A letter to Who ever is in charge of the Texas State Fair--

To Whom it May Concern:
I am writing concerning my recent visit to the Texas State Fair. As I was a first time visitor, I was very impressed with the wide variety of shows, events, displays, rides and games. Admittedly, I was somewhat skeptical of the $11.00 price tag for the entrance price, but I
feel after walking around for 7 and a half hours, I got my money’s worth (although I can’t say the same for the $7.00 parking, that was just a racket.)

As I said, I enjoyed the fair, however, I do have a few suggestions to make the event even more enjoyable for next year. First of all, it is generally believed that ‘Big Tex’ is of the homosexual persuasion. I can neither confirm nor deny this belief, being as Tex and I conversed only briefly. (I have my suspicions-- ‘straight’ cowboys don’t really tuck their jeans into their boots-- you know what I’m saying?) However, I believe a statement should be made concerning his orientation. If he is in fact gay, I am sure it would encourage the homosexual constituency of Dallas to rally around Big Tex and support his decision by sponsoring colorful and entertaining ‘alternative’ events within all the fair categories. For example, my friend has an idea for a new ride called ‘AssseX.’ I’m sure it would be a big thrill for everyone! If he’s not gay-- I know the Southern Baptist Convention will continue to stand by Big Tex.

The second suggestion I’d like to make if for more Nigerian Pygmy goat shows--honestly those pygmy goats were simply fascinating. Thirdly, (also concerning goats in a manner of thinking) I believe you could engage more of our Muslim brothers and sisters in the livestock competitions and shows if you changed the name of the “Swine Barn” to “The Goats of the West House.” I find it an all together more apealing name for easterners and westerners alike.

My fourth suggestions concerns the “Spirit of the Dance” show. My friend and I recommend more Cowboys, more Patty-Cake and more black lights. Maybe Cowboys Patty-Caking in black light? It’s just a thought. Maybe a dancing fetus and a giant uterus would add a little pizzazz to the show as well. Stop the singing-stop the madness!

Finally I’d like to address the issue of the scantily clad puppets I saw at the “World on a String” show. Assuredly I did NOT expect to be confronted by mostly naked puppets at the onset of the production. Let me assure you I was both shocked and appalled by the display. I’m sure it should have had a PG. rating on the front curtain.

Thank you so much for you time-- I know you will consider these suggestions for an even better Texas State Fair 2003.
Sincerely,
SD Peterson
PS-- What happened to the Cajun Sticks?