purchase of my second minor appliance in a month. A few weeks ago I bought a blender. And I am well pleased with my purchase—I’ve blended a few vegan smoothies and have been satisfied with the results. This week, I bought a vacuum! That may not seem like much, but when you have hair balls challenging your authority in your home, it’s a big decision.

I had been considering the investment for some time. For me, even buying minor appliances is a sign of commitment. Owning a blender and a vacuum says, “I plan to be here long enough to make these purchases worth while.” And let’s face it, a vacuum is a big step in a staying-girl’s future. Even a cheap vacuum costs at least $50, and I’ve seen them all the way to $2,000. (Kirby-bastards)

So, before making any hasty decisions, I went to the vacuum guru for guidance and wisdom. My guru, also known as “Brandon the repair man” was found at Mid Cities Vacuum Sales and Repair. He endeavored to sell me a $500 vacuum. Obviously, that didn’t happen for him, but in the process he told me all about what to look for and what to avoid in vacuum sales. Here are some hints, in case you need to know for the future: (Which I will present in the style of Psalm 1 for no particular reason at all)

Blessed is the consumer who does not purchase in the brand name of Hoover
Or invest in the style of the bagless upright
Or undertake to suck dirt through a hepa filter.
But her delight is in the brushroll which is not plastic.
And from this brushroll she cleans the entwined hairs monthly.
Her carpet will be one in which hairballs will not multiply,
which may be walked upon by the barest of feet.

But not so the bagless upright, when the dirt gets sucked into the motor,
Or the hepa filter which were not designed for high air velocities or
voluminous amounts of dirt.
Forasmuch as the plastic brushroller shall overheat and melt, or shall break under the
strain of overmuch cleaning.
For the LORD watches over the careful consumer who researches her purchases.
But the careless shall perish and their hairballs with them.

So I went to Target and bought a wooden-rollerbrush-laden-bag-using-non-hepa-filter-mint-green Dirt Devil. To which my room mate commented, “I can’t believe you brought a demon into our house.” (I think she's been watching too much Buffy) To which I was oh-so-tempted to reply “Yes, indeed I have brought one in that sucks and blows.” However, as my demon only sucks, and does not blow at all (that I know of ) I did not voice my comment.