There are some names, which even as an adolescent, I thought sounded flagitious. Just kidding. I only learned that word today, and truthfully, it is not exactly the word that I want to use. Flagitious means criminal or villainous. It is a synonym for nefarious. I want a word that means, "Your name sounds like your mom expected you to grow up to be a pole dancer." I found the words "unchaste" and "licentious" but those are about sexually driven behaviors. I mean- maybe a pole dancer is unchaste and licentious, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt. (Are there male pole dancers?!)
In my search for the best word to start this blog, I found a phrase- "not cricket." The definition is "something contrary to traditional standards of fairness or rectitude." So then I had to look up rectitude. That means "morally correct behavior or thinking; righteousness". So- now we are getting somewhere in this story-
I begin:
Yesterday a memory about Chrystal from 7th grade came into my head. Thinking about Chrystal made me think about Desiree, which made me think about Amber. These are all girls I knew in 7th grade. All girls who I thought, because of their names (only) were " not cricket." It's terrible to judge people based on their names alone- they didn't even choose their names- but the fact was I was a pretty judge-y kid.
I was also "not cricket" in the ways that I treated Chrystal. Poor soul. Sorry Chrystal, wherever you are.
One day my friend and I were in the locker room talking about our mothers' ages. Who knows why? I was 12, so I said, "My mom is 39. My friend said, "My mom is 37." Chystal, who was not involved in the conversation chimed in and said, "Your moms are so old!"
I said, "What? No, they're not! Those are normal ages for moms!" (like moms have normal ages)
She said, "My mother is 28."
I said, "That's not true, do you mean your mom was 28 when you were born?"
She said, "No, she's 28 right now."
I said, "Your mom's 28, and you're 12?"
"Yeah."
"So, your mom was 16 when you were born?"
"Yeah."
"Wow."
She goes on, "My grandmother is 44."
Me: "Are you sure?"
Her: "Yeah!"
Me: "You probably shouldn't tell people that."
Her: "Why not?"
Me: "Because it's a pattern."
Her: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "Your mom had you when she was 16."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Your grandmother had your mom when she was 15."
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Are you going to have a baby when you are 15 too?"
Her: "Of course not. I'm going to college."
And here's where things go off the rails.
Me: "No, you're not."
Her: "Yes, I am. I have a plan."
Me: "They won't let you in college if you get caught fighting in school."
Her: "I never fight in school!"
Me: "You just fought with me."
Her: "No, I didn't."
I look at my friend, "Did you just see her start a fight with me?"
My friend: "Yeah."
Me: "See?"
Her: "You can't do that! You'll get in trouble for fighting too!"
Me: "So what, I'm not going to college."
She starts crying, "I want to go to college! I can't go to college if I get in trouble for fighting! Don't fight with me!"
I felt bad. I say, "Crystal, I'm just kidding. I'm not going to fight you. Anyway, you can still go to college even if you do get in trouble for fighting. We are in 7th grade!"
She's all hysterical now, "No! If I get a bad report on my school record I can never go to college!"
I say, "Chrystal, calm down- everything is fine- let's go. I'm not going to fight you."
Every day after that Chrystal looked at me like a scared rabbit. Like I was the ruination of the dreams of generations.
If she was annoying me I'd hold up my fist and she'd leave.
I bet she was super happy when I moved away at the end of 7th grade.
