That's not even neighborly

 You know if anyone starts a story with this phrase: "I don't mean to sound bitchy, but..." They are about to sound bitchy.  So- here goes.

I don't mean to sound bitchy, but what is my neighbor thinking?!  UGH!  I haven't actually met her yet, so I need to vent to- not her until I hear what she has to say about the situation.  

We were out all day yesterday.  This morning I slept in because I was tired.  The girls were up.  The neighbor rang the doorbell and said told my daughter her groceries had been delivered to my house by mistake, and she was going to take them.  Just letting us know.  Ok- great.  Not her mistake- just fixing a delivery guy's inability to read street numbers painted on the curb and the mailbox.

My daughter told me all this had happened and I said, 'fine.'  When we opened the door later in the day, there were six bags of perishable groceries on my porch:  bakery cakes, deli cheese, fresh strawberries, and in my opinion way too many frozen pizza products for middle-aged adults with no kids at home- but to each her own.

I don't know how long the food had been there, but I suspect all night because the raccoons had ripped open the bags, opened the bakery and deli containers, eaten and scattered cake, strawberries, and cheese all over my porch.

The flies were buzzing, the trash was scattered, and I started feeling kinda bitchy.

Okay- I know it's not her fault the food was delivered to my house.  I know it's not her fault that the animals tore into the bags and scattered trash all over my porch, and I also know that she came over, picked up what she wanted from the mess, and left the rest of the trash to draw insects ON MY PORCH!

That is not neighborly.

What should she have done?  I mean I know what I think- but maybe I'm just too close to the situation to be subjective.

“Let Love and Friendship reign”

 I was with a band of travelers.  I was in the tent of the leader.  He was a "cowboy-gentleman." He was rustic on the outside but refined on the inside. He was everyone's friend, their brother and their father.  He was kind and generous, he was powerful and respected.  He was rich and dictated his own rules that those who followed him kept. He was a gentle and loving King. He protected his followers and provide for them.  They did his work, and he loved them.  And they loved him. 

And I loved him.

And he asked me to stay with him.  And he presented a ring to me from his own finger.  He said I would belong with him, and I would stay with him.

I knew there was a reason I should say, "no."  But I didn't want to say no.  I hesitated.  He offered again; no pressure, just an offer of kindness.

Then I accepted his offer, and he gave me his ring.  It was a simple, but beautiful- Claddagh ring.  The symbols were on a band, and the band was covered in Celtic knots.  The Claddagh symbols were on the underside of the ring, which faces the palm.

As soon as I took the ring I realized why I should have said, "no."  

If I went with him I would have to leave my family.

If I stayed with my family I could not go with him.

When I woke up I felt really sad about this dream.

I wondered at first why a good and kind King would ask anyone to leave her family to be part of his kingdom.  It didn't seem fair.

Then I remembered that Jesus said this, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. "

Matthew 10:37-39 ESV

Sometimes the crosses we take up, the burdens we bear,  are really the things we lay down.  I lay down my family, I lay down myself, I lay down my things to follow Jesus.

The symbols of the hands holding the heart with a crown mean "Let Love and Friendship reign."

The Claddagh ring has been used a promise ring and a wedding ring for hundreds of years in the Gallaway Bay area of Ireland.

book list

 The other day I made a book list page in my notebook.  It's good to look back and remember what I have read. After I made the page I wanted to write down all the books I've read so far in 2021.  I was shocked to find (about myself) that it was March and I have only read one book in 2021.  That's disappointing. I mean- the year is 1/4 over and I've only read one book?!  Ugh.

So I snapped to it and read another one right quick.

Now I'm reading "The Collected Works of Oscar Wilde".  No lie- I was skeptical at first.  I wanted to read "A Picture of Dorian Gray," so I bought the collection.  Of course, that particular work was not in the collection. When I started reading the first story I was not impressed.  The writing is excellent as expected, but the topic was Shakespeare.  I know people who like English literature are supposed to love Shakespeare- but I'm not those people.  

I finally pushed my way through that story, and was delighted to find the other stories much more to my liking. They are, so far, everything I think a short story should be.  There is always a nice little twist at the end that makes me feel like I haven't wasted my time. 

I am also reading - rereading "A Handmaid's Tale." It has always been one of my favorites.  I'm preparing to read the sequel for the first time.  I have also started a book titled "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen."  I need that one because my little kids pretend words don't exist sometimes.

CS Lewis is on my list of 'to read' and I'll have to wait to see what else comes up!

surprise! it's a tomato (plant)

 Sometimes I surprise even myself with my nonsense.  I have this "potted plant" on my kitchen window sill.  I don't remember what the original plant was, but one sad day it became just a pot of dirt on my windowsill as the life which inhabited it passed on to plant heaven.  He gives and takes away ... 

One day I noticed that my carrots were sprouting, so I planted them in the empty window sill pot.  They grew into pretty little plants, but I learned later they would never grow into a carrot again.  Carrot greens are eatable though, so I cut them and put them in my salad.  They tasted like- nothing basically.  Then all the stems of my carrot leaf spouts died.  He gives and takes away ...

One day my sweet potatoes were spouting, so I planted them.  They grew some pretty little stalks with bright green leaves.  I know some people grow sweat potato vines for decoration, but I wondered if a sweet potato would also grow.  I also wondered how you know when your sweat potato root was ready to be harvested.  It all seemed somewhat mysterious.  In the midst of all my wondering, I guess I forgot to water them- or maybe I was just using the wrong water.  We have filtered water in the house- not so great for the plants.  I have to get water from other people, or rainwater- sort of a hassle. Anyway, all the pretty little leaves fell off so I pulled the stems.  surprise I found this tiny, baby- barbie sized sweet potato!  He gives and takes away and gives again!

I left a few sweet potato stems because they still had a leaf or two.  Those little guys were working hard on their comeback when I noticed a couple dozen little spouts popping up one day.  I thought some little piece of potato had really started giving its all.

Then, to be honest, I didn't really pay that much attention to them at all.  I mean I know it's on my windowsill, and I look at it every day, but well- the next thing I knew those little sprouts were 7 inches tall.  And I also noticed that those little spouts were definitely not sweet potato sprouts.  In fact, it looked to me like I was growing a whole passel of tomato plants.

It occurred to me that I had no clear recollection of planting any tomato seeds.  SURPRISE! It's a tomato (plant)!

I had bought some tomato seeds with the intent of planting them- but then I lost them.  

I think this is what happened.  

Last summer - my friend said, "Come over to our house and pick some figs. We have so many figs."  Now, I'm not a big fig eater- I mean who is? but it was mid-pandemic and we hadn't been out much so that sounded grand.  Off we went to pick figs.  We picked some figs, and they showed us the other parts of the garden where they were growing some melons or cucumbers or some such and there were tons of tiny grape tomatoes just dropping off the vines.  I said something about them, and they said, "Well, we didn't really plant those- they are volunteers from last year's garden.  You can take as many as you want, we harvest at least a bucket full every week."  So- I took some of those tasty little rubies. I mean a homegrown tomato is about 1000% better than a store-bought one.  (Which makes me oh-so-sad that I can't manage to grow them at home.)  

A few of those little tomatoes had some cracks or specks or blemishes or something- in any case, they didn't get eaten.  They dried up and turned into little tomato raisins. I vaguely remember putting a little cup of dried-up cherry tomatoes in the fridge.  I also vaguely remember finding those same dried-up tomatoes a good while later when I was cleaning out the fridge and wondering why I had put them in the fridge in the first place.

That is the mystery.  I guess I put those little withered gems in some dirt to see what would happen next- and then promptly forgot about the whole thing.    HOW WONDERFUL.

I'm not so bad at growing the tomato plants, it's the actual tomato that stumps me.  

We're going again this summer!  Tomatoes or bust!

The other day I noticed my celery was sprouting ... I guess I need a new window sill pot.

whamy :(

 Yesterday I went to pick up T and as usual, she gave me a happy greeting.  She quickly, however, gave me a sad face and said, "Whamy!"

I said, "Whamy?"

She said, "Whamy!"

I said, "I don't know what that is."

She said, "Whamy! Ah-ho ahh-ahh who. Whamy!"

Now- she was a little delayed in taking- and even now when she's making sentences and telling us complex ideas she still sounds like a little monkey sometimes.

I said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand. Let's go."

She said, (with a very sad face) "Ma Whamy!

We were already out at the car, but suddenly it clicked- I got it!  

I said, "Are you saying you left your lamby in your classroom?"

I've made a career of understanding people learning English and it took this long to understand my own child?

(Happy Face) "Yeah- (long steam of babbling sounds ending with Whamy!")

I said, "I'll go get it."

I had forgotten that morning I had negotiated that she leave her "beebee" (pacifier) at home, and she could take the lamby to school instead.

J&J covid vaccine- check

 I got my J&J vaccine last week.  I hadn't been especially concerned about getting a vaccine.  I figured there were plenty of people who wanted it or needed it more than I did, so I was just waiting my turn. My sister-in-law is a nurse practitioner.  Every once in a while she would announce that her practice had extra vaccines.  The problem was that once she let us know they were available, we had to drive 45 minutes to get them that same day.  

Once the governor announced no mask mandate and 100% openings for business, I thought we might want to start getting more serious about our vaccines.

Our opportunity came up last Thursday, so yeah we're vaccinated!

D had zero reaction.  Of course.  I, like 1.4% of the population had all of them.  Of course.

It wasn't terrible, just annoying.  I had a slight fever and chills, fatigue, and ouchie! vaccine arm.  

Actually, I didn't know there was such a thing as 'vaccine arm' until today.  I got the vaccine on Thursday.  On Friday I had soreness and redness about the size of a nickel.  Saturday it was very sore and the redness was about the size of my thumb.  Sunday the redness was about three inches across and two inches wide.  It was quite painful.  It felt like a deep muscle bruise.  The slightest touch was too much.  (troublesome with three huggy girl-children.) By Monday I was feeling a bit better, not quite as tired and yuck, but my arm injection site had started itching like crazy!  I couldn't scratch it because it hurt too much.  I had been taking Benadryl and pain relievers, but nothing seemed to help.  Tuesday I think I thought I was all better and did too much stuff and felt bad again by evening.  UGH.

Today I didn't do much- my redness is mostly gone, it only itches a little, the soreness is reduced and so I think I'm almost recovered from my J&J vaccine!  

There is still about a two-inch-long welt under my skin at the injection site.  This is certainly the weirdest reaction I've ever had to any kind of vaccine.

So now I won't die from the disease du jour.

ships in the sky

 I had an unsettling dream last night.  I have had similar dreams before.  I was traveling with extended family (as if that isn't unsettling enough) and we were staying in a large urban area.  We were using only public transportation and walking around when everyone noticed the ships in the sky.  They were enormous-and hovering just above the clouds.  Everyone was starting to panic- and as always happens during times of panic there was a food and transport shortage.  We were stranded in a strange city without access to food or any way to leave.

Of course, the looming problem was still in the sky- but dealing with everyday problems was the only thing that we focused on.

Sometimes we can only do what we can do- and we just have to let the rest happen.

Tamzin the Friendly

 I decided to change pre-schools for T.  I took her with me to visit a new place.  While the director was showing me around she was telling me what the kids would do on a regular basis.  She said, "These little cubbies are where the kids will hang up their jackets and put their things."  So- T took off her sweater and put her bear up on the shelf.  The director said, "Oh! she knows how to get things started!"  Then she said, "This is the three-year-old classroom, with all the learning centers."  So, T went over and started playing with the playset.  Then, while we are watching what will happen next she said, "At lunch time we clean everything up and line up to go to lunch." And even though she was talking to me the whole time, T put what she was playing with away and stood in front of the door.  

That girl was showing how schooled she was.

We looked at the rest of the facility, played with some more toys, and when it was time to go the director put her hand out to shake with T.  T pushed her hand aside, and gave her a hug.  

I said, "I guess she likes it here."

The director said, "She is SO CUTE!"

She is so cute- and smart, and stubborn and independent like her sisters.

The other day we were cleaning out the garage to get ready for a new garage door (that actually opens and closes- novel) near dusk when all the sudden someone says, "Where's Tamzin?"  I said, "Well, that's a good question, and I went to look in the house, while my husband went down the driveway."  Down at the street, he yelled her name and our neighbor (who we stayed with during the storm) yelled back, "she's down here!"  That's across the street and down three houses that my three-year-old took herself in the almost dark.  So I walked down there, and sure enough, there is her tiny scooter leaning up against the door.  

The neighbor said, "Tamzin's here, I don't know where the other girls are."  I told her they were at home, where we thought T was too. She said, "Tamzin just came up and knocked on the door, and I asked "What are you doing here?" and she said, "I come in."  So I said, "okay."

I told T we needed to go and she hugged everyone and said,  "Bye!"  

And the neighbor said, "She is so cute!"

the days are weird

 The days are weird.  I think that if Billy Joel wanted to rewrite his song "We Didn't Start the Fire" he could get a whole song out of just the last 11 months.

I have a student in Vietnam. I tried to email him to let him know the class was canceled on Monday while the power was out.  I guess the message didn't go through because when I got back on email last night (Wednesday) there were several emails from him asking if there was going to be class.  I wrote back to him and told him "Texas is frozen," we expect to be able to have class again next week.

What a sweeping, ridiculous, and painfully accurate statement.

The first day of the snow (Sunday) the kids were so excited.  They had never seen snow in Texas- and so they went out and played (briefly) gathered some snow for snow cones, marveled at the icicles, and wondered at the awesome display of nature.

The first night of snow the power cycled on and off a few times, but I went to sleep sure that it would be back on and stable in the morning. I woke up at 7:00 AM on Monday to get ready for my online class, and just before class was supposed to start, the electricity went out again and didn't come back until 11:00PM on Tuesday, but it wasn't stable. It became stable by Noon on Wednesday.

That doesn't seem like a long time.  It is at least 40 hours with nothing, then some rolling outages before it became stable.  

For us it didn't really matter because of the kindness of neighbor-strangers-kid's friends'-parents.

All the houses on our street were out except four.  Of those four, one neighbor knocked on our door and said, "If you need a place, come to the house with the hearts."  

We of course said, "Thanks so much, but we are fine.  We are sure it will come back any minute.  It's not that cold in the house ... we're fine."  

A few hours later it was getting cold in the house.  Our neighbors with the hearts happened to be our kids' friends' parents.  We had met the kids, but not the parents. We told the girls they could go over to their friends' house to play.  The mom said it was fine for them to spend the night.  She said we could come over to spend the night. She said "Come over for dinner." She said, "Are you okay?  I can bring you dinner."  We said, "Thanks so much, but we are fine.  Everything is fine."  

And the temperature continued to drop in the house.  at 10:00 PM it was 50 degrees and we decided to go to bed.  We stayed in bed until about 10:00 AM.  The temperature was 45 degrees, and I had had enough. I said, "We need to leave.  We can go to a hotel, we can go to our friends (20 minute drive) or we can go to the neighbor's house."  It really only made sense to go to the neighbor's house, so I packed it up and walked three houses down.

They are a family very similar to ours.  Three daughters, two working parents, two dogs (formally two dogs for us.) Their house is even very similar to ours.  We have a lot in common, but we have been about living our busy lives that we have never met.

It was a blessing for sure to be able to look out their window and see if our power had returned or not.  It was a blessing that we were all warm and comfortable and in the company of new friends. It was a blessing that their power stayed on, and that they knocked on our door.  It was a blessing that we took the chance to take the kind offer to join them.  

Our power came on and we hung out at their house for, well- most of the day to "make sure."  I finally came home, but my husband needed to stay longer to finish the movie marathon they had started.  We might go back tonight just to hang out.  :)

Now the temperatures are slowly rising- the icicles are melting.  The snow is less powder and more slush.  The weatherman says the temperatures will be up to the 60s this weekend.  

We are not aware of any lasting damage.  We haven't found any broken pipes or equipment.  So, again we are blessed in the mess and that's the only way to look at it.

The book of days

 I have a notebook I carry around all the time.  If anyone knows anything about me- they know I almost always have a notebook with me.  I’ve had this habit since I was in high school.  It started with “THE BOOK,” which was kind of a public slam-book.  After that, I started carrying a notebook around all the time.  It was my journal, list book, idea book, good for quotes to remember, notes, and nonsense.  Over the years the books have been different, some big, some small, some more interesting than others.  

Six or seven years ago I was visiting a church- which was hosting a visiting preacher.  I’m sure that guy meant well- but his message was waaaaay off base.  I needed something to distract me from his awful theology, so I opened my notebook and started taking notes.   When I say “taking notes” I almost never mean that I am writing down anything useful.  I’m usually writing down words and phrases that catch my imagination or make me smile.  When the speaker mispronounces a word or uses a mixed metaphor- when they say something odd because they are nervous, or they are thinking faster than their mouth is moving.  I’ll write down verbal ticks- and other things that the speaker would never remember having said.   I write down bad grammar and incorrect statements.

Sometimes when all the magic in the universe comes together, and I’m not distracted by any of the above misfortunes, and I can focus on the actual message of the speaker or at least their intent, I write down phrases which seem to be important- or which cause a mental image that I think I can put on the paper.  

So- I have notes in my notebook.  I also have lists of daily chores, grocery lists, Christmas card lists, to-do lists.  I have recipes, calendars, addresses, phone numbers, and of course nonsense.  I have stickers, pictures, drawings, and tiny sized memes.  

I’m writing this because I only have two pages left in the notebook I started in March of 2018.  It’s hard to change books- it’s hard to decide which one will be the new one- the one that will be with me every day.  How I will do the lay out- if I will include sections (as I should do to help it make more sense- even to me.) I try to guess how long I think it might last (I was pretty close on the last one.)     I try to keep my life in order- 

But- as usual, it is way too messy to be bound.                              

90 seconds of life

 

The average length of a traffic light is one minute and 30 seconds.

Yesterday I stopped at a traffic light a few car lengths behind the vehicle in front of me so that I wasn’t blocking a business entrance.  The car behind me honked.  I looked in the review mirror and saw the woman behind me talking to me angrily.  I thought, ‘Doesn’t she see that I didn’t move forward so that I wouldn’t block the business entrance?’  A few seconds later honked again.  This time when I looked in the review mirror, I saw she was talking to me and gastrulating angrily.  I started to feel irritated.  Where did she think she was going? We were all stopped at the light!  Why are people so impatient? 

I thought about the day before when I was sitting in line at the pickup line at my kid’s school.  I was the last person in line, so when the bus in front of me moved forward one car length I just waited.  I didn’t move because I was on a slight incline; I was driving my husband’s manual, and I just didn’t feel like putting it into gear to move 15 feet.  This white minivan driven by the proverbial Karen swooped in behind me and immediately honked her horn so that I would move up one car length.  Ugh!  So, I put it in gear and idled forward.  I was going so slowly Karen swerved into the next lane.  I knew that was a bad idea for her, but people are so anxious to do the next stupid thing what can you say to them? 

I knew that the lane I was in moved faster than the other lane 90% of the time.  So, by the time I got to the pickup point, Karen was about 6 cars behind me in the other lane.  Thinking about Karen made me feel more irritated about the woman honking behind me. 

She honked for the third time and when I looked at her in the review mirror this time she was pointing to the right.  I looked to my right and saw that the business entrance I was not blocking for those who wanted to turn in or pull out was a Chicken Express.

Suddenly I understood. By not blocking everyone else coming and going from Chicken Express, I WAS blocking her.  I was the one person between her and the promise of delicious fried chicken.  I mean, I’m a vegetarian and I want Chicken Express sometimes.  (They have the BEST fried pickles, not to mention all the other fried veggies.)

Well, by that time the people in the left lane had blocked the entrance from anyone in the other lanes being able to turn in, so I was only leaving it open for anyone who wanted to come out.  I thought, ‘Huh, maybe I should move forward.  I guess she thinks I’m being a jerk by not letting her in because let’s face it- it is all about HER in right now.’ 

But a devil had landed on my shoulder by that time- and he said, “You have the next 20 seconds of her life in your hands!”  An angel on the other shoulder said, “She just wants chicken and fried pickles! She thinks you are a jerk, don’t make her right!” 

I decided I was a jerk at that moment. I decided I was the master of her fate.  I decided she would learn patience at my will.  HER LIFE WAS IN MY HANDS!

James 1:17 says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” 

Then the light changed- and I put my husband’s silly car in gear and let the woman have her chicken.

T+M4

 Meow-Meow Meow-Meow and Tamzin

Last Christmas Tamzin met Meow-Meow Meow-Meow.  They were good friends right away.  They traveled together, had great conversations, and when they returned home after the New Year they continued enjoying one another.  Then, something happened during the pandemic.  Everything was chaotic, and they lost touch.  Months went by and Tamzin and Meow-Meow Meow-Meow didn’t see each other.

Just last week Meow-Meow Meow-Meow showed up at Tamzin’s door again.  Where had she been?  She’s not telling.  No hard feelings about losing touch though- it has been a hard year for everyone- what with the social distancing, mask-wearing, and reduced public appearances.  The truth is when you want to engage in relationships you need to make an effort- especially in these difficult times.  The effort can be a struggle.  Like Tamzin and Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow, we need to be generous with our understanding, forgiveness, and compassion.  We need to engage as we feel comfortable to do so.

It is certainly not the time to be reckless with your health or wellbeing.  We need to make good choices.  Sometimes those choices include reconnecting with people we’ve lost touch with.  It might mean forgoing social distancing with just one person, and understanding you are taking a chance with your physical health - in order to maintain your mental and emotional health.  

We all still have to live our lives.  We are in this for the long haul.  None of it is going away soon.  

Tamzin and Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow spent a great day at the park together yesterday.  They decided not to focus on social distancing (from each other) as much and instead give careful attention to limiting the number of people they hang out with, and germ-fighting with soap and water.

the dentist says I need some work ....

 

there are a number of crowns in my near future!

Be humble

Stevia

Taking the ill advice of some medical professional I"m sure- I bought a supply of single servings of Stevia.  Now- my tea and I are suffering.

I 'nowman

She picked this dress out today and whispered, "I 'nowman!" She has a hard time with "s".  Sometimes she comes to me and says, "I 'cared!" Her eyes are wide, her hands-fingers spread up near her face. Sometimes she can even set herself a tremble to make the scene more convincing.  Her favorite song is "Baby 'hark."   She is my extra precious ❤️.

joy in the morning

Good shepherd

English History Mystery

My ignorance of English history is paying off. 
I'm reading The Other Boleyn Girl. I'm 100 pages from the end and I still don't know what's going to happen! 
I know all the queens have to go- the story is about one who is not queen (the other sister) but I don't know if she gets killed too, what's going to happen to her children (who are also Henry's) how many more queens there will be, what Oliver Cromwell is up to, why Thomas More is in the tower- when the Church of English is established in this timeline- what's gonna happen to the pope?!  What do the Lutherans have to do with it?  When will the Bible be officially translated into English and available to read in this storyline? Are they all speaking French? What made Henry so crazy? For all the documentaries and biographies I watch and read- I would have thought I would have this all worked out by now. 

Alas, no- it is all a surprise to me in this book.  How fantastic is that? Love my ignorance in isolation :)
As soon as I finish the book I'm going to do some sketchy wiki research and watch the movie- there might even be a series to entertain me. 

Isn't he wonderful?

Leave behind your regrets and mistakes
Come today, there's no reason to wait
Jesus is calling
Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy
From the ashes, a new life is born
Jesus is calling

O come to the altar
The Father's arms are open wide
Forgiveness was bought with
The precious blood of Jesus Christ
Forgiveness was bought with
The precious blood!...

from- Oh come to the altar: Elevation Music

Sometimes we think we are okay- but really there is something off.  Right now there are A LOT of things off. There is so much fear and anxiety- and so, so much stupidity which leads to way too much sarcasm  ...

I'm not really worried for my family unit.  We're fine.  Daniel and I are both listed as "essential workers."

I mean, I'm not sure how "essential" my work is, but I got the notice today that I am in fact "essential," so I can go to campus if I need to use technology or pick up materials.  The point is, we aren't losing any income as a result of the shelter in place order.  The girls' school has provided online classes for them to finish our their school year.  I'm working from home exclusively, D is working from home part-time- and going into the office part-time. 

We're not sick.  We have some TP- (although I noticed we are getting a bit low so I should probably be a bit more proactive on that account.)

The internet is mostly working.  We have enough food. We can go out and walk the neighborhood- or if it stays warm- go out to the pool.  (the girls swam today, but it was too cold for me to venture in)

Everything is mostly fine.

I read an article today that said, you know that uneasy feeling you have?  and I thought "YEAH!" It said that feeling is shared grief over what we have lost.  We've all lost our old normal- at least for a while.  Even if everything is still okay with us- there is still something missing.  

It is okay.  I have plenty to keep me entertained.  I have lots of stuff to do around the house.  The problem is that it is still left undone.  I'm not doing the things I should do, I'm not even doing the things I really want to do- I'm stuck.  I'm wasting time looking at facebook and avoiding the real news.  

I'm waiting for the next thing, and I'm tired, and my tummy hurts.

If that's what's happening with me, what about all the people who are deeply affected by this mess?

I've been thinking about that verse and chorus for the past few days- 

Leave behind your regrets and mistakes ...

Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy ...

Jesus is calling.