I was in my office when I heard the 4-year-old scream like the end was upon her. So I got my fat butt up to investigate. She was standing in the door of the master bedroom with her pants around her ankles screaming, tears pouring- trying to tell me something I couldn't understand.
Something was still going on in the bathroom, so I went in to see what was what.
The cold water bidet was streaming FULL bast, hitting the shower door and splattering all over the bathroom. I turned it off at my own peril. Crisis and flood averted I turn back to the girl, who is still screaming.
I said, "Are you okay?"
Her: NO! I scared!
Me: You're scared because that potty got you?
Her: I'm all wet!
Me: Yeah, you're all wet, did it hurt you?
Her: Yes! It hurt my feeling!
Me: (SELF, DON'T LAUGH) it hurt your feelings?
Her: YEAH!
Me: But did it hurt your butt?
Her: no
Me: Why didn't you go to your bathroom?
Her: I scared!
Me: I know my toilet is scary, but why didn't you go to yours?
Her: I scared (Melts into babbling again) sob-sob bug- sob-scared!
Me: OH! you were scared of the bug in your bathroom, so you went in mine?
Her: Yeah
Me: and the toilet got you?
Her YEAH! and it hurt my feeling and I'm all wet!
Me: yeah- bathrooms can be like that- let's get your clothes changed.
My husband scoffed when I suggested we get a bidet. But then he found one on sale, and got it- and declared it the best home buy of the year. It is just a basic cold water bidet, but it has a powerful blast. I mean, you get too excited on that nob and it could hurt you, and obviously spray across the room onto the shower door too, not to mention how it can terrify a four-year-old who was just sitting on the potty touching nobs- like you do- when a powerful blast of cold water shot her off the toilet like an actic bottle rocket.
OH, THE HUMANITY! :)
