I was listening to the oldies station at work the other day, “Sugar-Pie, Honey-Bunch- you know I love you . . .” “My brown eyed girl . . .” “Join us for Oldies Fest with Earth Wind and Fire . . . “
“Saudi Arabia is a modern nation which as always enjoyed good relations with the United States. . .”

Uh – Wait, are they really talking about Saudi?! I halt my work to listen to what they are saying, it sounds like someone is reading an Encyclopedia Britannica entry about Saudi.

“Saudi is a country rich in resources and hospitality. The Saudi people are family oriented and have a strong faith network..”

I don’t understand why the oldies station finds it important to give me this information in the middle of the afternoon. I’m boggled.

“In Saudi, we have a very good education system, and the most modern medical facilities.”

“This message was brought you to by the people of Saudi Arabia.”

Wow. I’m not sure what to think.

They totally just played a “Love me, love me—I’m a good Saudi” commercial on the oldies station. Has it really come to that? Do we have “Love me, love me” commercials in Saudi?
What would they say?

“Here in America, we aren’t as bad as you think. We aren’t all slut-whores and perverts. We aren’t all welfare-crack head-unwed mothers hoping to get enough money together for another abortion. No, some of us are church people who wouldn’t touch a dirty whore in need with a ten foot pole. (We’re sure that’s what Jesus would do, or more to the point Wouldn’t do.) We are a prosperous nation, everyone likes us, because if the don’t like us, we beat them up and take away our toys and leave, until we can find another reason to come back and beat them up again. We’re good people and pretty too, I mean look at Hollywood, it’s fabulous. They aren’t all Jews you know. Some of them are New Agers for sure. Sure, our education system is going down the crapper, and we can’t even keep the lights on in New York City, but that doesn’t matter because WE’RE THE BEST!”

The other night Daniel was talking to his mother on the phone obviously trying to get her off the phone "No Mother, I won't be out all night. Yes Mother I know, it's irresponsible. No, Mother, I'm not sure when it will be. Yes, she's here." (It's never a good sign when she asks about me) When I hear him say, "Do you want to talk to her?" I'm sitting on the other side of the table shaking my head no in a not-so-subtle fashion.

He hands me the phone and I say "Hello." We chit-chat for a second when she gets to her point, "Shannon, what is your philosophy on staying out all night long?"

I say, "Ummm, well, I think you should only stay out all night when you can sleep in all day." (sounded like a good answer to me.) She sighed and said in a disappointed tone, "Oh, that's what Daniel thinks too." (I tried not to laugh. )

She said, "Well, I encourage you, as I encouraged him to not stay out all night." I said, "Okay." I was thinking, "I'm not going to stay out all night, my mom taught me better than that, I'm going home, and your son is coming home with me."

I didn't say it. No, no I think my very exsistance in the life of her precious fisrt born is almost enough to send her over the edge. I'm sure she prays for me every night. The very idea of hinting at faulty mothering would be going TOO FAR!

So I was at Taco Cabana a few weeks ago (I feel so behind on my blogging duties) it was 2 am and we are eating our burritos and such when this guy starts yelling.

At first we take no notice, but then he says the magic phrase that makes us want to hear more: "Come on! Yeah, I'll call immigration on your bitch ass!" An immigration threat, now that's serious, and he kept repeating himself, some times adding even more colorful language, "You stupid bitch-ass-wet-back-red-neck-hick! I'm gonna call immigration on you!"

From what I could tell the young man speaking was of latio origin himself, and since the guy he was yelling at never said anything back to him I can either assume that he was a) smart enough to keep quiet and not cause even more of a scene, b) he didn't speak English or c) he was afraid that immigration really would take his "stupid bitch-as-wet-bak-red-neck-hick" self way. Whatever the case was, he handled it well. He looked like a good guy, white hat and all.

The police came and hauled every one away. I wonder if immigration ever got his bitch ass.