to prove i haven't just been sitting around doing nothing . . . here are a few vaca pics- and some project pics to boot!

I made this pink elephant over a year ago. I looked at the finished project in the pattern book and immediately thought, 'that is pretty ugly.' I don't remember what ever possessed me to decide to make one. Did I think I could make it cuter than the one in the book? (Well, if I do say so myself, some times I do make things cuter than the originals, not often, but it has happened.) Did I decide to make one of everything in the book? What I on some kind of cheap crack? I DON'T KNOW! Needless to say my elephant turned out equally as ugly as the ones in the book.

The heads of everything this designer makes are crazy big. It's for the effect I know. They are supposed to look exaggerated and cartoonish. But the head on this pink elephant is HUGE. Also, it's trunk is kind of phallic looking. It has 'crazy eyes' staring wildly- like it's on cheap crack (where is all this cheap crack coming from? I think my dog might be a drug runner.)

I tried to make her cute. I gave her a little scarf, a skirt, some bows for her ears. Still ugly. She's been lurking in my closet all this time, because I didn't dare put her with the bag of cute things that I've made. I didn't want homely to rub off. I took her out of the closet today. I painted her finger/toe nails. Which is to say I painted some finger/toe nails on. I gave her eyelashes, blush, a little heart on the end of her trunk, and another one on her little butt. She's still not so cute. However, she's trying really hard, and that counts for something.

You know what? Not everyone is cute. That's just life. Some folks are homely, and you just got to love the cute into them. It's a proven fact that the more you love someone the better that person looks. It's also a proven fact that the drunker you are the better some people look, but I digress . . .
Sometimes you can look at a not-so-beautiful (physically) person, you may notice some attempts on that person's part to look better. A hair do/cut clothes, make up- whatever. We should love them more for trying to look better, because most of us know we aren't beautiful- even beautiful people sometimes think they aren't beautiful- so it's good when someone notices you've made an attempt to look better.

Boo- my last real vacation day is over. It was too short. I could do with another week or two. I occasionally think I should become a real teacher so I can have the whole summer off.

Speaking of being a 'real' teacher. I was informed in the last faculty meeting that I am Not a professor. Only PhD's are professors. I am an instructor. Again, Boo. I always thought of 'Professor' as a title substitute for those who don't have PhD's. If you have a PhD you are "Dr. So-and-so." If you don't you are "Professor So-and-so." Wrong!

Not that it matters, I never had my students address me as Professor, I never introduced myself as professor. I never tell people I'm a "professor." But all that's not the point.

In other useless news- I am a total failure at making doll clothes. What this means is that I have a whole passel of nekkid dolls hanging out in my apt. Some of them even have little tushies and "lady parts" which really should be covered up.

My dog is so lazy. He just got out of bed to walk four feet and lay down.

Next he walked over to his food bowl and looked at it like, "What? This again?!"

Poor darling.

I think my left shoulder is tanner than my right.

I really should be on twitter.

I have vacation things to talk about- really, I'm just working up to them.

I went to the chiropractor today. He told me I'm too straight. Then he told me other parts were too crooked, on account of my neck being too straight. It seems that one's neck is supposed to be at a 30 degree angle on your spine. Mine is at a 1 degree angle. He said to compensate for my straightness, my mid and lower back got crooked. That doesn't seem fair to me.

He said that all my life's woes can be blamed on my too straight/too crooked spine. Allergies, digestive problems, of course neck and back pain, leg cramps etc.

If only I had a curvy neck and a not crooked back.

My life would be better- so says the chiropractor.

He says he can fix me for the low cost of 60 visits at the value of $2600.

Wow.

yeah.

Actually I believe him.

I might do it- go on a payment plan. Get my neck curved.

I've made some dolls since I got back from my vacation-a-thon. My only consolation is that 70% of other dolls from the same pattern are uglier than mine.

I took some pictures of #1. I want to call her Latoya because she's so white, her nose is very pointy, she has (had) so much hair her neck was bending back, her eyes are a little wonky and she's somewhat lose jointed. However, she's still cuter than 70% of the other dolls from the pattern I've seen.

I decided to make a #2 to see what I could do better. She got better fingers and toes. One eye is better, the other one- still wonked out. Her nose is much improved. I haven't jointed her yet,but I've planned a different method. Her hair is not quite so heavy. She's looking good. I think I can put her at a strong 75%

I've started talking to myself about #3- What can I do about those eyes? Gotta change the fingers, it took an hour to get those fingers turned on #2.

After that- well, I'll have a collection of nekkid dolls sitting around- so I should make some clothes for the girls.

I would post some pics- but don't have the card reader on hand. Laters.

I've lead my students in studying the turbulent 1960s- focusing on the assassination of JFK. We went to talk to local author, Jim Marrs, to learn what his ideas were on the topic. He's a conspiracy theorist- and I think my students really enjoyed hearing from him. I know I did. He thinks pretty much all the important/powerful people in the country wanted JFK dead- and Dallas was their last chance to get him before re-election year when security and media coverage would increase. Oswald was a patsy- even a composite- a spook or two who was sacrificed for the plan. There's a six hundred page book called Cross Fire to explain it all.

I feel like a workaholic. Why can't I be some fun kind of aholic?

There is no pleasure in grading poorly written reserch papers, cover letters, resumes, essays, summeries, outlines and other stuff. Ok, there is some pleasure when they write something funny, but nothing funny has come up in a long time.

People who don't listen to directions should fail.

FAIL!

Now I know why old teachers were always so crabby.

my "He solves problems" poster is missing- poo!

While I'm still in love with tomatoes- I am also now fascinated with Giant Squid- aka Kraken!

A quote I found while researching:

"The male giant squid has to use a puny 15-gram brain to coordinate 150 kilograms of weight, 10 metres of length and a 1.5-metre-long penis... He physically plunges this penis into the female's arms, which are rather unfortunately right next to her beak. Because he is coordinating so much with so little, I think occasionally bits get chewed off when they inadvertently get too close to the beak."

And now I will go watch Pirates of the Caribbean 2

Oh yeah- and angler fish too! Saw an interesting picture of a blob fish while researching that- would you believe I have a knitting pattern for a tomato, an angler fish (with or without parasitic
male) and a kraken all in one book?

Knitting can be so educational.

Utter update: On the vocabulary test studens had to write a sentence using some word- Utter:
She uttered the secret that Mike only has one testicle.
Well yes, I suppose you can use it in that sentence . . .

I'm having an allergic reaction- I think. I'm itchy all over. I didn't know if it is allergies, dry skin or nerves. I put on lotion and took some benadryl. Now I smell good and I'm a little loopy, but I don't itch any more.

It seems I've been feeling exceptionally British lately. I've been eating grilled tomatoes and baked beans in combo- which is what I was served several times for breakfast abroad.

I bought these jello pudding singles at the 99c store the other day. Fascinating . . . there is something fundamentally against nature and inexpressibly wrong about them, and yet they are also delicious and greatly intriguing!

Pudding singles

I have a moth infestation- that is not cool with me. It's like they appear out of nowhere! I kill at least two every day! That may not seem like alot, but when's the last time any of you have killed two moths a day in your house/apartment? FOR MONTHS! (This question only applies to people who do not live in the 3rd world) What the heck? What are they doing? Why are they plaguing me!? Where do they come from? What do they WANT!? I feel like a crazy person following them around trying to smack them down. (The are surprisingly agile and hardy.)

I had a car infested with sugar ants once. It was awful, but only lasted for about an hour, a very important hour- While I can swear it really happened, all the facts seem to point to a nervous imagination at work during a driving test.

I had a class room infested with gnats once. It was like teaching in a psycho ward. It was a dimly lit room, so standing in the front I couldn't see the gnats, but the students were all out there swatting at the air and smacking the desks with zeal. Once I figured out what was going on it was less disconcerting, but still- it's hard to stay on track in that kind of bedlam.

With review like this, I have no choice but to buy this book:
"If you like crocheting food, you won't be disappointed with this book."

I guess I like crocheting food, (seems more disturbing when I actually put it in print) but heck this would just be an awesome coffee table book!

randomly she would like to point out:

There's a student in my graduate class that goes on and on about how stupid blogs, facebook and twitter are. "Who cares what you had for lunch?" she questions. Obviously people do care. I'm not sure why- they just do some times. I told her that occasionally I have something interesting to say on my ancient outdated blog. Like about the time I saw that monkey doing push ups on the street . . . then I thought, no, actually I don't think I ever did write a blog about that.

I have my students in IEP (English program) reading Blink. They have to read it, summarize it, present it, come up with vocabulary for it and we discuss it in class. We are sure to be sick of it by the end of the month. Because I have the highest level class, I normally never get the funny stories of students misusing words or phrases like the lower level teachers. On Friday, however, I got a good laugh. The students had come up with a vocabulary worksheet which included the words "badge" and "utter" (adj). There was a fill in the blank exercise and the sentence was, "They were checking every one's ___ before they came in." One student said "utters." I started laughing and they didn't see why that wrong answer was so funny. I had told them that "utter" (adj) meant completely and that utter (v) meant to say something. I hadn't mentioned that udder (n) meant cow tits. I didn't think it would come up in conversation. I'm often wrong.

I watched The Red Shoes Diaries last night- I don't think I would have finished it if it hadn't been for David Duchuvney. I tried to decide why I've always thought he was so dang cute. I don't normally go all weird about movie stars- ok yeah Brad Pitt is handsome, but whatever-ehh. Robert Redford- yes. Christopher Reaves yes. That vampire kid with the messy hair- ehh. Any way- I'm going to say his lips and maybe his hair. I don't know.
The movie was terrible. The characters were too intense. They weren't believable. I don't recommend it unless you want to see some David eye-candy too. To give away the whole thing- to save 1 hour and 45 minutes of your life-
Two young professionals are in love. They live together, share everything together, know all the secrets of each other- the woman feels she has given away all her secrets- so she has an affair with a shoe salesman (he's a very hot shoe salesman.) She realizes her mistake, she tries to break it off, but the shoe guy is too intense, he loves her (although he doesn't know her name) he must have her. She can't deny him. So she kills herself. Then poor David, the fiance who finds her body and doesn't understand, finds her diary and reads about the whole affair. He finds the shoe guy, he challenges him to a game of basketball (I don't know!) First David is winning, then shoe guy- finally shoe guy finds out that his lover is dead so he punches out David. David places an add in the news paper for women to send him their diaries so that he can understand his loss.

Blah.

I steamed a cake in the crock pot tonight. Just to see what would happen. It's weird. Not bad, just weird.

I crocheted a pear this weekend.

Seems like I had something important to say, but I can't think of anything important at all.

I had cheesy spaghetti for dinner because I didn't have any elbows and I didn't want to eat anything red. (Except Kool-aid)

I've decided to stop buying nonperishable foods. Not forever, just until I run out of what I have. I have alot. I waste alot of food. So-it's me and the cheesy spaghetti .

I put my plastic blender container in the dishwasher. It was not dishwasher safe. Now the lid doesn't fit. Drat! I have to put plastic wrap on it when I want to blend. I blend at least twice a week lately.

View Larger Map

That, my friends is a 48 hour drive. To what purpose one might ask? Well, it started out with Mt. Rushmore. Then it was "I wonder what's in Fargo?" Then it was "Wow! The biggest Holstein statue IN THE WORLD is in ND!" Then it was, "That's not all, there is also the Enchanted Highway." Then I thought, 'after I drive through all the amazingness which is the Mid-West, I should see something pretty- in CO. Amarillo is quirky.' Will I actually make this trip? I don't know. Is it a good idea? Probably not, but who can confine themselves to live life on only what appears to be good ideas?

Unfortunately I write more in my imagination than I do in reality. The blog in my head is awesome.

In my imagination I have time and inclination to write more, my butt isn't tired of sitting here and I don't have so much work to do outside of class . . . pooh.

The last few projects I've finished: a chicken/egg toy, a rabbit toy, a "happy poo(p)" toy and some ambivalent pee and a fertility doll. Seems like a pattern to me. I'll have to get some pictures- I understand some of those things might be hard to imagine in yarn form.

I've been reading Trixie Belden- she's like Nancy Drew, but less cool I suppose. The books were written starting in the late 1940s and continued on for a while I suppose- there are 38 or more books. I used to read them when I was a kid- I think my mom used to read them when she was a kid- and she bought them for me at garage sales when she would find them.

They are so wholesome- all the kids are super nice boys and girls- who also happen to solve mysteries. I don't know if I know what's going to happen from the beginning because they are very childish stories or if I somehow remember them- I'm sure I read most the 38 available.

Back to Trixie- I have the first three books and #10. I think I'll look for the last book in the series so I will know how it ends- no use reading them all again! :)

Your Result: 100% Texan

You have scored the highest Texan percentage available. Your mother should be proud. Go ahead and call her, I'll wait. Anywho, go eat some chili, ride a longhorn and pick some blue bonnets because Texas is just that great. PROUD TEXAN!!!!!

HA! Take that!

Now I have to go to Walmart for a victory lap!

Actually I guess on about 1/3 of the question . . . Where is Big Red bottled? What is the state bird? What city is Blue Bell ice cream made in? I don't know, I just eat the ice cream and make sure the birds don't eat my dog.

I just had an epic battle with a hundred million roaches.

hyperbole

I won of course, but it was disconcerting none-the-less.

Good thing the bug guy is coming tomorrow.

They were all in the dining room- weird.

I'm gonna blame it on the neighbor.

Why else would I have roaches in the dining room but not the kitchen?

Eww- I have to go wash my hands again.

Martha Stewart's dogs have their own blog.

I'm just saying.

Do people actually have time to read what somebody thinks a dog would write if it had, you know, thumbs?

It's difficult to comprehend.

Martha's dogs have a higher readership than most blogs I'd guess.

I showed my grammar class a picture like this one and said, "Who is this?" They came up with "White Snow and the seven short people."

Yeah- that made me happy. I should ask those types of questions more often, but they do lead to long conversations about dwarfs and midgets and human growth hormone . . . bother.

The colors are a bit off from the true- it's really hard to take a picture of that red for some reason. Must be haunted. MATER IS WAITING FOR YOU!

 
 
 
 

I crocheted myself a tomato- turns out he's not psychotic at all. I tried. I made him one giant-crazy eye. Then I thought for sure he needed two giant-crazy eyes, but when I put them on they weren't right at all. One giant crazy eye was slightly larger than other giant-crazy eye, they didn't look right with or without eyelids . . . so in the end my little tomato got two cute little embroidered eyes- like monkey eyes. (If you can imagine.) That wasn't enough so he also got a cute little button nose. What a cute little innocent tomato- like the tomato next door. It's too dark to take a picture.

I also finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows today. Very dramatic. I also went to Goodwill. I bought three dresses two skirts and six dog toys for about $35.00. What a deal.

Fruit or vegetable?

Botanically, a tomato is the ovary, together with its seeds, of a flowering plant: therefore it is a fruit or, more precisely, a berry. However, the tomato is not as sweet as those foodstuffs usually called fruits and, from a culinary standpoint, it is typically served as part of a salad or main course of a meal, as are vegetables, rather than at dessert in the case of most fruits. As noted above, the term vegetable has no botanical meaning and is purely a culinary term. Originally the controversy was that tomatoes are treated as a fruit in home canning practices. Tomatoes are acidic enough to be processed in a water bath rather than a pressure cooker as "vegetables" require.

This argument has had legal implications in the United States. In 1887, U.S. tariff laws that imposed a duty on vegetables but not on fruits caused the tomato's status to become a matter of legal importance. The U.S. Supreme Court settled the controversy on May 10, 1893 by declaring that the tomato is a vegetable, based on the popular definition that classifies vegetables by use, that they are generally served with dinner and not dessert (Nix v. Hedden (149 U.S. 304)).[31] The holding of the case applies only to the interpretation of the Tariff Act of March 3, 1883, and the court did not purport to reclassify the tomato for botanical or other purposes other than for paying a tax under a tariff act.

Tomatoes have been designated the state vegetable of New Jersey. Arkansas took both sides by declaring the "South Arkansas Vine Ripe Pink Tomato" to be both the state fruit and the state vegetable in the same law, citing both its culinary and botanical classifications. In 2006, the Ohio House of Representatives passed a law that would have declared the tomato to be the official state fruit, but the bill died when the Ohio Senate failed to act on it. However, in April 2009 a new form of the bill passed, making the tomato the official fruit of the state of Ohio. Tomato juice has been the official beverage of Ohio since 1965. A.W. Livingston, of Reynoldsburg, Ohio, played a large part in popularizing the tomato in the late 1800s.

Due to the scientific definition of a fruit, the tomato remains a fruit when not dealing with US tariffs. Nor is it the only culinary vegetable that is a botanical fruit: eggplants, cucumbers, and squashes of all kinds (such as zucchini and pumpkins) share the same ambiguity.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomato

I learned today: Potatoes and tomatoes are related- also related to tobacco and eggplants and belladonna (deadly nightshade) I just like to say DEADLY NIGHTSHADE!

I heard long ago that Europeans used to grow tomatoes for decorative plants, but thought the fruit was poisonous- well I see why now- what with the DEADLY NIGHTSHADE!
There is a resemblance.

I learned something else too- but I've already forgotten what it was. Must be old age or DEADLY NIGHTSHADE!

It seems I have some unusual fascination with tomatoes, but its not new- I'm sure I've written at least one other lengthy blog about tomatoes- (DEADLY NIGHTSHADE)

I'm still really excited about my plants- hope they live all summer! *DEADLY NIGHTSHADE

Wish I had a garden.


deadly nightshade!

Jesus even loves psychotic tomatoes

I didn't make this, but I want to make one now . . .

My students, being my ever present news source told me to be careful about swine flu-Well, acually they said "Sween flu" to which I negotiated out the understanding of Swine- you man like a pig? Pork? Yeah- SWINE like FINE- ok, I'll watch out for pigs, and recently returning Mexicans- One student said her mother called her to see if she was ok from the tornado- (we had a tornado?) and the swine flu--

In other news- maybe Jesus did die on a Wednesday- I just read an article all about how the pope and the Pharisees conspired against us to mislead us into Sunday worship and a "good" Friday. Don't worry the author assures us we will still go to heaven even if we are wrong.

http://ad2004.com/prophecytruths/Articles/Prophecy/3days3nights.html

Uh- I've just been informed that blogging is so out of fashion and I should be "twittering" pshaw!

I noticed that my tomato blossoms closed up last night- which made me wonder if tomatoes were night shades, which made it look it up, which lead me to this poster . . . I don't think I agree.

But they are night shades.

my tomato plants have blossoms-I find that strangely exciting

I just finished making a baby blanket- for no baby in particular

I made a six month resolution to stop buying yarn- one month down

I'm reading Harry Potter 6- but I'm having a hard time remembering 5- geeze how long ago was that?

my mouth wants something salty, but my stomach couldn't care less

it's really hard to teach a class of five students- we just rattle around in our tomb of a classroom

speaking of tombs- the fact that the preacher mispronounced sepulcher on Easter Sunday still makes me smile- not so much that he mispronounced, but how he made it sound- saPLECKer it wasn't an accident- he meant to say it that way. For all I know that's how it's pronounced in the original Latin- but the non-standard-ness of it . . . well :)

he also said Jesus must have died on Wednesday- that's counter-culture and new to me, but some other people seemed to think it was A-okay- something about the Passover sabbath being special or different etc. I'm not sure I buy it. maybe I'll look into that.

http://theliterarylink.com/mangostreet.html

I had my students do an assignment based on this free style poem. They did awesome jobs. It made me want to write one using the same criteria that I gave them. They were supposed to use this writing as model, and write about their names, how they got them, what they mean, how they feel about them, similes, metaphors and stories. Wow. I was impressed. I wish I had more time to think about it and write one now- alas, it is bed time.

I will however post about the bluebonnets which I wrote about over the weekend and didn't publish.

Pk and I went to take pictures of/with the blue bonnets a few weeks ago. Sadly, the blue bonnets were kind of anorexic looking at that time, while now they are looking rather robust. In years past, however, the blue bonnets have been known to curl up and die after a month- so we felt we had to act fast. They had started appearing two weeks before we went, we didn’t want to miss out on the event. We were pre-emptive.

We drove around looking for the best blue bonnets. We were sorely disappointed at the lack of blue bonnets at the Cedar Hill State Park. Although, since we were there already, we had a little look-see around. There’s an old farm on the park property. I guess it’s there to show all the city-folks how farms look . . . anyway- there are several barns, sheds, store houses- and other farmish architecture. What do I know- I never lived on an actual farm. I did briefly live with my grandparents in a semi-farm-like environment.

We read the sign about the barn, we went in the barn. The barn had been built during WWII and was constructed out of some older structures, a log cabin and an old one room school house. The sign asked if we could find the older structures within the larger structure- yeah sure, not that hard. The school house had a door at the front and a window on each side. The door was locked. The window on my side was closed but not locked. I decided to open it and peek inside.

Inside it was dark, very dark, even though the window on the other side was open. It was creepy dark. Being that it was so dark, and that I am so nosy, I stuck my head in the window to see more darkness. That’s when I heard it. It was a – well- defiantly a snort. A snort from something with a rather large nose. It didn’t register at first- I don’t know, maybe I thought PK did it- not that her nose is especially big, but when you’re all into the adventure of dark-school-house-barns of WWII . . . some things just slip by I guess. To punctuate the situation, IT snorted again. I got it that time.

SOMETHING was in the school/barn! I snapped my head out of there, closed the window and bolted it. I didn’t squeal until I heard IT shuffle around in there. How fast can Shannon get out of a state park barn? Dang fast!

PK and I discussed the possibilities of what IT might have been. A cow? It was a barn- but also a state park- would the state really leave an animal in the barn without any warning? The other window was open, maybe a wild animal got in there, maybe a crazy person was living in the barn/school! Strangely enough, it didn’t bother us much once we were out of the barn, except I refused to walk through the barn again on our way out.

As for the blue bonnets, we found some acceptable ones on private property a little farther down the road, just across the road from the pet cemetery. While we were in the area we stopped by to see who was at the cemetery. We saw But-But, Poopie Baby and Dumper. Some people name their animals very literally.

 

Just to be safe.

I heard Abraham Lincoln was a depressed racist who wanted to send all the former slaves back to Africa.

Just saying . . . I prefer summer storms to Lincoln and outhouses. Spring storms are also good.

The blue bonnets are lovely now. More on that later.

In class last week we read this poem,
http://www.internal.org/view_poem.phtml?poemID=109
“Out- out-” by Robert Frost.

First I asked, “What is the story about?”
They said, “We don’t understand.”
I said, “Look at the first line, where is the setting?”
They said, “We don’t know what it means.”
I said, “Look at it, it says, “The buzz saw snarled and rattled in the yard.” Where are they?"
They said, “What’s a buzz saw?”
This is where it started getting out of hand.
Me: "It’s a motorized saw."
Student 1 : "I don’t know what it is."
Me: "It’s a saw that has a motor, it runs on gas so you can work faster.”
Student 1: "No, I don’t know."
Me: “A chain saw, a motor saw, it makes a sound like “Buzzz!” Texas Chain Saw Massacre?” (Insert miming a chainsaw action)
Student 1: “No.”
Me: “Okay never mind, it’s a saw with a motor, that’s all.
Student 1 talks to Student 2.
Student 3: “I don’t understand, what is a saw?”
Me: (thinking) Déjà vu!
Me: “It’s a tool you use to cut down trees."
Student 3: “What is ‘cut down trees’?”
Me: (thinking) What have I been doing all semester? Do I actually teach English?
Me: “Trees are made out of wood, when you want to use the wood you have to kill the tree and ‘cut it down.” It falls down, then you cut it into pieces to use it.”
Student 1: “I got it!”
Me: “What?”
Student 1: “Buzz saw, chain saw, Texas Chain Saw Massacre!”
Me: “Okay, good.”
Insert translation of “Texas Chain Saw Massacre” into French, where it sounds much less gory.
Student 3: “Oh! It is logical, it makes that sound, so it has that name.”
Student 1: “It isn’t logical! You don’t name things for the way they sound . . .”
I left the room, the conversation was making me thirsty.
I came back and said, “Okay, does everyone know what a ‘buzz saw is now?”
Me: “Good, so what does ‘snarled’ mean?”
Blank looks- I should try a new question.
Me: “Animals make this sound, what kind of animal do you think can make a sound similar to a saw?”
Student 1: “A bird?”
Me: “No.”
Student 2 “A cow?”
Me: “No.”
Student 3: “A car?”
Me: “An Animal!”
Student 4: “Oh! I know! It is the sound a spider makes!”
I’ve lost patience already, and this answer . . . well . . .
Me: “The sound a SPIDER makes?! What sounds do spiders make?”
My imagination is already running wild with thoughts of giant screaming, snarling Venezuelan fighting- jungle spiders . . . I don’t even know if Venezuela has a jungle . . .
Student 4: “Oh! No! I mean a snake!”
Me: “Uh- no. I’ll just tell you. A dog or a wild animal like a bear or monkey when it is angry and it shows it’s teeth, like a growl. So you see, in the first line he is saying that the saw sounds angry like an animal when it cuts the wood.” *poorly worded sentence . . . now I'm thinking about an animal cutting wood . . . no, I mean- While it is cutting wood, the saw sounds like an angry animal. HA!*
Students: “oh, yeah …”

The first line took so much time an energy I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on.

I've been reading my car manual. I know, nobody actually reads car manuals, uh- I guess I'm nobody.

It's mildly entertaining. At first I was convinced that it was just crazy repetitive because they don't want to get sued- but that doesn't jive with the other quality it has of being pretty hard to understand. The writing is squirlly- like it should be clear to understand how to "manually unlock the driver's side door" since I've done that task many times on other cars, but it seemed really complicated when I read it in the manual. Like, "Whoa- I don't know if I can do THAT!"

I've sometimes wondered if manuals are written by people who are so unhappy with their lives that they have decided to torture the rest of us with poorly worded instructions. That, however, I do not believe to be the case for this Toyota manual. I now believe that it was written by people struggling to master the English language. It looks pretty good most of the time, then I come across a sentence like this: "When returning the seatback upright, be careful not to make yourself hit by the seatback which will bound with considerable spring force."

I will now never be able to say "Well, Toyota didn't warn me that I could make myself hit by the bounding seatback if I didn't use care!" No- they have warned me, and now I must heed that warning.

Another thing about my car- I have a remote door unlock- The actual remote also works as the ignition key. There are however regular key holes on the doors of the car. Right? I mean, all cars have key holes, or do they? I realized only yesterday that I didn't actually have a key for the key hole. Wait a minute- I do have a key hole don't I? I looked out my apartment window- Hmpht- I don't see one on the passenger side door- odd. I can't take the suspense, I had to go outside and check it out.

In fact there is no key hole on the passenger's side door- there is not key hole on the hatch door- but there is a key hole on the driver's side door. That means there must be a key. Turns out there is a 'secret' key on the remote that only opens the driver's side door- because as it turns out, that's the only door with a key hole.

I better keep reading the manual.

SOCKTOPUS!!

I just looked at some of my old blogs- older, a few weeks ago blogs.
Update: I finished the elf, I finished the dragon, I finished the owl, last night I finished some tiny safety cones, which like all other above mentioned things, have no real purpose aside from being cute.
I have one leg left on the the 'socktopus' (octopus wearing socks.) What? I didn't make it up, I'm just following the pattern. It's wearing tube socks, ever so cute- really.
Next, on to the doxie I started some time ago, and fix the scarves that aren't quite right. I have other plans and projects too- but one day and project at a time seems to be working for me right now.
Pictures of many projects and things to follow . . . eventually.

I gotta new car . . . yeah me!

The other morning I had a dream about an old friend; a friend I haven’t seen in many years, since college. With so many years between us, I wonder that I still call him friend, but he is. Maybe he is like what Anne of Green Gables called a “bosom friend.”

In my dream we talked of the things we used to talk about, life and love and God and how to build an outhouse. We talked about the past and the future, about sin and redemption and summer storms that break before you expect them to. We talked about Jesus and Abraham Lincoln and the Great State of Texas. After we had talked about rivers and forests and other wonders we’ve seen we talked about ourselves.

I pointed out the grey hairs at his temples and the white hairs in my part. We talked about work and family and loss and blessings.

When I woke up I was happy to have spent the morning with an old friend.

I used to have dreams of meaning more often. This was a dream of meaning. I don’t know yet what it means- that he has experienced blessings or needs prayer, one is not exclusive of the other. That he is thinking of me, maybe, but I have been thinking of him this week. It’s not for me to know the meaning really, just to enjoy the time and remember him to the Father.

I'm reading a book called Jesus wants to save the Christians I kind of like it. I've not read any of the author's other books. I haven't finished it, but I looked it up on Amazon to see what kind of reviews it was getting, pretty mixed it looks.

Some people say it fails to be 'hip.' Hmpht- I'm so out of the 'hippness' loop. Other people complained that it read like a blog. duh. You can tell that just by flipping through the pages. Besides, what's wrong with blogs? They complain that the style is difficult to read- but it seems styled so that it's especially easy to read. Short sentences and paragraphs- they give you time to think about what was just said.

Some people said it was Anti-American Hippy Liberation Theology.

I've always been interested in Liberation Theology. I mean in a very surface way- I haven't really studied it. They didn't encourage it in Bible school- too fringe I guess.

I started looking at other reviews the people who were complaining made. I wanted to see if they were complainers all the time or what.\

I found this quote about a book called Shack.

"At one point, after Mack has met God, he realizes that all of his seminary training was insufficient in preparing him for such a meeting. Well, let's hope not! Mack must not have done his homework before choosing a seminary."

Who does this joker think he is? I suppose he did his homework and chose the 'right' seminary. I suppose that when he stands face to face with God Almighty, Creator of Life and the Universe, he's gonna be all like, "sup dawg?" \

Most people don't come out of seminary thinking they know everything there is to know about God, they come out wondering how they could possibly be so stupid and forgiven at the same time. At least that's what they wonder if they learned anything at seminary.

I saw a notice at school the other day that was asking if anyone wanted to "crochet blankets for unborn babies." Why would an unborn baby need a blanket? It's all warm on the inside there.

I just got asked be friends with some one from high school. I looked at the name and said, "I don't know that person" I looked at the picture and said, "I don't know that person" I saw that we had one friend in common and said, "Oh- HIM! HIM!? The smelly one from high school? The goofy one who had a hard time making a sentence? The one who wanted to sit next to me on all the club trips? I felt both pity and repulsion. Well, yes, him.

Good on him- he's married and saving lives as a paramedic now. Wow. I never would have guessed. I'm still not sure I want to be friends with him though. That's probably wrong.

I've gotten a jury summons- blah.

I was taking a "psychic test" online last night as I waited for my hot chocolate to cool down enough to drink. I took 4 tests. On each test I had to choose 1 out of 5 cards that was going to come up next. There were 10 tries. Every time I got 1 out of 10 correct. What's the chances of that? Maybe pretty high I've never understood probability or statistics. This morning the web page was still up so I tried it one more time. I got 0 of 10. The comment after wards was "You are incredibly psychic to get every single one wrong! Are you channeling negative energy?" Stupid fake internet psychics- I'll show them negative energy . . .

I'm so looking forward to spring break- another week and a half to go. I need a week to lay around and get bored. I need a week to clean my apartment, to watch tv, to finish some of my many projects, to wander around in the spring air aimlessly.

Yesterday one of the lower level students asked me, "Why is the post office?" I looked at her. She looked at me. I waited for her to finish the sentence, she waited for me to start one. Then she said, "Where is the post office?" Well, that was a much easier question to answer. Why is the post office? to be sure, it is hard to say.

Often in grammar class my students try to convince me that the wrong answer is right, and the right answer is wrong. Yesterday it was This sentence, "We were working on our assignment for three hours when a girl ran in and told us there was a fire." What's wrong? Well, according to most native speakers nothing. I mean, I would say this sentence and think nothing of it. According to TOFEL and standard American (formal) grammar, it's wrong. Well, la-tee-da.

My students tried to convince me that it was "there was a fire." Shouldn't it say "there is a fire?" I said no. In reported speech everything is in past tense. Well, there are a few exceptions, but let's just say . . . no. I told them it was "We were working on our assignments for three hours when . .. " part. It needs to be past perfect progressive because we are talking about two past times,(past perfect) one of the activities occurred over an amount of time (progressive.) Let me tell you, it's a good thing I have to teacher's edition.

I *should* be reading for class and planning and preparing and grading.
*instead* I'm looking at toy patterns and watching old tv shows. (also knitting an owl as I watch tv) I never did finish that stupid elf. She's 98% done. I've got to sew her feet on, give her knees and some hair ribbons. The dragon . . . well, I got all distracted by a knitted owl . . . it's a small simple pattern- that dang elf is all involved- the good thing about that pattern is that I have to "finish" as I go along. I have to complete the head before I can do the body. Not like most patterns where all parts are separate and I can make all the pieces and have it 75% done- then as is normal for me, not actually put it all together for another 3-8 months.

I was going to talk to a leasing office today at a new apartment complex. But they closed at 5:30. I've always thought that was one of most annoying things about customer oriented businesses. When do they think people who have jobs have time to come talk to them? That's so dumb- why aren't they open from like 12-8 on some days?

Uhhh ... so ... much... work .... must ... avoid .....

Why are there so many dang cute things that I could make out of yarn (and other materials?!) Honestly can my addiction be helped? SO MANY CUTE THINGS!

Some people say the things I make aren't cute, they say my things are scary and disturbing- of course THOSE people wouldn't know cute if it slapped them upside the head with a dead fish.

I have a a book shelf full of patterns, I have a three ring binder full of patterns I bought online. I have boxes and bags and and baskets full of yarn and material and thread and paint and ever so much more.

Let's face it I'm meant to make things. It's my destiny.

Here's one of my current projects- when I finish her I'd like to then finish my unicorn, my dragon, my dachshund and them maybe my mermaid- I've got other things too . . . bother.

Oh dear- it’s been ever so long . . . I’d like to blame it on acrylic nails. However, that has only been my excuse for the past three weeks. Before that- well just laziness for the most part.

I made a quasi-resolution to write more blogs- MORE BLOGS!

Buzz is looking at me like, “Really? Nobody cares anymore.” I don’t care what the smart alec wiener dog thinks. He’s not my boss!

Yesterday in class some students were describing stupid inventions. One invention that they were describing was a hat that attached a roll of toilet paper to the wearer’s head so that she could blow her nose any time, any place- no worries of running out of tissue or having to rummage around in her bag for a packet. One suggestion to modify the invention was to make it smaller for children, and put picture of popular characters on the TP “like teddy bears and poo.” The other teacher looked at me and said, “I hope he means Pooh, as in Winnie, The.” Sometimes it’s hard to keep the mirth on the inside.
The question arises on account of the student was Korean, and Koreans as well as Japanese seem to have an unusual affinity for not only poo- but also for pee.

I used my uber-limited Farsi skills today to the great delight of one of my students. Words I remember in Farsi: “Hal-le shoma chetoray?” -How are you? “torshee” a sour condiment- “asb”- horse “burro”- go “yazda”- eleven. Wow, my vocabulary is astonishingly random.

My class is reading The Scarlet Letter- which is hard for American students- it’s like torture for international students. At one part a character “set forth an ejaculation of surprise.” I asked my students if they had any vocab questions. Of course, the earnest question arose in my classroom, “What is ejaculation?” asked the little angle faced Taiwanese girl. A few other students snickered. I said, “Well, in this context it means someone said something suddenly and unexpectedly.” One of the snickering students giggled. I was forced to admit it in fact had another meaning- that of a man reaching climax during sexual intercourse. Ok-so we got through that- until a pregnant Russian woman said, “Wait, what is ejaculation again?” I said, “It’s how you got pregnant.”

Well- I wouldn't carry it around, but I thought it might be a pretty funny thing to have on a thong for example.

I read Twilight this weekend. I had been told it was good- then the movie was getting such hype- and it was on sale for half price- I just decided to read it.

It was a pretty good story- I can see how it appeals to high school freshman all over the country. There was a sneak preview of the next book at the end. It looked good too, but when I read the amazon summary I decided I probably won't read it. It seems the series goes down hill after the first one.

I am also currently reading, The Know it All, Anne of the Island, and The Canterbury Tales.
Although, I seem to have misplaced The Know it All for the moment. I'm sure it will turn up eventually. I hope so, I was only half way through.

I'm disgruntled today.

Small things are bringing me down . . . poohy.

I've been sick for about a week. Sickness is a drag. I don't understand how people go around being sick all the time. How are they not just depressed out of their gourds? Allergies- sinus drainage, cough, tight chest, sore throat, stomach upset, weird voice . . . tired from the medicine. Same as last year, but not as bad- yet.

Nothing is especially appetizing- I'm supposed to avoid dairy and fatty food, they make the mucus worse. What should I eat? Soup? AGAIN!?

My mother would call a pity party for me at this point- anyone? anyone?

Tonight, after nine months, my brainiac dog has 'discovered' there is a turtle in the apartment. He is pretty excited about it- he is also convinced that it should be in the kitchen. He has taken a new interest in the kitchen sink- which he usually avoids like the plague- as he's experienced the dreaded 'bath' there.

(He knows 'bath' is a bad word as much as he knows 'outside' is a good word.)

He has run back and forth between the living room and the kitchen about 100 times in the last hour since the discovery. In between trips he stares at the tank longingly and whines- alternatively he stares at the kitchen sink and whines.

I guess he thinks the turtle should be in the sink because the tank is against the kitchen/living room wall. Also he saw me emptying the feeding tank water into the sink.

At least there is some reasoning in that tiny little brain.

"It’s nominating some characteristics; it is hard to become the wrinkle, hard to thrust an insect and easy to dye."

seriously, my head is about to explode- I've been reading exceptionally written research papers- some good- some with good ideas, but the sentences . . . KABOOM!

I told my students today about being president-elect, a lame duck and my limited understanding of how the electoral college works . . . seriously short discussion.

 

 
When students get a hold of your camera . . .
 
Christmas is coming to Texas!

 THE HAND!

 
remember the beauty of eggs
 
Buzz in the sun
 
heirloom pumpkins, fall in the air
 

Mini cupcakes (vegan)

Mini-me

Chili- may not look good, tasted great!

So, Alan Dart wrote back. I was rather surprised. He told me I didn't read the pattern notes correctly. Hmmm- so it is. Well, he is English, it's so hard to understand the English- they are so . . . English! Why can't they just write plain American? Can you spell ethnocentric? I'm not really- everyone is beatuiful, in his own way. Even those of us who don't know how to knit hands.

He was really nice about telling me how to read the patten though- he said go ahead and make Halloween hands for everyone. I haven't finished a hand yet, but I did get past that first row of sorrows.

Fingers and pictures to come.

I just wrote an email to Alan Dart, my a for mentioned favorite knitting pattern maker.

http://www.alandart.co.uk/pages/products

Dear Mr. Dart,

I love the hands on your human(ish) toys, but I've tried and tried and cannot make the hands. I finish the thumbs, but when I do the next row
"inc for fingers- K2, inc 1, (K1, inc 1)twice, K3, inc 1 turn and work these 15 sts only." I find no matter what I do, I only have 11 stitches when it's time to turn.

Is this a misprint or do I just fail at making hands? Are there any videos online that show how to do this technique? Do you have any alternative instructions for hands (as opposed to the instructions for Little Lorelei and Barnacle Bill?)

I'm so sad I can't make hands- they are surely the best bit of your human type dolls. If I could knit hands I would knit tiny disembodied hands for all my friends- and they would say that was creepy, and I would agree, but be ever so happy that it was possible.

Thank you,
Shannon

So, I have a Facebook page. (I constantly tell my students to avoid starting sentences with coordinate conjunctions; honestly I’m such a grammatical hypocrite.) Anyway-Facebook page. I signed up for it because a co-worker in India insisted it was the funnest thing on the virtual block. I got one and it was fun for about two weeks, then it lost it’s luster and I gave up playing with it. I’ve found that when I don’t have a “computer job” ie I spend long hours in front of a computer, I lose interest in making more than one senseless website contribution. I think if I had a computer job I would update my Facebook on a daily basis- always telling people what I’m doing and comparing them to each other and telling them I would rather be handcuffed to them than to some other friend; when in actuality I don’t want to be handcuffed to anyone.

According to my current rankings I am “most likely to kick it with Jesus some day” but in fact voted “0% friendly.” Sad commentary. Categories I win in: more powerful, smarter, more famous, more reliable, would rather live with, braver, more adventurous, more naturally talented, funnier, more confident, better catch, better at science (!?) harder worker, crazier, more artistic, more creative, studies harder, more useful, more outgoing (seriously who were they comparing me to?) Categories I lose in: more tech savvy, nicer, more punctual, more likely to skip class (little do these people know) more likely to do a favor for me, more fashionable, better public speaker, (I think I’m pretty good actually) rather have dinner with, would make a better father (duh) has a better profile picture, person I am jealous of, more loyal, would rather marry, more popular, can drink more, better dancer and kinder.

Pooh on those people who think I wouldn’t skip class and I’m a bad public speaker or that they don’t want to marry me- I’m a catch- just ask me I’ll give you a public speech about it while I am skipping class.

Well- I mean I don’t skip class now- I get paid to go to class, if I skip I don’t get paid. That doesn’t work out like it did in college and high school.

So, on Face book I have all these “friends” most of them more along the lines of past acquaintances. (Again with the coordinate conjunction.) Some of them, to be honest, I never really liked in the first place. Time and distance seems to blur the lines though. Some of these people would never give me the time of day when we could have possibly actually been friends. They request to be my friend, and I just accept. The most astonishing Facebook find was Vicki my best friend in 4th-7th grade. We had a little falling out when I stacked her locker so that when she opened it a sanitary napkin fell out in front of everyone- but other than that we were tight. Then I moved away. We wrote back and forth for about a year and then I never heard back from her. I got a friend request from her a few months ago. Wow- long, long time.

It’s an interesting thing to have- I know how to contact these long-losts if ever I want to. There are some other people I would like to know about. Susan, Mac and David from high school; Val, Francie, Rachael and Joe from Geneva; Kent, Joan and Alden from DCC; Jane, Dana, April, Anna, Sam, Dorian from summer missions; Susan, Bil and Jason from Journeymen. There are already too many people to actually keep up with, but I’d like to know how these people are in a general kind of way.

Oh, the knits I could knit . . . seriously, who wakes up in the morning and thinks, "Hey, I think I'll knit some toilet paper."

It is cute- cuter than the tampons . . .