I'm home 2.19.16

Reset
I'm home
The morphine is gone, but the headache remains
It feels good to bend my elbow without setting off an alarm.
We went to the ER at 12:30 Wednesday morning.  According to my thermometer (which I now think is a liar) my temp was 102 or maybe 101.9- either way I had told my husband that I would call the doctor if my temp got that high.  (Even though the doctor told me to call if it got above 100.4, that just sounded like a silly number to me.)

I called the on-call doctor, and it turned out my doctor was on-call.  Just when he was about to tell me to Not come in, he  asked about the antibiotics I was supposed to be taking.  I told him the pharmacy had told me twice that they had never been called in.  Twice after office hours of course- so I hadn't started them yet.

Then he sort of freaked.  He told me I needed to go in immediately.  He said he was calling the ER doctor to give him instructions for when I got there.  He said, "They are going to admit you."

So we began gathering the stuff- looking through the bags of stuff we hadn't unpacked from the last trip to the hospital. This pillow- that robe, don't forget the headphones and the phone charger, yes I need my slippers and I should take a book.

In the waiting room Eowyn wanted to know why that girl was crying and kept asking if I was okay.  I told her I was okay and she struggled to keep her eyes open.  She didn't want to miss anything.  When my name was called I shuffled along behind the tech. Daniel and the girls shuffled along behind me.  In the exam room a beautiful blonde nurse and a handsome young doctor introduced themselves and told me what they were going to do- then they both disappeared for over an hour.

The nurse came back to draw blood and put in an IV.  She was pretty, but didn't seem to have much practice with "rolling" veins.  Although the floor nurses had not had any trouble finding a vein, ER nurse was having no such luck.  The girls thought the whole procedure was amazing.  Eowyn was basically up under the nurse's arm trying to see what would happen next- and she kept giving me advice- "Okay mama, close your eyes!  It's only gonna hurt a little bit!" Then to the nurse, "What's that? What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Can I have that?  I can hold that for you."

Eventually she had the IV in and two blood samples for cultures and one for the immediate lab use.  That's when I said, "The doctor mentioned something about pain medication?"  She said, "Oh! I'll get that for you and your fluids, and your antibiotic."

When she came back an hour later and hooked me up I asked when I would be moved to a room.  By that time it was nearly 6:00AM and we were all starting to lose it.  She said, "Oh, I'll have to check- but maybe not until 8:00 or 9:00- we have a lot of people in holding because there aren't enough empty beds upstairs.

Surprisingly she came back less than an hour later to tell us I had a room and they were ready to take me to it.

In the room the girls got weepy because they were so tired and stressed, but they had really been so good all night in that cramped little exam room. They left their most prized possession with me, Eowyn's favorite Teddy Bear and Lailah's favorite toy 'Broccoli.' What sweet girls I have.

Emptiness

I've been dreaming of empty buildings and empty rooms.

Emptiness 
To dream of emptiness suggests that there is something missing or lacking in your life. It symbolizes fruitless labor, an emotional void, or loneliness. There is nothing to show for all the effort that you have dedicated to a project or relationship. In particular, to dream that a container is empty represents optimism.

http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=empty

the hippo story and my yard

While all the neighbors have cleaned up their leaves in our "Woodland West" neighborhood, ours are still lying conspicuously on the ground.  Not just laying there, but also blowing into the neighbor's yards.  No doubt they love us.

No less than 5 people have knocked on our door in the past weeks asking if we wanted them to clean up our yard for a price.  Each time I said, "No thanks."

This is because last year a guy came to clean up and he was tricksy- over charged us and left me feeling unwilling to try again.

On a side note, the year before when the Mormans did it, it was wonderful.  Too bad the Mormans won't come back.

I had a professional lawn guy, a student,  and a church group they are the runner-up for my favorite- it was a guy wearing nice clothes, driving a molester van (no windows, painted black- real shading looking).  He had a glossy card about his recovery church- and  a speech about how they were raising money for more work.  I mean- maybe I should have had him do it- but really I was a little scared about the van.  He kept saying "we" but I didn't see anyone else in the van.

My favorite was the last one- it was Sunday after church, and he appeared to be wearing his church clothes.  He told me (with a bit of an African accent) that he had noticed my lawn needed cleaned, and told me he was trying to get some money to send back to his family.  I said, "No, thanks." But he went on to tell me that his cousin had been in an accident and he wanted to help him.  I sympathized, "I'm sorry about that, but no thanks."  "You see," he said, "They were fishing and a hippo knocked the boat over."  "Oh! Well, that is terrible, but I think we will do it ourselves."

Yeah- the hippo part surprised me.  Not that it couldn't happen, but seriously I've never been within 100 yards of a hippo and I know they are one of Africa's most dangerous animals!  Stay away from the flippin' hippos!

I couldn't decide if that was a made up story or a real one.  I suppose those are the best kinds.

Long lost friend...

Well- I could be talking about this blog- my long lost friend- but actually I was thinking of something far simpler- older-
a pen
When I was in high school I had a thing about fountain pens.  I'm not sure why, or how it got started, but I has a small collection of (cheap) fountain pens. I loved them and I had all different colors of ink.
Fast forward 20+ years.  I have a new collection of some cheap (Chinese) fountain pens and some rather expensive ones as well. I also love them.

However, up on a shelf, in a box was a little green, plastic fountain pen.  It has yellow daisies on it, and the ink inside has long since dried up.  It was one of my high school pens.  I've been dragging it around all these years.  I have some cartridges too, unopened, but half dried up anyway.

Sometime ago I bought some syringes to flush out some of my pens, and maybe refill some cartridges.   And so- while I should be working I have revived my little green flowered pen!  She's alive!  She's perfect!

Knowing I have enough pens and ink to last for generations does not stop me from wanting more!
Vive le stylo plume!

At the party

Yesterday  OE was talking about how much she loved 'the party' where I wore the funny glasses.  She said, "I love that party, I love those funny glasses, I wish I could have some funny glasses like those." I had no idea what she was talking about.  She had mentioned something like that before. I thought maybe she was referring to a dream she had had.  Or maybe she was mixing me up with something else she had seen.  She referred to the party as 'yesterday' which generally means anything in the past.

Then she expanded the story to include how much she loved the tattoos on my hands and the princess dress (although, she  informed me, that a pink one would have been a better choice) and how Daddy gave me some cake in my mouth.

Then I realized what party she was talking about.  A long time ago- more than 6 months for sure I showed her our wedding album- and she remembered everything.

dreaming 11/11

From Dream moods.com

Toes

To see your toes in your dream represent the way you move and walk through life, either with grace and poise, or the lack of.  It also signifies your path in life. Alternatively, toes represent the minor details of life and how you deal with them. 

To dream that you hurt your toe or that there is a corn or abrasion on it, means that you are feeling anxious about moving forward with some plan or decision.

I dreamed that I had a small sore on my big toe.  I think it was my right big toe.  It didn't really hurt, so I didn't pay much attention to it.  When I took a closer look at it I saw that it was very deep.  As a matter of fact half my toe was hollow!  The skin and nail were like an egg shell.  I knew I should go to the doctor, and I wondered why it didn't hurt.

I also dreamed that my mother came to me and told me I needed to go the the doctor to get my heart and blood checked.

I also dreamed that a teeny tiny cat was sitting on my pillow and meowing in my ear. That, however, was probably just a result of the high pitched wheezing from my throat.

dreams of times ago

The other night I dreamed about some college friends.  It was one of those continuous dreams.  I wake up quite often in the night. When I was younger I used to think it would be nice if I could go back to find out how  a dream ends- because I have always woken up a lot in the night- and I used to start a new dream with each wakening.  Since I've been pregnant I've started either continuing the dream, or restarting the dream.

The dream was that I was with my college friends and we were hanging out, having a fun time.  Then they got girl friends and they just stopped talking to me.  I was nonexistent.  It was so frustrating- and it wasn't always the same guy.

In reality it did happen several times, not quite so dramatically as in the dream.  The problem was, not that it happened- it happened we were young- the problem with the dream was that it kept happening all night- over and over again.

I was so annoyed when I woke up.  I think I'd rather just get a new scene if the old one is going to be so annoying.

Ultrabook

The Ultrabook has arrived... and it's awesome!

Happy Birthday to me

For my birthday I've decided to give myself time.  Time to write a blog.  Anytime I feel inclined to write something on my much overlooked (by me) blog I think, "But, I have so many other things that I really SHOULD be doing!"  Then I do that other thing, and by the time I have a moment to sit and write- I'm tired or out of the mood, or  can't remember what I wanted to write about any way.

In order to try to facilitate my new gift of time to myself- I've asked for a new netbook.  However, it seems netbooks have gone the way of the dinosaurs- I am currently writing on a net book I bought in 2008 or 9 ?! I don't really know. Since then I've had two or three computers, a tablet or two and a variety of smart phones, but none of them give me the ease of typing, researching, portability and comfort of a little computer.

I told my techie husban
d I wanted a netbook. He said, "There's no such thing"- translated- there's no such thing worth buying. I said, "What about a chromebook?" He said, they were interesting in concept but flawed in execution.  I said, "How about a budget laptop?"  He said, "Not worth it."  I was losing hope for my writing 'career' when he said, "What you want is an ultrabook."

I do? Yes, of course.  (I'm pretty easy to convince.) I want an ultra book.  I want an expensive gadget. I want a computer that is light, but doesn't have the cramped keyboard that I am currently fighting with.  It should run Windows and have enough power and memory to keep me happy for the next 5 years.  It should have a long battery life and a sleek design.  All of those things will help me write. :)

My gift of time is about finished for now- but I hope to continue to gift myself.  I have a list of possible topics to address.

  Here's to the next year of Shannon

The ballad of love and hate

"The Ballad Of Love And Hate"

Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.
My vacations ending. I'm coming home late.
The weather was fine and the ocean was great 
and I can't wait to see you again. 

Hate reads the letter and throws it away.
"No one here cares if you go or you stay.
I barely even noticed that you were away.
I'll see you or I won't, whatever."

Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.
And everyone knows it whenever she flies,
and also when she comes down.

Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.
Every stranger and drifter he greets.
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
With a serious look on his face.

Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow.
To trust. To hope. To care.

Hate sits alone on the hood of his car.
Without much regard to the moon or the stars. 
Lazily killing the last of a jar 
Of the strongest stuff you can drink.

Love takes a taxi, a young man drives.
As soon as he sees her, hope fills his eyes.
But tears follow after, at the end of the ride, 
Cause he might never see her again.

Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.
He screams o'er the sidewalk and into the drive.
The clock in the kitchen says 2:55, 
And the clock in the kitchen is slow.

Love has been waiting, patient and kind.
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign,
That the one that she cares for, who's out of his mind,
Will make it back safe to her arms.

Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.
Weary head hung, eyes to the floor.
He says "Love, I'm sorry", and she says, "What for?
I'm your and that's it, Whatever.
I should not have been gone for so long.
I'm your's and that's it, forever."

You're mine and that's it, forever.

I think I will think of an assignment to have my students analyze these lyrics.

Hungry

Yesterday some students presented some cultural information about Ramadan to their non-Muslim classmates- as it is starting tomorrow.

I probably should have gone, but ugh- I know about Ramadan already NO FOOD all day = Angry Muslims.  PARTY and FOOD all night = tired Muslim with digestive problems.  

I suppose that  was not exactly the gist of the presentation.

The only thing that made me consider going was the food.  I was HUNGRY!  I have breakfast, snack and lunch, and I was still hungry.  (I suspect Aunt Flo of affecting my appetite.)

I thought it was probably wrong to go to a Ramadan presentation just for the food.

I waited until I was pretty sure it was over, then walked past the room on the way out- but they weren't done. The pizza hadn't even come yet.  So I popped in, had some Arabic coffee and waited for the pizza.

Oh Ramadan- It's going to be a long month for my Muslim friends.

Celebrate Gladly.

Matthew 6:16-18 “And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

Both hands

I've painted my nails... the big news is I got two coats on both hands. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but I never seem  to have time to complete the task. There are a lot of those types of tasks- the unfinished ones.

It's spring break this week. I'm hoping to get some household chores completed, do ny class prep work  and have some time to have fun and relax.

That's a big list- at least my fingernails are ready.

Awesome on a bad day

Wednesday OE came home sick and threw up all the way down the hall.  D stayed home Thursday,  but on Friday they seemed fine.  We all went to work and daycare.  I had a headache at work yesterday.  Things didnt seem bad until Friday  night after D had left.
I was sick in all the ways.
Im guessing it's some sort of flu. 
But even fluish i made some finger paint and supervised a few masterpieces.

get closer to Canada . . .

terrible-horrible-no good-very bad.

Speaking of the terrible, senseless things people do ... Sometime ago D told me a story about a baby who had been severely abused. This baby, at two months old need to be care flighted to a more sophisticated hospital because of the severity of her injuries.  She had broken ribs, broken legs, head contusions and two occasions of bleeding on the brain just to start.  She was experiencing convulsions because of her head injuries, and I'm sure there were far more things wrong with that tiny baby that I didn't hear about.

No matter how frustrating a newborn can be- what kind of monster would hurt a baby like that? If you don't want to deal with a baby- give it away- it's that easy.  That's what those "safe place" signs are all about.

That baby has been in protective care for the past 7+ months.  I heard more of the story yesterday.  The parents are a young couple.  The couple was living in a house with the mother's parents and one other family member. The grandparents were caring for the baby.  The parents were both working or otherwise away from the baby on a regular basis.

When the baby stopped breathing because of the seizures the parents took her to the ER.  At the ER the assessment was that she needed more sophisticated care than could be given at that ER.  She was care flighted to a bigger facility.  At the bigger hospital the doctors immediately recognized abuse and called CPS. CPS took custody of the baby and she has been in foster care since that time.

The young couple maintains that they were not the abusers, and suspect it was the grandparents, or possibly this other unnamed family member.  CPS only knows that the parents should be responsible, and that there is no proof they didn't do the abuse, or at least know about the abuse.  Its a "he said-she said" situation.

The attorney of the young couple suggested that if they broke up the mother would have a much better change of getting the baby back, because blame would slide to the father of the child.  The young woman refuses to take this advice, being sure both she and her boyfriend are innocent.  The grandparents are suing for custody of the baby- the young mother insists that she would rather see that baby anywhere else than with her parents.

The young couple has been advised to find an adoptive home for the baby or CPS will take the baby permanently.

The person telling us this story is the great aunt of the baby.  She is looking forward to her own children graduating from university and retiring from her job in the coming years.  She confesses that she is from a family of drama- she is the logical-rational-determined one who got out of the family business of trouble and drama.  She's the only one to go to university- to work her way to the top of her field. She's the one they asked to take the baby.

She's not unkind, but she just isn't in a place to take a baby in.  She raised her kids alone- she has her own medical issues- she's busy at work. She has her life. She doesn't want a baby.

When we heard this story D and I both said, "We do. We want a baby. We're ready- we've got all the stuff for girls."

Our story teller said, "This baby might be special needs after the abuses she suffered."
I said, "When you have a baby, you don't know what you're going to get- taking this baby would be just like having one- we would take her as she was, and help her to be her best."

She said, "What would you think about letting the parents see her?" She thought they were telling the truth, and they really were not the abusers.
I said, "I'm sure that would be court mandated, but I wouldn't be opposed to supervised visits and seeing what happens from there."
She said, "I think you guys are crazy- are you serious? If you are serious I'll tell the parents."
We said we were serious.

If that baby came to us- it would only be God giving her to us.

I told D before we got married that I would be interested in adopting- I just don't know the logistics of the whole thing.

God doesn't always deal in logistics.

I just wanted a taco

Yesterday I wasn't feeling well, so I decided to stop at one of my favorite places for lunch.  It was a headache-and-I-think-I-need-some-protein- kind of unwell.
I went to Taco Cabana.  I had a super yummy bean and cheese taco plate and highly enjoyed to salsa bar.  I was feeling good when I came out and started the car.  I saw I had a tire with low pressure, so I got out to check it out and I saw that I had a 4 inch slash on the side of my tire.

Seriously? Why so angry tire shasher?

I'm just a white girl enjoying a taco!

D came to change the tire (theoretically I could do it myself, but lets face it- tire changing is certainly a perk of having a man around) and he was trying to be optimistic and said, "Maybe it was a really sharp piece of re-bar you drove by."   That kind of gash would have deflated the tire immediately- so I thought, "Maybe it is was a crazy person with a really sharp knife."

It turned out that crazy-pants-cutter chose to slash the one tire I had with a road hazard warranty.  Weird.  I messed up the previous tire  when I slid off a county road in the rain.  I didn't need 4 new tires so I just got that one new- and bam! Another new one!

It makes me really wonder what is wrong with people.  I mean I know people do terrible-horrible-disgusting things on a regular basis- but when it doesn't directly effect you- you can push it aside. This is something so small- an inconvenience- but what makes a person so angry to lash out at a stranger for no reason? What makes them think destruction of someone else's property is ok?

non-posh jars

I've taken lately to putting everything in glass cars (plastic for the babies.)  My breakfast and lunch jars are sitting on my desk, looking empty and forlorn.

My Campbell's black bean cilantro soup was a mistake. The hazelnut chocolate milk on the other hand was yummers.

My jars are not Mason jars- just baby food jars and salsa jars- juice jars and pickle jars.  One day I will break a jar in an unfortunate place and my jar-love will cease.

a flash of my future

Lailah will be walking soon.  She cruises and stretches all of her 27 inches to reach the next piece of furniture- she stands alone when she's not thinking about it, and has *pretty good* control of when and where she sits down.  Lailah is a busy body, who loves to be held, but hates to be held down. She's squirmy and wiggly and willful. Lailah, like her sister has "ape arms" she can reach faster and farther than you would think possible for a baby.

Eowyn is still not happy with Lailah.  Occasionally she is sweet to her baby sister, but most of the time it's "No Lailah! No touch!" or "Lailah hurt my princess!"  Which is translated as "Lailah touched my dress." (Major crime in Eowyn's mind)

Lailah, on the other hand, loves everything about Eowyn. Before she could crawl she would watch her sister and giggle.  Now that she's mobile, Lailah is everywhere Eowyn is.  Lailah wants the eat the same food, drink the same drink, and play with the same toys.  Lailah wants to be next to her all the time.  Eowyn wants Lailah to be anywhere else.

I keep hoping that when Lailah becomes a steady walker Eowyn will learn how fun Lailah can be.

I had a glimpse of what I can expect when by little angels start working together.  I had a full glass of water.  I put it in the middle of the coffee table, which is- for now, one of the few places Lailah still can't reach. I was knitting something, and not looking at the girls when I heard my glass of water spilling onto the floor. I looked up to see Eowyn holding the glass up for Lailah to drink, and the water dripping down the front of Lailah's shirt.  I saw two sets of blue eyes looking at me with this expression of "That's not what we wanted to happen at all- are we in trouble?"

At that moment I knew what my future would look like- those sweet blonde haired, blue eyed angels wreaking all manner of havoc- then giving me those innocent-scarred looks.

What could I say?  It was one of the few times that Eowyn was being sweet to Lailah without any prompting from me or Daniel. I didn't want to scold Eowyn for trying to be nice to her sister- her poor thirsty baby sister who couldn't reach the water.

I didn't say anything- just went to get a towel, and another glass of water.

Monster on the ceiling

Conversations with a two year old:

OE: Mama! I'm scared! (hiding and shaking- she's really good at pretending to be scared)
ME: What are you afraid of?
OE: A dragon!
ME: A dragon? Where?
OE: In the bath room!
ME: What color was it?
OE: (high pitched shaky voice) Pink!

Then she skips away happy as can be, because this a regular conversation.  She's not really scared of dragons, she loves to see dragons on tv, and has toy dragons.  She likes to roar like a dragon, "RARRR!"

I say this to point out that she generally not generally afraid of things other kids find scary at that age.

Last night she stayed at her grandparents house as part of the first ever "cousins sleep over." Everyone had said night-night, the lights were out, they were laying down together- which is quite an accomplishment for two 3 year-olds and one 2 year old.

Suddenly they heard the ceiling fan clicking, and somebody said, "What's that?" and Liam said, "It's a monster!" and calmly got up and left.  His arm was itchy and he wanted more medicine.  That left the two girls in there to think about the monster.  Tia went back in the room to get the medicine for Liam.  She turned on a bathroom light, which cast shadows across the clicking fan.  And Eowyn Lost It. "It's a monster! I want my Mama!" She was I-have-been-playing-hard-and-didn't-get-a-nap-today-and now-it's-way-past-my-bed-time-in-a-strange-place-with-a-monster-two-year-old-Hysterical.

It was pathetic.

ME: What's wrong?
OE: Monster! (sobbing)
ME: Where?
OE: In there (still sobbing and trying to catch her breath)
ME: What color was it?
OE: (starting to calm down) Pink ...
ME: Pink? Pink's a good color. Do you like pink?
OE: yeah ...

Then she stayed up for another hour or more.

Then we left- so I hope the rest of the first ever cousin sleep over went well.

Conversations with OE

Conversations with a two year old:
OE: Mama, you're my favorite.
ME: Oh, I'm your favorite? Is Daddy your favorite?
OE: Yes
ME: Is Liam your favorite? (cousin)
OE: Yes
ME: Is Noni your favorite? (grandmother)
OE: Yes
ME: Is Grandpa your favorite?
OE: Yes
ME: Is Lailah your favorite? (sister)
OE: (pause) Um, No....
EVERY TIME!

self reflection

Self reflection is what the purpose of my blog was way back in the day.  I didn't really expect anyone to want to read it.  I still have pretty low expectations.  I fell out of the self expression game.  Then came facebook, where self expression comes in the form of memes and shared news stories.  It is much easier- very little effort is involved.

I've been going to Toast Masters meetings.  It's not because I have a deep desire to be a better public speaker, it is because I teach a class on public speaking and taking my students to these meetings gives them a chance to hear Americans speak on a variety of topics, and shows them what I expect from them.  Of course it doesn't hurt me at all to get paid for an hour of work I got some body else to do for me.

One of the speeches today was about the "Starving Baker"  The guy who gets so busy taking care of everyone else that he doesn't have time to eat, or take care of himself.  The girl who spoke said that she felt she had let herself get too busy, so she took a step back and determined to do somethings she wanted to do instead of only things she felt like she had to do.  One of the things she wanted to do was join Toast Masters (of all things) and the other was to take more time for self reflection through writing in her journal.

That reminded me that my poor blog was her languishing for years.  And maybe I could benefit from some self reflection too.

My reflection for today is this.  I really enjoy my job.  Teaching is fun, and getting to meet and talk to students from all around the world is interesting.  However, sometimes I wish I had a desk job.  I wish I could go to work and sit down with a cup of coffee and browse the internet for 20-30 minutes in the morning while I got settled.  I wish I could randomly, in between projects start reading about topics that interest me.  I wish I had time- time that I had to be sitting at my desk anyway, to look busy by writing on my blog about all the things that I learned about in the random reading I did on company time.

I know that's not very aspirational.  I don't want to be a boss- I don't want to be in charge- I just want to sit at a desk, do my work, waste some time and go home at the end of the work day without having to think about my work at all again until I get up and go back in the next day.

Sometimes I think I really should have been a librarian, but they don't get the awesome holidays that teachers get.

grading...grading

Some of my favorite sentences as I grade my final exams and tests:

A lot of house pets are eatable, so the human can care of them to eat them, and it depends on the society and the culture.
The last point is that servise pets are not for eat, but in some culture people grow pets for food.
When you want to talk with other people, a dog usually get ready to chat with you.
When you want to say some bad words or sentences to someone, a dog can become that person, it just listen, never say.
Pets and humans are friends, we should protect them.  We cannot hurt them.  If you always hurt them, you will hurt pet's heart.
On the other hand, pets responsibilities are greeting you when you come home, eating, barking, and peeing on your sofa.  That's it.

Manana

Yesterday my socks matched my outfit perfectly.  Unfortunately, they did not match each other. This is the story of my life at this time.  There is a mountain of laundry in the garage.  Most of it is clean, but heaped up in the corner.  We go out there and rummage though it every morning for socks and underwear.I need a new system.  D said, "If you can't keep up with the laundry, you should ask me for help."  I replied, "If you notice I can't keep up with the laundry, you should help."

EJ's socks never match.  Keeping up with a toddler's socks is near impossible. She takes them off and tosses them in random places, but never both of them in the same place.  I will find one in the car, another in the bathroom; one in the living room, another in her bed.  I'm doing well to give her matching shoes each day.

My little shoe princess... she is perfectly positioned to be that girl everyone, both guys a girls love because of her varied interests.  If you give her a choice between pink and any other color, she chooses pink.  If she sees something that sparkles or shines, it's hers.  If she sees a car or a truck, especially a monster truck (or as she calls it a "truckatruck) she goes wild.  If she had to choose between shoes and a truck I can't say I don't know what she would do.  She would take both, declaring them, "MINE!"

She used to be very interested in trains and planes.  Recently; however, she is concerned they are going to "get you."  By 'you' she means herself, but she's only two and pronouns are hard.  Her daddy says, "I'm going to get you!"  She says, "Daddy get you!"  = Daddy got me!  In the past we would hear a plane or train and I would say, "You hear that? What is it? It's a train/plane."  She would say, "Hear train/plane? It's a train/plane." Now when she hears a train or plane, she runs to me and says, "Train/Plane get you!" She's scared and worried.  I'm not sure why- I'm pretty sure she's never been close enough to a plane or a train to realize how big and (sort of scary) the really are.

She will also say, "Help you mama."  This is modeled after my question, "Do you want me to help you?"

This morning she picked up a banana and "Manana!"  Then she followed me around the house with the banana saying, "Mama, manana!"  Of course my thought was, "Mehnamehna ...do-do-do-do-do!"
I looked at her and said, "Say banana."
She said, "Manana."
Me: "Banana."
Her: "Manana!"
Me: "Ba-nan-a!"
Her: "Ma-nan-a!"
Me: "Banana."
Her: "Banana."
Me: "Good!"
Her: "My banana!"
Me: "Okay."
Her: "Manana!"
Me: "Fine."

The nice thing about personal blogging is that it is impossible to get off topic- because the topic is what ever I want!

first cold

I admit, it is kind of fun to have a cold spell here in North Texas, mostly because I know it won't last.  I'm also for it at the moment because this the first time I've felt cold in two years.  Last winter was so mild, and the winter before that I was pregnant, and I'm never cold and pregnant at the same time.

It's not quite as cold as foretold, which is also ok.  I was not looking forward to hosting an icy Thanksgiving.  Yeah- people are coming here, but no worries because I'm not in charge of the turkey- only the  bread and veggies.

D'Juan

I dreamed of another lost friend last night .... He was sweet as ever, but his name in my dream was "D'Juan" which seemed odd even in dream land. It was nice to see you again, it must have been the James Taylor and Olivia Newton John I've come across this past week.

Sweet Baby James

Was listening to James Taylor in the car today.  Remembering Hill Billy Mini Golf, Anna, and the less rule bound folks I was hanging out with the summer of 94.  

Dreaming

I dreamed last night of a long lost...  He asked why he wasn't satisfied in his life. Even though I haven't heard from or about this person in many years I gave his this advice... it's more fulfilling  to complete something important that needs to be done than it is to just do what you want all the time.  So spake the fortune cookie.  So- suck it up, and do something important.

Just preparing to vacuum (after D already picked up all the toys) got me out of breath and my heart pounding, (not from excitement, trust me.)  Oh- 8.5 months pregnant, I'm so over you.

I've got some kind of allergy/cold/flu crud.  Boo!

Baby Lailah, if you were waiting for me to finish your layette, I have half a bootie left- feel free to make your appearance any time now!

god head

In the past each time I had a dream I couldn't stop thinking about the next day or longer I would write it down so I wouldn't forget- so I could think about it later, or other people could think about it with me.  The I stopped writing things down- what a lazy habit to not write things down.  :0)

Here's the dream:  There was a scientific equation.  It was something commonly known, well accepted and simple.  I don't remember what the equation was, but something like E=mc2.

There was also an archeological discovery which was making news.  It was an enormous head of a statue of an ancient god.  Just the head was over two stories tall.  It was an unknown god.  In the eye of the statue a complex equation was carved.  Many linguists, cryptologists, scientists and mathematicians tried for many years to break the code and understand the equation.

Finally someone broke the code, and also understood that by combining the ancient complex equation with the modern simple equation there would be a massive leap in the course of human technology.  We would suddenly be far more advanced than we had ever dreamed of being.

End of dream.

So when I woke up I thought about implications of such an event.  What power might that person who broke the code possess?  How does the fact that the ancient code was written in the eye of a god factor into the story?

When I told D. his first question was, "What was the technological advance?"  Interestingly I understood that was a detail that wasn't actually important to the 'message' of the dream. However, it is very interesting to imagine what the advance could have been . . . space travel, advances in food production, longer lives . . .

Imagine what it could be, and imagine the one person who might have control over it world wide.

Imagine a false god giving information to a false prophet.

Imagine an antichrist with the future of mankind in his hands.

Just a note for posterity:  Disembodied heads- even if they are toys or ornaments creep me out. One of my former co-workers collects faces/heads and hands.  She has them hanging all over her house.  It's like a bunch of people looking at you and trying to grab you through the wall all the time.

We got everything moved into the house from storage last week.  There is no order here.  Once again there are boxes all over the place and I've run out of motivation to find places to put the stuff inside them.  Speaking of the stuff inside them . . . who has seven cake plates?  That would be me. I haven't even made seven cakes in the past 3 years.  I have six vacuum cleaners (I'm trying to remedy that situation) five blenders (I already got rid of two) two crystal trays, two beverage dispensers and several orderve platters, trays and multi tiered thingies. I have four or five sets of plates.  I am more excited about my two toasters because they are both pretty awesome for different reasons.  This is what happens when you walk around the store registering for wedding gifts willy-nilly.  I didn't think people would actually buy it all.

My exciting plans for the day include laundry, dishes, sorting and unpacking . . . chasing the toddler the whole time.

developmental delay

When EJ went for her 15 month checkup the doctor asked about her vocabulary.  The question was "Can your baby say 2 or more words that are not names of pets or family members?"  I said, "Yes."

Another question was, "When you throw or roll a small (tennis size) ball to your baby does he/she throw it back or does he/she hand it back?"  I said she hands it back.

The doctor said, "She doesn't throw it?"  
I said, "No, she either hands it back or kicks it."
Oh, she kicks it too?  That's good.  
Yes.
But no throwing?
No.
She should be throwing things by now. (Apparently this is a developmental delay.)
Well, I haven't really encouraged throwing things, I think it's a bad habit.
Uh- well maybe she could throw things outside.
Maybe.

I see she's starting to talk though?
Yes.
What does she say?
She says, "ball" and "shoe"  and "Noni"
What's "Noni?" 
Her grandmother.
No, that doesn't count. Does she say anything else?
She says "doggie."
Do you have a dog?
Yes.
I don't think that counts either.
OK.
Anything else?
I can't think of anything.

At the end of the appointment he says, "Okay, bye-bye!"
I say, "Oh, she says "bye" and "hi" and "good girl" and "no."
Well, you've just multiplied her vocabulary!

When we got home I realized she also says "apple" which means she hungry, or she sees food or drink of any kind.

Lately she's been saying "mo-mo"  I don't know what that means.

Sometimes she squeals, "ME! ME! ME! while we are praying and says, "Amen!" at the end.

Under the category of things that "don't count" she says, Mama, Dada, Noni, Bish (Buzz), Ouie (Louie), Owe-ee (Eowyn) and gogie (doggie).

Typical conversation with EJ:

Me: You want to give me a kiss?
EJ: No
Me: Are you a good girl?
EJ: Good girl.
Me: Can you say 'Amen'?
EJ: Me
EJ: Apple?
Me: Can you say 'Please'?
EJ: No
Me: Ok.

Bish-Bish

Last night I couldn't find Buzz to put him in his box.  I figured he just wanted to sleep outside.  This morning Louie was out barking at the neighbor's lawnmower. That's kind of strange, because usually he just alerts Buzz that there is something to be barked at, and Louie comes back in for a nap.

EJ was sleeping in.  I was trying to sleep in too, but Louie . . . the neighbor's lawn mower . . . 

When I got up I saw Louie sitting outside EJ's door, when he saw me he started whining and scratching at the door.  EJ was awake; she was in her crib squealing and giggling.  When I opened the door Buzz came racing out, followed by Louie. EJ was standing in crib saying, "Bish, Bish, Bish!"

"Bish" had found a bed under the crib and gotten shut in the baby's room all night.  I guess that's a good place for him.  EJ seemed to like it.

It's almost over

Tomorrow is my last day at work. I quit. I have a lot to do, but instead of doing it, I'm blogging about all of it.  I should be grading papers and organizing my grade book, marking tests, reading essays ... Cleaning my office, sorting though old papers.

I spend a lot of time avoiding those things and instead I troll Pinterest, and think about what I would like to do while I'm not working.  (Also avoiding thoughts of what I have to do.)

I have to pack up move and clean my apartment.  What a mess. My uncle looked at the new house and said "look at all the space!"  I know we have more than enough junk to fill it. No kidding

I need to decide where everything will go in the house, move everything around, clean, sort, organize...

Then there is storage and there we start all over again. Move, clean, sort, organize, find places... 

Blah.

Moving. ... Moving ... Moving!

The move has begun.  We are moving into Daniel's house.  He bought it when he graduated from college, and it has been a bachelor pad since then.  When we got married he came to my apartment and left the house as a rental property to his friends.  We were saving some money to pay off credit cards.  Now it is time to move back to the house and the condition of that place was terrible.  There is a jungle in the back yard, dirt and grime on every surface, a family of rats in the garage and general nastiness everywhere.  A bunch of people came over to clean yesterday and most of the situation has been remedied, but there is still a lot more to do.  We made it through first cleaning, now carpet cleaning and air duct cleaning, yard cleaning, second cleaning, packing, moving, apartment cleaning so that we can move on to unpacking, arranging and LIVING.

Moving is hard.

lazy days of summer ...

These are my "lazy days" of summer.  MIL says two toddlers are better than one, so as long as she has the cousin she prefers to take EJ too.  So, I get up at 6:30 and send baby and daddy on their way and I go back to bed.  I thought about not going back to bed this morning, but the bed won.  Then I thought that I should get up at 9:00, but the bed is really strong, so I finally won at about 9:45.  How great is that?

I got up and had a bowl of Coco Puffs, which I didn't have to share. (Not sharing food is such a rare occurrence these days it is notable.)  Then I spent 30+ minutes mindlessly looking at Pintrest on the iPad that is soon going the way of my lazy days (bye-bye.)

Blogging, howering, Bible reading and off to a meeting at work to say again bye-bye.

It was a hard decision, but I think it is the right one.  Our budget will be tight, but being home for EJ and the newbie will be great and having time to get settled in "the big house" will help me to feel more relaxed (I think.)

I'm sure not getting much done by way of packing around here.  C'est la vie.

Strawberries

Symbol of purity and sensuality, fertility and abundance, humility and modesty. The strawberry's fruit is made the symbol of perfect goodness because of its delicious flavor and fragrance. Strawberries have been associated with goodness and purity in Christian history. The strawberry was once believed to be a holy symbol of the Virgin Mary. In paintings of Mary, many artists used strawberries in the detail of the picture or as border.

Strawberries also symbolize love, happiness, and success. The shape of a strawberry is usually in the shape of a heart, giving it it's love symbol. Also, green means eternal, or eternity, so sometimes a strawberry can mean eternal love, happiness, or success.

http://symbolism.wikia.com/wiki/Strawberry

I like it.

I had a dream the other night that I was wearing a dress and I checked my legs to see how long my leg hair was (this is a typical anxiety dream for me) and when I looked at the back of my leg there was a really-really-really long one, which I pulled out.  When I looked at it though, it was actually an oak leaf.

Of course I thought, 'What the Heck!  Why was there an oak leaf growing out of my leg?' and 'This thing is huge! (I measured in my dream and it was about 8 inches long) How could I not notice this growing on my leg?'  Also, it was dead and dried and crunchy, so I knew it had been there a long time.

Is this just some commentary on how little I shave my legs?

I didn't think so, so I looked a few things up in the dream dictionary.

I admit that most of the time when I look things up in the dream dictionary I wonder where these symbol interpretations come from- some of them are so random and contradictory.

When I looked up the elements of this dream- I felt exactly the same thing, but maybe there's something to it . . .

I went to dreammoods.com.  Actually I went to Google and put in "dream tree parts on body" and I  got to dreammoods.com which informed me about trees in dreams, and parts of body in dreams, but nothing about when your body parts grow tree parts.

Here's what it said:

Oak Tree 
To see an oak tree in your dream symbolizes longevity, stability, strength, tolerance, wisdom, and prosperity. You have built a solid foundation for success in some endeavor.

Okay, so that's good.

To see a withered or dead tree in your dream indicates that your hopes and desires have been dashed. You are experiencing some instability and setback in your life. 

Not so good ehh?

To see your legs in your dream indicate that you have regained confidence to stand up and take control again. It also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life.

Good

If you are a woman and dream that your legs are hairy, then it suggests that you are too domineering. You may be overly controlling in a relationship.

Geeze

There were a bunch of baby dedications on mother's day at church.  For each baby they would say his/her name and the meaning of the name:
 Daniel means "God is my judge"

and less inspiring:

Shannon means "Little old wise one"

and then:

Eowyn means "Delightful war horse"

"She was also known as the Lady of the Shield-arm in recognition of her triumph over the Witch-king."

Just saying.

Happy weekend underdogs

DSM

Last week a friend asked if I wanted to go see "a musical" she had free tickets and was proposing a girls night out.    I said, "sure."

Yes, typical of me not asking, "what is the name?" or "where is it?" or "what's it about?" No, none of that,  I just heard "free" and said "okay."

We drove to Dallas, we went to Fair Park, she handed me a ticket for a Dallas Summer Musical Performance.  At that point I asked, "What are we seeing?"  Dallas Summer Musicals are, as far as I know, the "premier" shows in the DFW area.  I've never been to a DSM show because they are kind of pricey  and fancy- they are usually Broadway or Off Broadway shows.

Priscilla Queen of the Desert is showing this week.  I've heard of it, but I had no clue what it was about.  I vaguely thought of it as a comedy- that was all I knew.

I can describe that show as beyond outrageous.  I actually really liked the message.  The costumes . . . WOW.  The divas floating down from the ceiling . . . the giant glittery stiletto on the LED covered bus . . .  MacArthur's Park  and the cupcakes. . . I don't have the time or the words to discuss it all.

I recommend it to a crazy tall blonde with a microphone and a camera.  I don't know where that footage will end up, on the cutting floor I hope.

Awesome teacher

I just sent all my students to the library to "research" WWII.

Welcome end of term. The new session (part time for one month) starts Monday.

In other news, forget what I said about the dishes yesterday. They are All dirty now.

Dish problem

I have a problem with the dishes. The problem is they are dirty, and I have no inclination to wash them. It's not as bad as a few weeks ago when literally every spoon, fool, plate and bowl in the house was dirty, but its close. Ugh.

ESL

"For example, some sports are an expression for certain communities to show their ability for doing some thing. For example, Sumo in Japan are a good movement for fat people to earn money."

That is not where I was expecting that sentence to go.

back yard bliss

The majority of my blog views are from a country I don't recognize.  My excuse it that it is a tiny map, and I'm not particularly good with former soviet states.

Today I spent an hour plus sitting in the sun in the back yard.  After I threatened my small dog with death and he shut his barky trap- I could hear the leaves in the breeze and the birds rustling their feathers.  I could hear a woodpecker high up in the trees and I enjoyed the sounds of silence and two fuzzy little creatures sniffing around the yard.

I look forward to having a yard to dream about.  This is really the first yard I've rented.  I don't see much hope for a rented yard.  I can't dream of fairy gardens and vegetable gardens when I know they will only be short term.

My baby girl's first birthday was so sweet, and editing and printing and posting the pictures in on my list of things to do today while she spends the day with her grandmother.

Time to get started.

Fat Tuesday

Yesterday was Fat Tuesday- truthfully, all Tuesdays are Fat for me.  Today is the first day of Lent, but I'm postponing until Friday because the "fast" is sugar.  The goal is to avoid the most sugar I can.  When I tracked my calories I realized how much sugar I have each day- ALOT and that's without deserts and candy.  There's just sugar or high fructose corn syrup in almost everything!  So avoid as much as possible . . . after Valentine's Day. :)

Pinterest groupies

I'm not really sure why, but suddenly I get about 12 hits a day on my Pinterest food board.  I don't know how it got into a mainstream, but it looks like lots of peeps love it.  Maybe it's the vegetarians.

Most of my boards have 41 followers.  I suppose those are the people who just followed because Facebook asked them too.  (Some people are such followers, like me!)  Yesterday I had 51 food board followers.  Today I have 71 food board followers . . .  weird.

The good part is that when someone pins a recipe I am reminded that I did want to cook that . . . so I printed out a few of my recipes to cook tonight.

Like this one: http://www.kalynskitchen.com/2006/10/egg-muffins-revisited-again.html

Egg Muffins Revisited 
(Makes 12 muffins, recipe created by Kalyn with inspiration from The South Beach Diet book.

Ingredients:
15 eggs (for silicone muffin pans, use 12 eggs for metal muffin tins or individual silicone cups. You can use less egg yolks and more egg white if you prefer.)
1-2 tsp. Spike Seasoning (optional, if you have food allergies or don't have Spike, use any type of seasoning blend that's good with eggs.)
1-2 cups grated low fat cheese (I like sharp cheddar or a blend of cheddar/Jack cheese, use less cheese if using meat)
Optional, but highly recommended, 3 green onions diced small.
Optional: chopped veggies such as blanched broccoli, red pepper, zucchini, mushrooms, etc. (Using veggies will reduce the fat content)
Optional: diced Canadian bacon, lean ham, or crumbled cooked turkey sausage

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 375 F. Use regular or silicone muffin pan, 12 muffin size. If using silicone pan, spray with nonstick spray. If using regular muffin pan, put two paper liners into each slot, then spray liner with nonstick spray.

In the bottom of the muffin cups layer diced meat, if using, vegetables, if using, cheese and green onions. You want the muffin cups to be about 2/3 full, with just enough room to pour a little egg around the other ingredients. Break eggs into large measuring bowl with pour spout, add Spike, and beat well. (I used to add a bit of half and half or milk, but lately I like the way they turn out without it.) Pour egg into each muffin cup until it is 3/4 full. I like to stir slightly with a fork. Bake 25-35 minutes until muffins have risen and are slightly browned and set.

Muffins will keep more than a week in the refrigerator. Egg muffins can be frozen and reheated, but I like them best when they are just refrigerated. For best results, thaw in refrigerator before reheating. Microwave on high about 1-2 minutes to reheat.

skater girl wannabe

I try not to regret things.  If it has already past, let it go.  One thing I do regret though is not learning how to skateboard when I was a kid. Every time I see a skateboarder I think, that looks like fun, easy transportation.  Not that I would have wanted to be a skater chick- just utilitarian.  You don't have to strap on anything, you can carry it with you and it looks fun.  Now when I look at young people skateboarding  it looks hard to balance and turn and not fall off and faceplant. 

I admit I wouldn't be overly sad if it were 70 degrees  and sunny outside tomorrow.

Adventures in housewifery- that's a real word.  I looked it up.  The baby has precariously placed a mug on a stepping stool near the dog bowl so that she can push it over onto an unsuspecting, eating dog.  I see she just missed her chance.

The kitchen smells like vinegar  sheep, and cherry Kool-Aid.  This will teach me to buy superwash wool in the future. Ugh.

I'm dying yarn.  I do it every once in a while just to see what will happen.  This is my 7th attempt.   Some turn out better than others.  I'm making a baby sweater out of one of my creations.  I gave one ball away on a yarn swap.  I redyed one today because it didn't please me the first time.  The new one today . . . well I'm just not sure how that's going to turn out.

I read that white wool makes bright colors and grey/light brown wool will make deeper jewel tones.  I bought this wool yarn the other day in light brown imagining a deep/rich wine color with shades of ruby and deep pink intermixed.  What I think I'll end up with is a molten mess of mauve.  Not to worry I can always redye.

I washed the dishes today, which was about as far as my housewifery went.

I should have folded and put the laundry away, put in another load, vacuumed and organized one of the many projects I have to organize.  Pooh.

I didn't even get up til noon.  I blame the cold and flu meds.

A whole lotta WHAT!!!!?

I just found this in my comments:

Anonymous said...

Story about global warming again on the news.
The gods have the freedom to rapidly accelerate global warming because of unregulated Chinese industrialization. And they are using it.
Whereas US industrial regulation combined with automotive smog devices had contained emmissions, the shameful emmissions at the hand of the Italians which allocated the financing of chinese growth will ultimately kill our planet
The gods must abjectly hate the Italians:::They ruined our cultures, eliminating Old Worlds around the globe, they destroyed our societies and now they will be used to ruin the planet.
Intelligent design:::Everything the gods do has purpose. There was purpose in the Italian boot, the Scandanavian penis, the sheep of Europe and the SFBA Beast. Chinese/Asian slanted eyes is yet another. Designed to make them/some look evil, they are a warning to other races. What is occurring with enviornmental degredation is living proof and may be the reason why they have this appearance.
Never forget the shameful experience we each had in 2008 when the Chinese desperately tried to clean up the envionment in Beijing.

Recall the $5 trillion Republican scam where W set up the evil Democrats to sign the credit card receipt.
Expect some portion of the $5 trillion stolen from the United States creatively went to the Catholic Church, positioned to bitterly complain they lost their affluent white parishoners for poor Latinos and the US is all their doing anyways.
I always suspected there has been a skim on the US General Fund (1/3) all along. And the gods are using these clone host fakes to kill Planet Earth::::The puppeteer pulling the strings, ironically.

Jesus is a false god.
There is no Satan. The world around us is all the god's doing:::You have to be tested with temptation.
Christianity is a test.
Muslim misery? The gods claim they are trying to "help you". The gods control everything, choreograph all that we see, including Isreal's relationship with Palestine, an "obligation" for their money-grubbing acceptance of the Evil Empire's billions. They also control the Italians, victims of the Moorish invasion/rape of their women, positioned in charge of this false reality through Christianity.
The gods created all this to position this reality you experience today.
"Earning" is temptation. It is a lie leading people into Damnation. Any hope of the Muslim world regaining the power they once had is long since over and it will never, ever return. Their acts 0f terrorism are only hurting them in the eyes of the gods.
The gods claim they are trying to "help you", but they also stoked your pride with your regional superpower status of centuries ago, rendering their efforts today merely destructive, a very bad sign. This means the gods have major problems with your people.
Never forget:::The gods work in mysterious ways. A mortal trying to understand may envoke their wrath. You shouldn't need to.

I believe the gods relocated the Jews to another planet before the Holocaust began to give them additional time before Earth fell into the social decay Christianity and the United States is responsible for. I suspect this favor included some/many of the Native America peoples as well.
Unfortunately for Muslims you didn't have the favor necessary to be allowed such generosity. I believe it is due to your mysogyny, your belief women are inferior to the men. This does not include veiling, which is a positive for the people and helps maintain decency within your society.
Orthodoxy is always the best course of action because, as I have repeated, old is mostly good and a little evil, while new is mostly evil and a little good. This applies to Islam as well.

ART

I would like to have time to learn how to draw and paint.

A few years ago an friend and I decided we wanted to paint.  So we bought our (water color) paints, brushes and paper and set off on an adventure.  We went to Austin to paint the capital.  We went to San Antonio to paint the Alamo.  We were terrible.  Really- really terrible.

We decided maybe we should learn how to draw, then we'd paint what we could draw.

I know some people think that activities like drawing and painting are  talents, either you have them or you don't.  However, I think they can be learned.  Some people are obviously more adept at learning these skills than others, just like some people are better at learning languages, or math, or music.

We went shopping again.  We happily bought pencils, erasers, paper, more pencils, those little smudgy things, how to books etc.

I think we may have been more enamored with shopping for supplies than we were with the actual activity.

We went to parks and coffee shops and restaurants.  We drew trees and fruit and fence posts.  We were getting better.  We signed up for drawing class.  We were the only ones in there with no art back ground or ambition.

Our "not so bad" in the park was again terrible in the class.

We got busy and fell out of our drawing/painting habits. One day I asked her if she wanted to get together for drawing and she said "No. I'm not good at that.  I don't do it any more."

Oh.

What I think it really meant was, "I don't want to be your friend because I've decided other things and people are more important to me now."

It could have meant,"I have found other things I'm good and and would rather do, without you."

I wanted to say, "Can I have your art supplies?"  But I thought that might be rude.

I have often wondered what combination of events caused her to decide she didn't want to be my friend.  I know some of the elements.  I did some things wrong, but there must have been more.  Some poor council from people in bad situations, bad advice from people who didn't have the whole story.  Pride.

I tried a few times to get together.  Each time she politely excused herself.

I read an article a long time ago.  The idea of the article was that you should go ahead and do things that you know you aren't good at.  Keep doing them.  When you continue to practice doing things you aren't good at you will either eventually get good at it, or build humility and/or character as you come to understand how other people feel when they have to do things they aren't good at (maybe for their work or family obligations.)  If we always only do things we are good at we can get a sense of false pride, as though we were good at everything.  But we don't do everything, only the things we're good at.

I'm good at knitting, crocheting, sewing, embroidery, needle point.
I'm good at reading and writing.
I'm good at teaching and creating materials for the classroom.

I'm not good at drawing, painting, photography, design, or color work.
I'm not good at math or science.
I'm not good at sales, fund raising or pressuring people to change.

I'm good at some things.  Excellence . . . well excellence is something to keep working on.

My brother was an artist.  He was Excellent. He had a natural talent to look at a thing and recreate it.  When he got older he could look at a style and make his own creations in that style.  Later he learned many styles.  But he died young and I wonder where all that potential would have taken him.

Google

I think Google just read my mind.  It's creepy, how can a question about a banana lead to the condemnation of Google?

Like this:

Me: (to myself) Ummm . . .  banana for breakfast.  I wonder how man calories are in a banana.  I'll Google it.  (typing) C a l
Google: (predictive search) calories in a banana
Me: What!  How could Google know that was my question!? Do that many people want to know about calories in bananas?  Is Google Big Brother?  Is Google the Anti-Christ?  Oh NO!  Google I love you!  Please don't be evil!
Google: showing websites
Me: clicking first link
Site: "If you would like to find out how many calories are in a banana, then bingo, you have come to the best page online to get the answer to your question."
Me: Wow Google, you're awesome.

FYI small banana (6-7") = 90 calories
banana site

in the garden

EJ and I are out in the garden.  By "garden" I mean one dandylion, a pepper plant long considering making a pepper, a tomato plant trying it's hardest to produce two tiny tomatoes after a decidedly unfruitful summer, and my houseplants.  We like it anyway.  The weather if perfect for our fuzzy socks and hoodies.  She's already kicked one of her fuzzy socks off.


Monday I decided to go for a walk.  I put on my neglected Sketchers and set out.  I wasn't being too ambitious.  The plan was to walk for 15 minutes out
and turn around.  A 30 minute walk in the sunshine with my headphones, all alone (which doesn't happen often.)  First thing was no signal on my phone.  I was trying to listen to internet radio, but alas it was not to be.  I kept going. My shoes were rubbing a little, but no biggie.  13 minutes in the bubble burst. Sketchers put the B in blister.  A raw one.  I hobbled home.

That's one way to start an exercise program.  I pulled the bandage off last night.  It looked raw, but I figured some air would help.  This morning it was tight and quite painful.  So I'm back to my Birks and fuzzy socks, and I don't even care.  I know how tacky it is, but don't knock it until you try it.  It is, as a matter of fact, awesome.  Awesome like sitting in the "garden" with my baby girl.

Traffic posting

Of course there's traffic on the day I leave late.  I have so many ideas i can't wait till i get to a computer.

The other day I was driving through town when I saw two shiney black Crown Vics- blacked out police cars.  I knew they were police cars because of the grill guard, the robust antena and the black on black paint that said "POLICE"  down the length of the cars. It was like saying, "We are police, and we are letting you know, but we don't want you to know."

It reminded me of a time I saw a similar thing, except the cars weren't completely blacked out, the windows weren't tinted, so when we looked inside we saw five large men wearing ski masks.  It was disconcerning, but then one of them leaned forward so that we could see the POLICE badge across his back;I felt we might not die that day.

It also reminded me of the "G-car" conversations I used to have with T many years ago. The conversations generally went something like this:

T: (Pointing out a car) G-car.
Me: It's just a Buick.
T: G-car.
Me: How do you know it's not just some granny who drives a Buick?
T: G-car.
Me: How do you know?!
T: Look at it!  It's a G-car, driven by a G-man.
Me: I don't believe you.
T: I know a G-car when I see one.
Me: Whatever.

Two hours later-
T: (Pointing out a car) G-car.
Me: It is not!
T: That's a G-car if I ever saw one.
Me: Stop it!
T: G-car.
Me: (glaring)
T: G-car.

Is that really a conversation? 

That reminded me of other declarations he would make which were ahead of thier time.

We are sitting in a movie theater waiting for the show to start:

"Do you see those Exits?"
"Yes"
"If someone comes in to kill us they will come from the left."
"What, Why?!"
"So you will need to try to get to the right."
"What are you talking about?!"
"There's no light behind that door.  Don't try to go through the lobby, they might try to block it, but that door on the right exits to the parking lot. It's lit."
"Why would someone come in to kill us?"
"I'm not saying they will."
"You just said if they come in I should go to the right exit."
"You should, if they do."
"WHY would anybody DO that?"
"I don't know!  Maybe they are crazy! I'm not crazy, I don't know why crazy people do crazy things!"

Yeah, that sounded absured until  the Aurora, CO situation. Sadly, context has been given.

Planning a flight:

"Oh- I don't like those planes."
"Why not?"
"Look where the exits are.  Do you know how easy it would be to highjack that flight, and hold this whole section hostage?  They would only need a few highjackers, and just one gun really."
"So, I shouldn't take this plane?"
"No, you can take this plane, it's fine- you should sit here because you can see everything clearly, and you can respond."
"Respond to what?"
"The threat."
"What threat? You think there's going to be a threat on this plane?"
"No."
"What's wrong with you?!"
"You should wear shoes with good soles."
"What are you talking about?"
"In case you crash, and need to hike out."
"Stop talking."

Thinking about those conversations made me wonder what kind of stuff he came up with post 9/11/01.

9/11 made me think about Crazy Betty, but there's not time for that now.

We watched "The Book of Eli" last week.  It made me wonder about an uncertain future without books. It doesn't have to be  Fahrenheit 451.  It could just be the end of the love of books in paper form.  I was at the bookstore yesterday.  I was there to work, but of course I took a few minutes to brows the shelves.  I Love Books. I like how they look, I like how they smell.  I like how they feel heavy in my hands.  I like what's in them (mostly.)

The problem is that I've given in the the convenience of the digital book.  I also love my Kindle.  (Little "l" love.) I love that I can carry a library in my bag.  I love that I can read War and Peace or Les Miserables (or more likely Harry Potter) and my hand won't go numb trying to hold up the volume.  I like the built in dictionary and I really like the idea of many of the other features that I never use.  I love that many titles are cheaper than (or free)  the paper version.  There's a lot to love about e-readers.

But I still love books, Beautiful picture books and substantial leather bound, gold leaf books.   I've been working on the same (paper) book for about 8 months now.  It's not the most interesting book, but it's not bad.  Reading for work, life and laziness keep me from it, from many books that I really want to read!

Someone I used to work with decided after she had depleted a LONG maternity leave-vacation-sick days that she couldn't bare to go back to work full time so she quit.  Not, however, before she made a big mess of her job, which greatly effected other's jobs, including mine in a negative way.

Several people questioned her, asking if she was sure that was the right choice for her, "oh yes, yes it is the best choice, how could I leave my precious little one in the hands of a stranger?  She's only 9 months old!"  Yes, 9 months, that's how long the part time- maternity leave-vacation-sick days went on.

One well intentioned person even told her not to do it.  She warned she had done it herself and found not everyone is cut out to be a stay at home mom.  She was told the choice had been made.  Others were told that "That woman should mind her own business."

Two weeks later she called the director asking for work.  That was two weeks into interviews to replace her.  She said she and her husband had already arranged their schedules so that she could come back as a full time (9-1) instructor. (That's my job.)  Did she know that if she simply "came back" that either my co-worker or I would lose our jobs? Did she care?

I would have been mortified to come back asking for a job, on principle considering how strongly she insisted she was making the right choice.  More so in that she left the place in a shambles.

I wonder if she even realized what she had done.

I thought before that she was a very self centered person.  The kind of person who tells everyone else how it is, but when someone speaks their mind back, she got of the defense.     I thought when she left that she had never seemed to be the stay at home type.  But I also thought that I didn't know her so well, so figuring she knew herself I didn't say anything.

I think I know myself pretty well.  I've been working part time since May.  I love it.  I think it's perfect really.  I get some time to spend with the baby, I get some time to spend with adults.

I think I could be happy as a stay at home mom.  I have so many things to fill my time.  The time that is that is not filled with the baby.  She leaned to stand, cruise and make funny sniffy noises last week.  She got her first tooth.  She loves her high chair and I love to watch her eat Cheerios. She concentrates so hard to get that little "o" between her finger and her thumb, then while it is still as far away from her mouth as her little arm can reach, she opens her mouth and slowly brings her treasure to her tongue.

I'll be going back full time in January.  It will be hard.

Here's what's happened in the last few days.  Sweet Pea has learned how to go from a crawling position to a sitting position, and she's learned how to pull herself up.  I told D. I thought she was a little a head on the crawling.  The baby sites say she may start crawling by 7 months.  So, she was a month early, so what.  This pulling up thing though- I don't remember reading about that yet.  It's great, but it means a lot of things have to change and quick.  The crib mattress needs to be lowered, so she won't fall out.  Everything needs be put up higher, because now she can reach everything on the sofa, the first and second shelves, the foot stool and the chairs.

She's sleeping on the floor now.  When I put her in the crib for a nap she sat up and looked at me like, "I think I can get out of here."

I also learned what "cruising" means in baby vocabulary.  That's when they move around a room going place to place holding on to something to help them balance.  She's also cruising.

I often dream of running, not from anything, just running to get places or for fun.  I wish that were really in my temperament.

I've declared Mondays for me. The  baby is with Noni and I'm going to try to sign up for a class.  The first class is Hula Hoop for the young at heart. (That means old people, ie me!)  It only meets four times. After that I'll start something new- or maybe dedicate that time to finishing something old.

Monday evenings I will attend a woman's Bible study on Esther.

Other Monday activities will include school work and house work.  Blah.

I've discovered I can't really use my office more than on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I never know when Steve will be there.
It should be only a few months until Steve will move over to the "adjunct office" and I will be labeled "core faculty."
It will be hard to leave my baby everyday!

EJ got up on her hands and knees yesterday and started rocking.  When I put her down she's no longer in that same place when I come back.  She's not crawling yet, but she's scooting around on the floor and rolling until she finds herself someplace interesting.  She can sit up by herself now.  She'll still fall over, but she doesn't seem to mind when she does, because that gives her a chance to scoot and roll.  

Time to baby proof.